oval melon-like tropical fruit

i can think left handed

like an unbridled animal

        it's a talent

despite all reservation

           (i like to laugh)

  i can be vicious 

you'd never know the difference

      please hear me

                             it's simply not real

    it's not me

not today

     not right now

here today,

i am deathly afraid

            that this might be real

that i'm just another sadist

        with a thesaurus

and an abundance of time

today,

         I am strong (ha!)

   i can admit everyone of my faults

but no one is listening

        not so much

not anymore

                i miss that one lady

     and only that one lady

        she who gave me purpose

something to care about

          deeply 

beyond all of my bullshit

 

it never much mattered which hand we used

anyway

               without her i am weak

                                   

with both hands

                             i miss her dearly

Author's Note

Desire and self inflicted disappointment, welcome to a home of self loathing decorated by your very own abandonment complex.