Not Good Math

my monster times five
once kept me alive
my anger times six
then hit us like a ton of bricks
my self loathing times two
killed all of me in you
my regret times seven
is no god damn heaven
my vanity times eleven
will eventually be my armageddon
my kindness times twelve
always ends upon the shelf
my future times my past
always leaves me aghast

my present times my zero

is like my bone without the marrow 

my only thing that's real

is really nothing

nothing really, at all

Author's Note

Reviews

[Gee]

I know you don't suffer fools, are sometimes honest to the point of hurtful ( when reviewing and if the one on the other end is too precious with themselves) and sometimes seem as if you are spoiling for a scrap, poking people with a pointy stick but I quite enjoy the calmer, gentler side you let out, not often, when something pleases your eye.

[Davidgeo]

That's far and away the best compliment I've ever received here. Divorcing my day to day disposition from some of my writings is not an easy or natural task. Most of the time I'm just playing a straw man character to incite things. I'm still objectively kind of an a*s hat though... there is an emotional vampire quality to me that cannot be ignored. The people I care about the most always get fucked over due to that... and I am not at all proud of that.

[Nipplegrinder]

This is artfully penned. A gentle side of you I've never seen. This is brilliant.

[Kay]

I really like the play of words at the end. Also, the way you considered the multiplication of each concept is thoughtful, especially "my self loathing times two/ killed all of me in you"and "my vanity times eleven/ will eventually be my armageddon". It accentuates the experience of different people depending on what is multipled more or less within themselves.

[Davidgeo]

The numbers are arbitrary, but the act of doing the "math" certainly is not. It's something we all share.

[SweetWriter88]

I'm stunned in the most pleasant way. I normally read things from your more cynical, and perhaps sarcastic side, but this is just gentle. I love how I can relate to every word you say. It's not often where I can say that I truly enjoy reading something from a writer who isn't afraid to showcase a different side every now and then, and I am definitely saying it now.

Like always, this is masterfully written, expressive in a way that speaks to each reader differently, yet showcasing that unique signature you always carry in your work. I'll say again, this is stunning.

[Davidgeo]

Who doesn't love stunning a pretty lady?

[drew garner]

I wanted to hate your writing because you were displeased with mine. But in all honesty, there is a brutal, angry fire to your language that can be inspiring. But the other side of the coin is your poetry is blunt to the point of being ugly. If not for the emotional truth that is the underlining pleasure of the piece, the language it's self is just the evidence that there are minds that have confused vocabulary for wisdom.

[Davidgeo]

I am a very easy person to hate. It's more impressive that you can see through that inherent bias then anything I am capable of writing. Well done sir.

[Hebe]

Admission is the third eye. Watching yourself provides great insight, as you so well put it 'nothing al all"... it's an amazing release of energy .... your words allow the imperfections in all of us to surface! wonderful!

[Davidgeo]

Knowing yourself provides great insight... selfies and self recorded videos are not inherently insightful. Ha, I kid, I know you meant. Thanks for your comment.

[Norah]

I love math. You reminded me of Eminem though. Good job!

[Davidgeo]

Eminem? Sure... why not

[Kelly Scheppers]

Such a refreshing and dynamic approach to a poem! You've made me love the class in this math, John!

[Davidgeo]

Ha... you're kinda funny.

[KWP]

so if you have zero, nothing and you are happy with it - after all that has been observed in the river gone by ... well, the way I see it, you are in the perfect place and right where you ought to be.Many don't get to be there. I like to think of it as a life well lived, by that I mean - not in the shadows, or not in the shell, but stumbling, falling sometimes flying through life - perfect - I am similar by means of living, I have thought about this a lot in my life - does that makes nay sense at all???

[Davidgeo]

Sure, I think it makes sense. Manicured lives that give off the impression of "perfection", whether it be morally or professionally or whatever, are usually just front stage plays obscuring the imperfections we all have as human beings. Like that crazy b***h who drove her family off a cliff in America a few weeks ago... they seemed "normal" but it turns she and her wife were all kinds of crazy. The more it seems someone is living an idyllic life the more I wonder what skeletons are being hidden in the closet... Bill Cosby could be another example, he was a moral authority on black culture and one of the most well respected comedians of all time... turns out he was a rapist the entire time.

[KWP]

I didn't hear about that woman who drove her family off a cliff - thanks mom!!!

[Chris Shaw]

An honest account of who you are? If so you are a person who is misunderstood. There is a sharp, no nonsense side of you, but you also have a softer side. Not cuddly, but softer than how you come across sometimes with your reviews. You can appear a bit scary. I enjoyed reading your confessional. I admire honesty and I think your poem is honest, and I have given you an honest review. But on the other hand this may NOT be about you because poetry is subjective (lol).

[Davidgeo]

It maybe could be but I don't really know myself that well so who can tell?

[Chris Shaw]

If you don't know yourself, then other people will make that decision for you. You are dancing on both sides of the line with your answer. That's what I did with my earlier review.

[Davidgeo]

I was just being playful. I am painfully aware of exactly what I am.

[Chris Shaw]

It's always good to know who you are and what presses your buttons.

[Davidgeo]

You and anapapaya should get together and collaborate sometime.

[Chris Shaw]

What? There's someone else like me out there, or are they the opposite?

[Davidgeo]

Ha... you're the same person.

[Chris Shaw]

Cloned!!! oh my God.