Mother, I Would Like a Refund

. seriously (I actually love the cold)

Lovey dovey i would be

If only the world i now see

Would comply and exactly be

  just what in the f**k you said

  it would mother f*****g be.

Author's Note

Reviews

[AYVID N]

The expletives in the last two lines, i think, are needed to convey the frustration (even infantile rage) felt by the writer. A brief, powerful statement though I feel slightly naive (not sure I am using the word correctly) in expecting this world to confirm to an expectation.

[Davidgeo]

It's interesting that you used the phrase "infantile rage". That is precisely what this is about. A rage born at the earliest stages but not fully realized until adulthood. This little poem is actually one of the darkest things I've written. No, it's not at all about me or personal in anyway. Watch some of the interview in the video at the end (if you can listen for more than a couple minutes at a time you have a stronger mind than I).

[KWP]

Lovey Dovey is a bore
You will never visit to a w***e
Never know how dark fills the night
Never know the struggle the fight
Lovey Dovey is for the meek
It's life in its harshness gives me learnings to keep

Hope you are well X

[Davidgeo]

I am relatively well, thanks for asking doll face. How are you on this fine Monday? By the way, you are sympathizing with one of the most intelligent and cerebral serial killers in modern history on this one. I've always had a thing for listening to Edmund Kemper talk, he's one of the worst human beings in the history of mankind but his insights into deviant behavior are simply mind blowing. It seems kind of fucked up but, his interviews led to a lot of the breakthroughs in respect to criminally profiling. He's still alive by the way; if you write to him under the guise of academia he will eventually write back. And he will sound like one of the nicest and most intelligent human beings you ever came across. Ask him about his mother... ha, he was not a fan of his mother. Wanna hear about what he eventually did to her?

[KWP]

THis is interesting I may have to go find out more about This fellow. I was writing to a guy on Death Row a while back - his insights after having been in prison for so long were certainly a force to Ben reckoned with. His thoughts intense but he seemed to have crossed a point where he was in a different place to you and I. I write to another guy in prison because of thefucked up three strikes rule You Americans put in place way back when crack cocaine (supplied by the gov) got out of control. We had ourselves a great tag team going. Well that was before he got married to and was told to stop writing to me. Shame how women can’t handle men having women friends.

Me oh rah I am well - I Cusco - off to Lima tmz. Lowest elevation in three weeks I am going to be bouncing with all that oxygen in the air X

[Davidgeo]

The "three strikes" rule has more to do with violence in conjunction with running an illicit business. What is by far and away the really seriously no bullshit fucked up law on cocaine and crack in America is what's known as the 100:1 sentencing guideline. One gram of crack was equal to one hundred grams of cocaine... why is this fucked up? Because in the early '80's about 94+ percent of all crack addicts were black and poor while the casual coke head tended to be affluent and white. One vote is worth more than the other... and yes, our politicians still think like this.

[Davidgeo]

*see - tax law

[Davidgeo]

If you truly do a deep dive on Edmund Kemper you may find yourself having nightmares and developing insomnia. I'm not at all joking about that.

[RebeccaRose]

I honestly have to give you props on this. It's short and to the point, but also aggressive. I dig it.

[Davidgeo]

Thanks for the props. I like to write long stuff but only my short stuff pans out right. The longer I go the more likely I am to contradict myself or otherwise f**k up the flow. To be fair every writer has this problem, but most aren't too lazy to fix it.

[Jes' Pi]

Your poem has a strong message which can be understood in many ways and transformed in different visions.
The first three verses are expressed in a decent way, every verse has its own meaning. The last two verses contain two "harshy" words that express anger, anger is the result of dissatisfaction (expressed in the first 3 verses).
I think those words aren't a problem for my view, but for others they could be (you know, for those people who think that all poetry needs to be soft and nice).
In conclusion, I really liked your poem. The only thing I have to suggest is that maybe you should try to replace with something else the "f**k" and the "f*****g" in the last two verses haha.
Good luck!

[Davidgeo]

Thank you for the lucky wishes.

The vulgarity is crucial to the theme. It was an intellectual choice.

Carl "hot dog" Jung would call it the shadow self. It's why I did not capitalize the last two lines

You're review was insightful none the less.

(something about your profile picture tells me there may be layers to your review)

[Jes' Pi]

Ok, now everything is more clear to me. :)
I really enjoyed and I hope I will read more in the future.
And thank you very much.
(My profile picture represents me and all my weird obsessions, haha!
And layers? hmmm...I don't know.)

[emipoemi]

I like the message, the emotion, the energy - the brevity too is very good, and it has good musicality. I'm simply not a huge fan of expletives (I find unless used in special moments mar the poem as a whole). Also in Line 2 (so the musicality suggests) you have a stressed "the" which is not advisable in poetry. Other than that, I much enjoyed this.

[Davidgeo]

Thanks for the feedback. I wish I wasn't so dependent on expletives when I write short things. Whenever I think too much things get long winded; swearing is an easy way to bridge and/or condense things. Like it or not, those words entail great meaning one way or another. I'll try and swear less next time. (FYI... this poem was about a fellow named Edmund Kemper. Swear words are truly and most definitely the least disgusting thing about this. Watch the interview below the poem... or just look up the name Edmund Kemper.)

[emipoemi]

Oh, don't get me wrong, I know the value in them, but in poetry, they tend to mar if not used solely on special occasions (like in satire, absurdity, or when the mood and emotion are intense enough to merit it).....I mean I'm not sure that anyone would get the Edmund Kemper reference without having watched the video (and from experience, no one really has that much time for those extra bits and pieces of the post. So you have to be careful with expletives in poetry. If it can't be absorbed and incorporated into the theme as an actual entity of the poem, then it mars it.

[Davidgeo]

I don't mind if no one gets it. If you ask I will tell but if not, it's all good. Take what you want as you please.

[emipoemi]

Righteo. It's your poem.

[Davidgeo]

I seriously have been thinking about using less expletives. Kind of like an exercise or at least find a different way to express myself. I was once a dignified professional in real a long time ago, it's nice to remember that version of me. Of course, I will always go back to being crass. There is far more truth there, and, it's way funnier on a regular basis. (I like to f****n' laugh)

[Davidgeo]

Don't delete your comments. It makes me think you're trying to shape a narrative.

Also, it's kinda cowardly.

[Davidgeo]

spell chk's fer poosies

[emipoemi]

I had written a weird typo (and I don't know how it happened)....it was nothing really. But I'll take that into account.

[Davidgeo]

Hmm. The lower case sentences represent the shadow world. Have a delightful weekend.