Graben

." graben" is German for "to dig"

under a sky greyish blue
a man six foot two
he will dig for me
a brand new grave for me
great, large, big and tall
so very carefully
he will dig for me
though i am small
he will make me big
dissolved into earth
back into small parts
so i will see you again
as something else
if nothing else
i will see you again
as different parts

of this thing enormous

Reviews

[Amy]

I enjoyed reading your poem. It holds symbolism, because the six foot man could be who you believe in for your religion. When you talked about what would happen to you after that, you made it sound like you could come back as someone or something, or nothing at all. That in itself can open everyone's minds to numerous possibilities on what will happen to us after death.

[Davidgeo]

I have no belief in any religion... but I could be wrong. Not to take anything away from your interpretation, I think it's a good and valid one, but this is mostly about the carbon cycle. Sometimes I like to take scientific concepts and make them sound more human.

[Amy]

Wow, I never would've guessed it was about the carbon cycle. Now that I know that, I'm going to reread it, and I find that very cool that you use scientific concepts!

[Eddie Phillips]

I like the approach. At first glance the poem is confusing but it tells a story by the end of the piece. I think it can be refined to make the story clearer but it is a great start.

[Davidgeo]

I think that's a pretty fair assessment.

Thanks, usually people aren't helpful like that.

[Eddie Phillips]

We all grow in our writing after every expression of our gift. Great writers express ideas and try to refine them like any artist. The actuation of a thought is the most important part and you have that already. Keep writing and I will keep reading.

[Davidgeo]

If you're here to be a "great writer" (whatever that means) you are lost. I mean no offense but, you stress things that are irrelevant and come off as a little pretentious.

That will limit everything you do creatively.

[Eddie Phillips]

Pretentious implies I am artificial to my art or immature in my assessments of artistic work. I reflect none of these accusations. I am truthful about what I write and what I read. As writers we write to express ourselves and leave the reader with something they can identify with. I never insulted your writing and I am sorry that you felt that my critique was malicious.. I simply tried to tell you that your poem was good but with a few alterations it could lose some of its ambiguity and reach a larger audience. It is a smart poem that can speak on different levels.

Lastly, I place no limits on creativity. I will say creativity without clarity can never reach its greatest potential. We write for expression, impression, and reflection. Positive feedback to your writing should never be seen as pompous sophism or unjustified incursion. Keep writing! I think you express yourself very well.

[Davidgeo]

I'm f****n' with you man. I find it more productive than the standard "thanks for reading" type of replies.

You weren't supposed to prove me right about the pretentious thing though. It seems you lack self awareness.

Good luck with that eddie.

[Eddie Phillips]

LOL, I have found that most educated black men are often called pretentious, uppity, or flamboyant when they can express themselves with a orthodox vocabulary. Pleonastic expression is not encouraged for black men in our society. I guess you want me to say "It's a 'ayite piece dog!" I hope that silences your unjustified attack! Keep writing man and I may read it. I read your poem because you sent a request. Obviously you just want a sycophantic response. I won't give that because that is not who I am. Good luck!

[Davidgeo]

Ugh... why did you have to bring race into it?

I call that passive racism. (yes, black people can be racist).

[Eddie Phillips]

I didn't call you racist. I simply stated a fact. I am sure many people gave you input but you have and issue with how I express my words. You use a old stereotype by calling me pretentious. That is not without cultural significance for black men. You then play even further into the ignorance by trying to call it racism when the initial code word was used by you. Either you are unconsciously obtuse or purposefully abrasive in your word choice. I will not comment again. Good luck with your writing.

[Davidgeo]

Yeah. I know what you said. You can try and spin it any way you like. The fact remains you brought a subjective racial statement to the table to fortify a non-serious internet talking point... I find that kind of disposition loathsome. I'd like to stop interacting with you now.

[The Twin Arenas]

Liked it. Great choice of words. The word is macabre.

[Davidgeo]

Macabre is one of my favorite words.

[Nipplegrinder]

A good read. Well conceived.

[Davidgeo]

Thanks nips.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, there will always be someone to put another into the ground...either literally or figuratively...
and sometimes we just get buried by our own egos...thinking we are invincible.
really like this poem.
j.

[Davidgeo]

You missed the point as I intended it. This is more about biology, chemistry and the carbon cycle. The person doing the burying is just a device to symbolize general death and decomposition back into the carbon cycle. But I can see the smaller individual psychological meaning there as well, that makes sense too. I find that to be a rather clichéd and played out meaning in the current social climate.... writing with that specific meaning is very fashionable and a dime a dozen right now. I'm sure I've written several myself.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i think the point of poetry is for our work to find readers who relate in some way---i found a way.

j.

[Davidgeo]

I think you're right Jacob.

[KWP]

this is fab ... and yes ... I too shall see you again

the beetles comes to mind

'I am you
you are me'

I am the Walrus

[Davidgeo]

Thanks. I'm sure in the back of my mind that particular song was playing while I wrote this one.

[emipoemi]

........wow.....this I dare say is your best yet. I quite enjoyed this one. Well done!

[Davidgeo]

I write too much to know anything about best or worst.... its all just, stuff to me.

I'm glad you enjoyed reading it. It is always my pleasure to write.

[wordman]

it seems we are bigger in life through our death,but we are never gone,just another journey to take

[Cherrie Palmer]

The hope of tomorrow, sits on the edge of our unknown asking us to believe.

[H L Rose]

I admit I don’t completely understand this one, but I do suspect it is musing about a cycle of recycled life. Of course I am totally aware I could be wrong.

Despite my uncertainty, I find it captivating, and intriguing. The last line throws off the flow and rhyme by switching “enormous” and “thing”, which I expect is intentional in order to draw your attention to the word “enormous”, and I think is a great way to get your point across.

I enjoyed reading it!

[Davidgeo]

I think you understood it quite well actually. Thanks.

[H L Rose]

Oh good !