A Cult of Personality Arising

he will cultivate a fear based atmosphere
promising something only he can protect us from
he will conflate with enemies all peers at odds against him
declaring only he among the many can see the truth
he will alienate and misidentify the marginalized
reclassifying them into groups to be feared arbitrarily
he will saturate reality with absurd hyper-manic dellusions
normalizing the bizarre to obfuscate the most insidious parts of his nature

Reviews

[JayG]

I can't argue with the thought, but breaking an essay into lines doesn't a poem make.

[Davidgeo]

Indeed. Point taken.

[Davidgeo]

whoa... wait a minute... I just remembered what we are talking about here. You seriously can't see the poetic meter in this? Youre a f*****g idiot.

[Davidgeo]

I mean that in an endearing way.

[JayG]

But I'm the f*****g idiot you asked to look at it, remember? The one who has been published in fiction, nonfiction, and poetry, and owned a manuscript critiquing service. . If you want better critiques provide poetic work. A political opinion, even if I agree with the sentiment, isn't poetry because:

1. the language is prosaic, and no more poetic than an op ed piece.
2. There's no punctuation or capitalization to help the reader parse it into individual thoughts. Remember, your intent doesn't make it to the page. So while you know where to hesitate and stop the reader has nothing to make the reading manageable. Pick up a copy of, Eats, Shoots and Leaves. It's a fun read and explains why grammar and punctuation matters.
3. I can read pretty much what you said, in pretty much the same language, in a thousand posts on Facebook.
4. You begin each thought with, "he will." That's future tense, but in reality, it should be past. A minor point, perhaps, but accuracy matters.
5.And finally, here it is,minus the arbitrary line breaks. No way in hell can you call it a poem.

• He will cultivate a fear based atmosphere, promising something only he can protect us from.

• He will conflate with enemies all peers at odds against him, declaring only he among the many can see the truth.

• He will alienate and misidentify the marginalized, reclassifying them into groups to be feared arbitrarily.

• He will saturate reality with absurd hyper-manic dellusions, normalizing the bizarre to obfuscate the most insidious parts of his nature.

[Davidgeo]

Better... but pretty presumptive.

I'm glad you shared with me, in great detail, what you think this poem means.

(on a side note, I bait people for sport... you were too easy.)

[Davidgeo]

And yes, you are a f*****g idiot for letting me tell you what to look at.

[Davidgeo]

I wish you would articulate your frustration in more coherent way.

[Davidgeo]

Whoa... Were you being serious with that critique? None of that makes sense. You know I write free form Anto.

[JayG]

Obviously, you're seeking validation, not to improve your writing.

You asked for opinion, and someone you don't know took time they didn't have to give, to help you become a better writer.

Like the response or not, your reaction should have been thank you, not to toss insult the one who granted your wish. That's scarcely the act of an adult.

So given that my goal was to help, not make you angry, I'll just wish you luck with your writing career.

Jay Greenstein

[Davidgeo]

Not so much... I just don't respect people who try and bullshit their way through a review. I have no respect for people of your ilk. I actually despise people like you.

[JayG]

I'm sure you do.But, obviously, you have me confused with someone who cares.

Someone who declares war because the critique they asked for wasn't praise, and pens revenge reviews is pretty well acting out hard to take seriously.

[Davidgeo]

Obviously you care dude.... you keep coming back. Narcissistic chump snobs who don't realize they suck at writing like you are my specialty.

[JayG]

Obviously, poetry isn't.

[Davidgeo]

I don't care if you take me seriously dipshit. I just don't like you. Pompous faux intellectuals like yourself will always get ridicule from me. And your "poetry isn't".... (my specialty) dig is pretty lame kid. You can pretend that you aren't petty and shallow but it always shows eventually.

[JayG]

Of course, were it what you think it is, you'd have gotten more than the one other comment, and that one calling it a description, not a poem—met with your usual schoolyard temper tantrum.

In fact, looking at your other work, most garners no response. And what does praises perhaps a line or two.

Instead of foaming at the mouth and blaming the reader, why not put aside a bit of time to learn the techniques of the poet? If you put no effort into knowing what pleases the reader you can't say you're serious about your writing.

[Davidgeo]

You respond with so many words... yet, you claim to not care. It aligns perfectly with my opinion of you (fake, pretending to be something your not) Being a senior citizen does not score you any sympathy points from me.

[JayG]

Awww, it seems I've upset you.

A point or two to ponder:
• You claim to be having fun annoying me. But you don't sound as if you're having fun. You're angry and lashing out—reacting not thinking. Puts you at a disadvantage.

• You've declared a war you can't win, and, by your words, you hate me. But I bear you no ill will. I critiqued your work because-you-asked-me-to. And as result, you're angry and I'm mildly amused.

Surely you don't think you're the first to go ballistic because I dared to find fault with someone's work? Do you think you're the first to post revenge reviews?

• You're making the mistake of trying to fault my work to counterbalance your own lack of success. But I've never said I'm much of a writer, only knowledgeable of what teachers and professional writers feel is necessary knowledge.

Were you to apply yourself you could master it as well. As Mark Twain said, “It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.” And you're suffering a whole lot of "just ain't so."

• Taking advantage of the anonymity of the medium to say hateful things with impunity is childish. Instead of demanding that people praise you, why not work to MAKE them praise you because of the merits of the work?

Respect is earned, not coerced, after all.

And now, I'm off to Pittsburgh for a week or so, where I probably won't have Internet access, so you can dance solo for a time.

Have fun

[Davidgeo]

Actually, it seems i've upset you. You realize I don't read wall of text bullshit like that right? I'm trolling you and you are playing the part of crusty cranky old dipshit who just can't get enough. You're too easy. Don't fall down the stairs and break your hip tonight.

[JayG]

Upset me? You? Why. Me upset by someone who gets responses only when he asks for reviews, and who insults most reviewers by displaying the verbal agility of the average elementary schoolyard?

For god's sake, you're supposed to be a poet. At least have the decency to coach your insults as befits the profession. Something medieval like "Thou barbarous pottle-deep scurvy-knave!"

Or if you insist on schoolyard, something like, "You indecisive brain-dead hog-humping dickwad !"

Be creative, not trite.

[Davidgeo]

Why are you still talking to me? Oh, right... you think you matter. Can you be done now? I really don't read your pathetic attempts at rationalizing your d****e baggery. You can go now son... you ceased serving a purpose a long time ago.

[Davidgeo]

(bet you respond anyway... like I said, you're a d********g)

[Drowning In Reality]

Nicely put... great description of a sad little man.

[Davidgeo]

It's not necessarily about who you think it is. Though it can be if you want, it does kinda fit almost perfectly.

[Drowning In Reality]

I don't define who... I replied to your description. A sad little man.

[Davidgeo]

Um... What? I was just saying it's not about a human, but it easily could be. I am aware that you replied to my descriptions, thanks for the heads up. Dumb a*s.