The Stuffed Race

there is only one way this story ends

( "this is the way the world ends" )

dead alone, forgotten, the extinction of repetition

no one ever thinks it will happen

( #butitwill )

and there in the last chapter of that stupid book

lies form the story

( "happily ever after...) fancy neatly,

pleasantly tied up ends

have some faux "this is the way the world ends"

by pretending it doesn't

end...

what a f*****g cop out

( "there is no spiritual savings account" )

the big hollow man book is not very much more

than, say, a brilliant story told by an eclectic collection of a*s hats with a fetish

(who had access to paper)

hence all BDSM in metaphor

(most life is a snuff porn)

this was a way a poem ends

Author's Note

Reviews

[...]

The only thing I get from this is that everyone tells a story to fool themselves and others into believing there's some deeper meaning in life. There is no deeper meaning.

(And also, it can be dangerous when a group of believe in something without room for debate.)

Not exactly my cup of tea but solid ideas.
Could use a little cleaning up here and there.

The BDSM line immediately conjured Jesus on a cross. Is that what you were going for?

[...]

Insert 'people' : group of people

[Davidgeo]

There is no deeper meaning.

[Davidgeo]

Good review

[...]

OK. But can you just add an "s" to the word "end" in your first line. Or something? I recommend fixing that.

[Davidgeo]

I wrote this in about 10 minutes with the most minimal amount of proofreading, it is not to be taken seriously. I write a lot to cultivate ideas, some is better than others, some gets more effort and attention. This is one that is relatively mediocre and I have no intention of perfecting it. I don't spend too much time polishing turds... I recommend reading something else of mine, this poem is kinda dog s**t.

[...]

I don't really care if you perfect it or not, the poem itself comes second to the ideas embedded in it. However, if there's a very obvious error I think it's worth pointing out. I can see you have corrected it and that makes me very happy. I have not wasted my time.

[Davidgeo]

Ultimately you are right but seriously, it's the internet not the classroom.... it's good to point them out but don't get all worked up if people ignore your input. Some pieces mean more than others and aren't worth revisiting for some. The more you read here the more you will see some really terrible writing, you'll give yourself a stroke if you worry too much about other's taking your editing suggestions seriously.

[...]

thank you ~
noted.

[William A. Wilson]

Sorry, but I am going to be a harsh critic. This is not really a poem or anything. What I got from this was more of a rap song then a poem. If you extended this, and then sang with heart, it totally could be a rap song (Odd, maybe, but I sang it like it was rap and it works). I am sure that is not what you were going for and I apologize for being such an a*s to you about it. I have to be honest with my reviews if I am going to be taken seriously as a writer. If you cleaned this piece up, making sure their is not any punctuation problems and it is more organized then it is now, it could be something better.
Indeed Harsh, but lying does nothing but hold people back. They cannot get better if their told that they are doing good or it is perfect. Now, I did read a few other works from you so I know you were going somewhere else with this one. Please do not think of me as a negative person, but as an honest one.

[Davidgeo]

It's good to be honest with your reviews. But it's even better to be apt and knowledgeable. Rap and poetry are pretty much the same thing, song writing in general is intimately related to poetry in my opinion. So... I'm going to have say your a bit off when you say "this is not really a poem or anything". Your definition of poetry is simplistic at best and narrow minded at worst. Also, punctuation in poetry is not rigid, especially with people who prefer to write in free verse. I don't think of you as a negative person for your review, but I do think of you as sophomoric and naïve from it.

[William A. Wilson]

I agree with you 100%. I take every word that you said as a compliment. You can call me pretentious if you want to but we all have a lack of experience from another's point of view because no matter what happens or what we learn, we are all naive when we think that we have it hard, or we know more then another. We are all foolish to believe we are smarter then someone else because we want to be smart, we want to prove our worth even if we lie to ourselves and deny it.
Not as a writer, but as a human being, my life goal is knowledge and imagination. I am simplistic and have a lack of knowledge and I am okay with that as we all need to start somewhere. I apologize for not thinking of free verse, as even though I have used it a few times, its one of the many things that I am still learning among so many future things I must also learn if I am to attempt to achieve an impossible dream. A person like me who even limited in knowledge like everyone else in the world and needs to learn a thing or two can just as easily teach a thing or two. This is true for every person in the world as they too can teach a thing or two. Am I narrow minded? Sophomoric? Naive? Simplistic? I prefer being called a human being.
I will leave you with this. I will learn more about free verse but I would like for you to read and review my free verse poem, but don't hold back if you need to bash or point out any issue, okay? http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/william_a_wilson/1826009/

[Davidgeo]

I don't think you're pretentious, I think you over estimate your critical analysis skills to the point where you embarrass yourself intellectually. Yes, all human being have a touch of naiveté and the like but you set yourself apart from the pack with your review and that response to my comment on your review. If you can't immediately see when something is free verse you should probably stop trying so hard to sound like a knowledgeable veteran of poetry. I have no intention of reading your work or asking you to read anymore of my own, you're an faux intellectual bullshitter and I didn't know how much of a total d********g you were. Now, go run along and pretend to be profound and intelligent elsewhere... try the teenagers, they aren't so quick to identify the fundamentally vain and ignorant faux poets.