Come

. never mourn yourself until you can't

losing all

your will

your everything

until a shell

flat broke

with money

becomes of you

full of angry

frustrated

and raging

confusion

so now here I am

existing without enemy

and what's next. . .

is nothing special,

day in and day out

alone

empty

in a room

with battle trinkets

and more nothings

describing situations

long past

remembering awful things

in convoluted ways

dreaming of past missions

loves, friends and reasons

coloring in the edges

to make for a more

palatable being

to be remembered

with glee and reverence

in satisfaction ...

but for long

it never lasts

and now all's collapsing

on all sides

losing structure

becoming distorted

leading to dilapidation

like an abandoned diorama

left to ruin 

left to weather

left to be forgotten

   my mother always said . . .

"memories cannot save themselves"

   -  grave yards are stupid

Author's Note

Reviews

[Chris Shaw]

This is probably the best of yours that I've read yet. I don't know how veterans in the USA are looked after, once they have been discharged. Whether, what you write about is typical, but if its anything like the situation over here, they do not get the medical attention many of them need to rehabilitate after the horrors of warfare. Many of them end up with broken relationships, separated from their families and on the streets. What an appalling situation. Even if they can work and keep a roof over their head, God knows what their mental state must be. Existing, without enemy, empty, losing structure, left to be forgotten are YOUR words, that I have picked out, which hit me hard, and then your Mother's quote. In my opinion, both the Government and the armed forces are responsible, and clearly nothing like enough is being done to rectify a shameful situation. Duty of care, springs to mind.

Did I enjoy the read? How can you enjoy something which leaves a bitter taste in your mouth.

Chris

[Davidgeo]

The government and the armed forces are one in the same. There are outliers but veterans are treated fairly well on the whole in America. But not all veterans have the same intensity of condition, some things aren't fixable or even treatable. The level of fucked up s**t that goes on during those deployments depends on your job... was it a combat arms specialty or a support specialty? The vast majority of soldiers are of the support variety who never actually see any combat.

[Onlyme]

Powerful, dramatic, and really hits home. The effects of PTSD. Beautiful expressed and projected with such an accurate account.

[Davidgeo]

Thanks Dee. I'm glad you could identify with it.

[Yael Asofsky]

I love the tone shift at the end. The stanzas/line breaks are organized beautifully. This is all too relatable.

[Davidgeo]

I'm happy to have entertained you for a moment.

[Rye]

love those last three lines, classic.
this is very different from things i usually read, I did enjoy it, very nicely written.

[Davidgeo]

I try and write like a river; flowing but halting and then flowing again. "Different" is usually just a word people use when they having nothing to say but feel the need to speak none the less.

This was nicely written, but I bet you can't actually tell why.

[Davidgeo]

That sounded mean... I'm sorry. By nature I'm just kind of an a*****e. Don't take it personally.

[Rye]

grave yards are kinda stupid, you don't have memories there just tears, people have memories and make memories, when you go to grave yards you feel watched in my opinion cause of ghost, demons whatever. you can make a living off af fear, memories you only exist. ;)

[Nipplegrinder]

This is one of those writes that allows the reader to do a bit of introspection, all the while, seeing glimpses of the writer himself. Very well done.

[Davidgeo]

Thanks mang.

[Nipplegrinder]

No prolem, mang.

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

Love this style
I loved your honest write

[Davidgeo]

Thanks juliespen. I'm happy you liked it.

[AYVID N]

Once in combat, always in combat, one never leaves that zone. The inexpressible thrill of facing the fire makes adrenaline addicts, forever craving the enemy. Whats left then to come back to but anger, confusion? The sweet, mundane parts are dissected for good. Some say war numbs fighters. I disagree. The dreams must be vivid, morbid. In the past there was lobotomy...Now, really not sure how one comes back from there...

[Davidgeo]

I was just being dramatic. To be honest, sleeping's easy. I do drugs. . . we all do drugs, a whole bunch of drugs. It's f*****g terrifying.

[Davidgeo]

Also . . . everyone gets to come back. It's usually easy actually. I just sound demented, I came back alright in reality.

[AYVID N]

I appreciate that. We all do. Me too. It makes life sweeter. Less terrifying.

[AYVID N]

I was referring to the drugs

[AYVID N]

Agreed. Demented is better then dead. Its way nicer.

[Abraham George]

its nice to read and you are right about the memories.

Thanks for sharing

[Davidgeo]

I'm glad you're pleased. If we're right about the memories, never forget them.

[KWP]

raw, honest, truth

yeah, one moment life is one way, years later you wonder what happened and what's it all for now

I totally see where you are coming from - not having been anywhere near the kind of truths you have seen - does make me wonder though, you know, about the transgression - and so much more, how are those that have witnessed a side of life that is so far and away from the scales - how does one recalibrate? do they even want to.

Yeah thanks for sharing this one - insight X

[Davidgeo]

"do they even want to"
That's an important question that usually isn't asked.
The answer is obvious. . . it doesn't really matter, you have to come back one way or the other.

[KWP]

true be that X

[Davidgeo]

I kept thinking of the movie "No Country For Old Men" when I was writing today. The movie is downright perfect but I was also thinking of the book. Cormac Marthy is the writers name, and he quite literally uses zero punctuation when he writes. Nothing. It was weird at first,

[Davidgeo]

if you say 'true be that' to me again I will exsanguinate most of your pets.

[Davidgeo]

Cormac Mccarthy is his name by the way... I forgot about the C key for a second there. meow.

[KWP]

did you ever read trainspotting?

you love that movie

please don't hurt Dodger ...

that song is hectic - thanks

[KWP]

transpotting because of the writing style

[Davidgeo]

Whatever happened to Danny Boyle? It's been a few years now. And no, I have not read trainspotting but I certainly have seen the movie. I've seen most of D boyles movies. Sunshine is an underrated flick ya know. . . meow. arf, meow meow?

[KWP]

please get a copy and wrap yer head around it ... it will take you perhaps a few pages to understand the dialect - but once you are in - you are in - oh yeah BTW The Blank Slate arrived just in time for my departure next week