Hairy Palmed Hypocrites

i have not found any problems too small

for my bullshit-retarded solutions.

i pretend the very best phantom pain

for my very fine aloe.

infecting the world with my bullshit,

it's a process, 

caustic in irrational soundbites so irresistible

you can't help it.

you want to and you will deny me,

vociferously,

my point.

the sky is falling and this air is too f*****g clean...

the radicals are coming, we need baby jesus...

the trolls are here let me whine all about it...

transgendered sex fiends are watching me pee...

everything not me is the f*****g devil.

so what if a bunch of priests are pedophiles?

you'll all burn in hell because you masturbate

but i won't.

i could never be so immoral,

ya s**t.

to the death! all abortionists, vaccinators, anti-creationists!

and don't keep telling me,

it wasn't the vaccines that made me this retarded,

or irrational.

just give me

my safe space and my praise chorus

to congratulate me on my solutions

to all the problems that i create

to feel unsafe outside of my space.