Youth is a Walled Garden

. it is bliss to be young, some can be so forever .

my past was once a walled garden

until my certainty went to pot

something once spontaneous, unafraid

is now overwhelemed, something complicated

my future is now a dense forest

until my last thoughts fall like dying leaves

to all be decomposed, dissolved

into a million dead little pieces

it will never look the same

Author's Note

Reviews

[Behind blue eyes]

I like the sentiment in this, I think it can means different things depending on where the reader is coming from.

[Sofia]

It's nicely written and the metaphors were used wonderfully..thanks for sharing

[jayanth]

i love the way how you connect your mind with the growing nature , really love it :) cheers.

[KWP]

it's funny my mind has been swinging back and forth pendulum like re: thoughts of just how complicated we all are as we get older and older. I am so familiar with saying to friends in conversation - 'we all have our issues' and it's true we do, it has led me to think - but why? I guess the underlying journey of surpassing all issues in inherent in me, in fact in all of us, although for some it lies dormant.

and then ... once it's all decomposed into a thousand pieces - does it really matter?

er! Ya! nice one ...

PS Vanity is not my purpose ... X

[Davidgeo]

Everybody is a little bit vain. You less than me probably; me less than others sometimes.
read moreEverybody is a little bit vain. You less than me probably; me less than others sometimes.

[KWP]

right you are and was actually just discusssing that with a mate yesterday ... she wanted me to post before and after pics of my journey with face yoga on insta ... I said no way baby ... that's me being vain ...

[JayG]

You have intent when you read, so it makes perfect sense. But a reader depends on you to give them context, and that's what's missing. When you say, "something once spontaneous, unafraid is now overwhelemed," from a reader's viewpoint, you're saying that something unknown about someone unknown used to be pretty good, from that person's viewpoint. But for unknown reasons, and at an unknown time, it's changed for the worse." How can a reader respond with anything but, "Uhh...okay."?

Involve the reader and make them react, emotionally. It's what they come for.

[Davidgeo]

It's not rocket surgery kid. If you don't get it that's on you. Try harder to find your own meaning... or is it absolutely necessary it's spoon fed to you?

[Davidgeo]

(You're a lazy reader.... or extremely unimaginative.)

[JayG]

"If you don't get it that's on you."

Sorry, but poetry has been under development for centuries. The fact that you've done no research into what it takes to communicate is the reason for my comments. I'm someone who has sold their work in nonfiction, short and long for fiction, and poetry. I've taught at workshops and owned a critiquing service. And as someone who has spent over thirty years in the field I can tell you that I was being extremely kind with my critique.

Your job is communication. If someone doesn't get what you intended, as you intended, it's your fault. A reader gives of their time. It's your task to make the reading worth the price. So if someone you asked to look at the work didn't get it, perhaps you should ask yourself why, and what YOU can do to fix the problem?

The thing that matters isn't what I said, but that the poem didn't work as it should have. And only you can fix that.

[Davidgeo]

Being long winded doesn't change the fact... you addressed nothing. A lot of sound and fury but... that's it. Vanity is your purpose, just admit it.

[JayG]

Had I praised the work you would have accepted it without question. You cannot fail to accept a critique in the same spirit without looking like childish.

Someone you don't know took time they didn't have to give you to help you write with more skill, only because YOU asked. And your response to having your wish granted is to behave with petulance.

You are well named.

[Davidgeo]

Oh no, I know who you are. You may have forgotten but I know your quality. You're a total d********g of the pretentious variety. I'm primarily here to troll d*********s like you. I've been sending you read requests for a long time, I always treat you like this. You just must have forgotten how I deal with fucktarded pretentious d*********s like yourself.

[Davidgeo]

Leave some valid unbiased criticism maybe I'll start to respect you again... but we both know that's not your thing. You auto praise some, pretentious d********g review others. Look at my other responses to reviews... I generally take criticism pretty well from actual humans. (I don't count you among them)

[A little flame]

Very unique take on a garden metaphor. I've always thought of walled up gardens as lonely and stiff while forests are wild and free in the most beautiful way. You're really too intelligent for me. Totally went over my head.

[Davidgeo]

I like to think of my mind as something of a garden, that gets overgrown and decimated with age and exposure.

[A little flame]

Oh I see. I'm so dumb, lol. Anyways, great work (:

[Davidgeo]

I'm dumb too. Don't fret.

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

Beautiful Beautiful I love that

[Davidgeo]

Thank you very much pink eye.

[Julie McCarthy (juliespenhere)]

Lol well blue really

[Davidgeo]

I'll take your word for it.