Aloha, Snackbar!

Aloha, Snackbar

Welcome, bowel pain

"Free Anne Frank!! Free Anne Frank!!"

I hear the trolls dominate the data bits

That clever b***h

The one with all the numbers

From you on and I in which sand breaks down

Onward and upward anyway

Into a million pieces and ways

To say things break down, may or may not be

Understated

Is my universe smooth?

Or painfully quantifiable?

An insane reductionist's jargon

Fills my trousers like an untimely erection

Repetition, to hell with repetition!

Again and again and again

When will the bad guy win?

I'm getting so tired

Of hell and it's repetition

Reviews

[Elise Anton]

The bad guy never wins. Nor does the good guy. Winning is only ever a temporary illusion, passed around like a hot coal. Some moments of heat for the one left holding it in the end. That's all, methinks.

"An insane reductionist's jargon
Fills my trousers like an untimely erection"

Only from you can such profundity dare to 'show its face'. For these two lines alone, I award you a gold star.

[Davidgeo]

I forgot to put this somewhere http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=aloha+snackbar

[Davidgeo]

And, I'm pretty sure Hot Chocolate already told us that, everyone's a winner.... baby, that's for sure.

[Davidgeo]

If you call me profound again I'll staple your labia to your face

[Elise Anton]

(Note: Use on commercial aircraft is treated as a felony by the FBI.) Hilarious. Thanks for pointing it out. I love the urban dictionary, I get plenty of inspiration there.

NOW I see it for what it is. Everything changed. Ignore the above except for the two lines. They still merit the gold star. I will add them to my wall of knowledge. Thanks for sharing. Your work improves by the day. Bullying becomes you.

[Elise Anton]

Profound. Profound. Profound. What happens when I say it three times in a row? OMG I'm changing my name and moving to the bush. lol. :) lmfa OMG OMG ;) (enough 'small talk' for you?)

[Davidgeo]

You see, on this thing... the only way you could honestly call me profound is if you brought up Jean-Paul Sarte and his fucked up French faced existentialist play "No Exit". Otherwise, we're just a******s.

[Elise Anton]

Okay I concede, You are a profound a*****e. I like Jean-Paul Sartre: "The best work is not what is most difficult, it is what you do best." Something like that from memory, I may have butsshered it but it sounds about right.

[Elise Anton]

*butchered lol

[Davidgeo]

"Hell, is other people"

Watch a movie called Tape with Ethan Hawke and Uma Thurman.... excellent play on that concept. One of the most underrated films of all time in the history of humans.

[Davidgeo]

I bet you still don't get what Aloha snackbar really means though.

[anandbose]

The Sadistic -masochistic imagery points out to the fact that you have a painful erection. Kid, you still have not grown out of the Oedipal complex. The self proclaimed narcissism bores the reader to point of absurdity. Your words lack neither vitality nor edifies poetic merit.

[Elise Anton]

anandbose, are you returning some 'favour' by this review? One cannot offer harsh criticism to 'combat' harsh criticism... it becomes a tit-for-tat and only prolongs the animosity. You become mirror images of each other, really. One should lead by example, not follow the other down the rabbit-hole.

Sorry, it popped up in my newsfeed and...

[Davidgeo]

I'm not entirely sure you understand some of those words Analbose. You try too hard man... it's okay to communicate like a normal person. We know that all those 5 dollar words you use is to pretend you are something you're not.

In your first sentence you said I must have "a painful erection"...... hahahh what? Like, it physically hurts for me to get a boner or is it an emo pain? I have had several boners today, felt pretty good to me. I'll let you know if it starts to hurt though. We can talk about our STD's together.

[barrywatkins]

I'm only interested in learning.

[Davidgeo]

You're still talking to me? There's these things called "hints"... you can take them if you want, they're free.

[barrywatkins]

Oh, sorry, I did read it I just didn't understand it and I was hoping for some help from a fellow poet.

Sorry if I offended you.

[Davidgeo]

Yeah, right. I'm sure you are. This approach isn't going to work either.

[barrywatkins]

Again, not much of a clue as to the deeper meaning. I am trying to understand you and several other writers on this site who I think are pretty good, but am struggling a bit.

[Davidgeo]

Good for you. I don't really care if you get my specific meaning. Understand it however the f**k you want to. Reviews like that are the hallmark of someone who didn't read the thing they are commenting on.