You Are Until You're Not

You are until you’re not
Alive until you’re dead
In love until you’re not
A winner until you lose
On repeat until it’s new
Lost until you’re found
Nothing until you’re something
Dead until you live
Alone until we aren't
You are until you’re not

Reviews

[emipoemi]

You can definitely use the actual antonyms of "in love" and "alone". Save the "notes for the "are"s for that's where the power lies. Using a "not" in another line simply sounds sloppy. Also, you don't have to do this, but you could experiment with rhymes in this piece to amp up the kick. Well done!

[Davidgeo]

I like how you review emipoemi. It's pretty rare for me to work on something after I finished it but I think I might have to revisit this with your suggestions in mind. I owe you a soda.

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

very nice glad you asked me to read this one
we are until we are no more
that is true unfortunately

[Davidgeo]

I think it's fortunate. Makes the harder things more worth it. If we never end purpose wouldn't mean the same thing. The longest lived creatures usually don't evolve after a while.

[Barbara Walker]

this reminds me that I always am.

[Davidgeo]

mind and body strong grasshopper

[Shade of Gray]

This is quite a well themed poem. Really. It reminds me of the song let her go, you can try to look that up which is so alike that of your poem :) But there are some places which can still be flourished for me. The first thing is I don't know if you are trying to make your poem parallel like the top sentence to the last, the second to the second last, etc,which can be a good practice. Another thing is that in some cases, some words didn't make the magic works, say "in love until you are not", perhaps change it to "in love until heart breaks", such that the meaning is opposite enough. You also well written "Lost until you re found", which has a second layer of meaning, you can try to develop this on the other sentences as well. Lastly, you can improve on making the syllables and part of speech of each sentence identical, which is the magic of poem. Job well done!

[Davidgeo]

I know the song (by Passenger). But I don't think you do as my poem is not alike to that song at all.

As far as structural intent... I have none; you are reading into something that isn't there.

Let me give you a tip; the magic of poetry has little to do with matching syllables or clever meters as you seem to think. That s**t's all to the good, don't get me wrong that s**t is part of the craft, but. . . if you focus on that primarily, you will lose yourself eventually and just start writing contrived crap that sounds catchy.

[Shade of Gray]

Woops... sorry if it sounds offensive for the above paragraph. I meant nothing about that. Yet, I am just a new shoot to poem analysis. So please don't mind so much. :) By the way, it's quite impressive for telling me about the magic of poem. Nobody has told me about that before, so gotta keep that in mind. Enjoy reading your other poems

[Davidgeo]

Nothing you say sounds offensive. Feel free to be as offensive as you wish. Just make it well reasoned and we're all good.

[Avia]

I've never really thought about that. It's an interesting way to look at life. I enjoyed reading this.

[Gee]

Good morning..........remembered until forgotten which most will be, thought of only by one generation then gone, not that we'll give a flying f**k because we'll all be down with the devil topping up the tan.

[Davidgeo]

I bet you could've said that with less words.

[Gee]

Gone .............

[Davidgeo]

Weak enough, I suppose.

[Einstein Noodle]

yep! so true ;) and are not until we are! :))) or :(((

E.

[Davidgeo]

It all evens out to about this, :| ,in the very end I suspect. Thanks for commenting. I'm sorry someone gave you a down thumb, I have a few "fans" that follow me around here to do silly crap like that.

[Einstein Noodle]

ahahaha i honestly would not notice ..its a good thing to have honest reactions isn't it ... up or down .. but i can't imagine anyone would find my review offensive in any way ... i like your poem..think it is a fun read that is truthful and has wisdom .. it is along the lines of Ecclesiastes 3 ... and the song:
https://youtu.be/W4ga_M5Zdn4

[Davidgeo]

It's not that they found your review offensive... they just find my presence here offensive and think very superficially so they do dumb s**t like thumbs down everything or leave a jack assed review. I'm glad you enjoyed my poem. And I do love that song. . .

[Einstein Noodle]

ohhhhhh! not nice to be trolls ..:( sorry to hear you are having that kind of thing going on but very glad you are brushing it off ..love and peace friend! :)

[Davidgeo]

Don't fret for me... I'm a kind of troll myself. Don't you already know all this?

[Einstein Noodle]

ah nope...pretty ignorant of such things ...i am enjoying it that way ;)

[KWP]

yes ... very much so ... I like this a lot ... unique .... X

[Davidgeo]

Thanks. It makes me happy to know.

[AYVID N]

I agree, except the fourth line. Suppose I don't wager a bet or compete, how am I a winner or a loser?

[Davidgeo]

As long as you're alive and breathing you're winning... but no one wins forever. Ugh, I just sounded like Charlie Sheen right there.

[AYVID N]

Yes. if we see it that way.

[BBP]

Can't argue with that! lol

[Davidgeo]

Sure you can. If you clever you can argue with anything.

[Davidgeo]

....if you're clever... I meant. F*****g typos will be the death of me