The Living Destroyed

no one saw tragedy that night

there was no god to judge the violence

no authority quantifying that blood splash

there was no pain to be felt

in thick with adrenaline

no wrong to be sorry for

in that moment

 but after

the heat of spent shells caught between my skin

and my bullet proof vest

among the minutia of the firefight

most will never understand

the blind rage 

in momentarily justified murder

it only lasts a brief moment

mere seconds

before silence

into remembrance  

distilled over time

 

nothing erases that torture

things no one else saw that night

things

no one now talks about this night

my friends, the now dead

my enemies, how vicious we killed

there were no victims among men in that night

our purposed and sanctioned combat

that light of pure reason

and vengeance

nothing was ever going to be forgiven

not after that night

or the next

where everything is permitted

and if you were lucky enough to die that day

spared and released

from a homecoming of hugs

and lies for our loved ones

and widows

that great cost experienced

after the fever dream

of vengeance and death

 

now dressed like a monster caught

and released

upon adulation

and blind respect

we remember the murder of those places

we see happiness in these spaces

in society, a lie

that is worshipped

we come back because we have to

we have no where else to go

nothing left to do

for some there is no armistace day

to breath is war

forever

yet we are still judged

inside ourselves

by ourselves

in self loathing

and unable to say

anything relatable

to anyone

this is our prison

without bars

we now are free

to self destruct

drowning in poison

and regret

it weighs

and it doesn't stop

ever

until it ends