Choice of Memory

i choose to remember what i forget

in rythm with how i choose to see myself

　none the less

i am a god damn mystery to me

deep and hollow

experienced, cold and brutal

   never the less

mentally manicured

to fit in somewhere

i still have no idea what is real

i chose to remember what i forget

            when i can

in rhythm with how i chose to see myself. . .

(a controlled f*****g mess)

　

perhaps,

i did not choose wisely

these past years

perhaps,

i failed to remember

why i forgot in the f*****g first place

to begin with

Author's Note

Reviews

[Veronica Staehle]

Contradictions, tensions, optimism, and cynicism all wrapped up in one poem, well done. "Mentally manicured" is a great line!

This feels like an experience of recognizing a presence of self detachment but not being wholly prepared to comprehend the entire spectrum. It's like the willing and readiness to try to reconnect is there... but also a theres hesitation in doubt- that maybe it's better not to. Some sort of uncomfortable limbo, yet completely brave at the same time.

[Davidgeo]

Something like that.

"Mentally manicured" always makes me chuckle. I don't know where I got it, but i doubt I made it up.

[Lovecraft]

I like that concept of someone possibly seeing themselves as various versions. "mentally manicured" is a great line. To me this poem is a philosophical question. By the way, is that photo from the film Appaloosa?

Good job!

[Davidgeo]

It's from Westworld. But I am a fan of Appaloosa. It was a little melodramatic but Viggo Mortenson and Ed Harris made it awesome.

Have you ever heard of movie called "A History of Violence"?

[Lovecraft]

Close enough, lol. A History of Violence was great. Loved the part where Viggo killed the guy by striking him in the nose.

[Davidgeo]

I've been re reading Cormac McCarthy lately (the dude who refuses to use punctuation of any kind, ever). After reading the source material movies like "The Road" and "No Country For Old Men" are more appreciated. He's like the anti Stephen King in that his books never fail to make a great movie.

Viggo Mortenson is a criminally underrated actor. If you like him in A History of Violence you' will love him in The Road.