Unformed

A Poem by Davidgeo

""""I know God personally, we tight, sometimes I even allow him to call himself me"""

Dwelling in the place no "form" conciousness file /register, no paperwork

I don't have card reader slots no ID reading catergorical machining

I'm selling you hard metaphorical shots hookin your kids on intellectual rocks

Addicting form standard scared stoopid minds to thought rhymes declaring

The kids ain't alright in a world so fucked up, your ignorance is not virtue nor excuse

It's compliance in a lie, a trade for warm nights and pleasent days

At the expense of everything you turn away from

Not even aware enough to be ashamed of

On the back of an entire world

A tradgedy censored concealing a reality

Completely devoid of that morality

Box you checked on that form

© 2016 Davidgeo

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Reviews

r. f. jordan

Dear HansJizzy,

though i don't believe we'd previously communicated until today, i hope all is well with you. i have not checked your other pieces yet, but i saw they were not posted earlier today. just in case i am this site's first reviewer to offer feedback on your work, i want to welcome you in hopes that you might stay. i saw, from scanning your profile, that you might be a fan of Saul Williams. he is definitely a prophetic and prolific artist, no doubt. once he was reportedly asked what he believed to be poetry's point. his answer, reportedly, was as follows:

"I'm making this up, I have no idea but here we go. I think that it would be to express, to share, to relieve, to explore. For me, poetry offers some what of a cathartic experience. I am able to move through emotions and emotional experience particularly, you know, break-ups, difficulties in all the things that I may face, whether that is with an industry or a loved one or whomever, there needs to be an infiltration process, like you have a window open over there. That is the purpose of poetry: it is the window that opens, that allows some air in, some other insight, some other possibility so we can explore all that we feel, all that we think but with the space to see more than what we know, because there is so much more than we know. If I didn't open myself to the possibilities of the unknown, then I would be lost."

there is undeniable depth to Mr. Williams stature in this world's current artistic scene. he is, i believe, a true renaissance man.

this piece you have shared, "Unformed", indicates an irrefutable talent that you appear to be working from. it possesses strength of tone, sharpness of lexicon, and an undeniably ancient move through rhythm. this piece's final stanza resembles an exploding hydrogen bomb with its way of levelling pre-supposition and any notion that status-quo is acceptable. there are indications of spoken word influence throughout this piece, with its brilliant use of rhyme and off-rhyme, internal rhymes within lines, and expansive perspective within its speaker. i've performed at more than a few slams myself, and consider that art of slamming to be particularly difficult to make headway with. i'm even a member of a particular slam group, and i appreciate that bond that forms between kindred slammers. a good deal of slamming has to with picking apart other performers because of a slam's competitive purpose, but it never appears to take away from that mutual respect i see slammers genuinely possess for one another. they pick apart, and even shred, one another's work because their unified goal is to become a better team as a whole. like linebackers against running backs on a football team, they are trying to pulverize each other on that practice field, because they are practicing for that big show of regional and national slam competitions where they're going to be picked apart by even fiercer opponents. for me, i look at this site like it is that open mic session before those slams i've been to. at those open-mics, there are no judges scores or competitions. each artist is usually given more time to perform, and there is less stress for those artists to avoid penalties of going over in time. this allows less experienced artists, or artists that might appear to those veteran slammers to be naïve or timid, to share their work in a less hostile forum. some of those open-mic performers eventually promote themselves toward slamming, and others don't. as a matter of fact some of those most intellectually brilliant artists, at least in that slam group i belong to, have no desire to slam because they don't believe their writing style translates to slamming. often, i believe they are exactly correct when they feel that way, and for however long they feel that way they remain correct even if ad infinitum. with all of that stated, i'm also going to share that open-mic readers and slammers often influence one another even if they are coming to their events from amazingly different backgrounds. your piece reminds me that it has been some months since i made it to my group's monthly event, and it also has helped me toward this conclusion: i miss it. one final idea is what i like most about that quote i posted above from Mr. Williams. he opens with a comment that is rife with my favorite trait that a vast majority of my favorite artists, in all mediums, possess. "i'm making this up. i have no idea, but here we go." he closes with another glance at that same humility elluding to how much more vast that which is unknown is when compared to that which is known. this brilliant introspection speaks to that truth that he holds a Bachelor's Degree in philosophy, for that moment in which i think i know something, i've actually closed my mind to that vast unknown that pervades all aspects of human history. i believe that collective unknown, and so much of what that unknown causes, is also a part of what your speaker is in a crisis against in your piece. i could be wrong about that. i've been wrong hundreds of thousands of times. regardless, thank you for sharing your unflinching talent with this site. i'll state it one more time. i hope you stay.

Posted 8 Years Ago

Dear HansJizzy,

though i don't believe we'd previously communicated until today, i hope all is well with you. i have not checked your other pieces yet, but i saw they were not posted earlier today. just in case i am this site's first reviewer to offer feedback on your work, i want to welcome you in hopes that you might stay. i saw, from scanning your profile, that you might be a fan of Saul Williams. he is definitely a prophetic and prolific artist, no doubt. once he was reportedly asked what he believed to be poetry's point. his answer, reportedly, was as follows:

"I'm making this up, I have no idea but here we go. I think that it would be to express, to share, to relieve, to explore. For me, poetry offers some what of a cathartic experience. I am able to move through emotions and emotional experience particularly, you know, break-ups, difficulties in all the things that I may face, whether that is with an industry or a loved one or whomever, there needs to be an infiltration process, like you have a window open over there. That is the purpose of poetry: it is the window that opens, that allows some air in, some other insight, some other possibility so we can explore all that we feel, all that we think but with the space to see more than what we know, because there is so much more than we know. If I didn't open myself to the possibilities of the unknown, then I would be lost."

there is undeniable depth to Mr. Williams stature in this world's current artistic scene. he is, i believe, a true renaissance man.

this piece you have shared, "Unformed", indicates an irrefutable talent that you appear to be working from. it possesses strength of tone, sharpness of lexicon, and an undeniably ancient move through rhythm. this piece's final stanza resembles an exploding hydrogen bomb with its way of levelling pre-supposition and any notion that status-quo is acceptable. there are indications of spoken word influence throughout this piece, with its brilliant use of rhyme and off-rhyme, internal rhymes within lines, and expansive perspective within its speaker. i've performed at more than a few slams myself, and consider that art of slamming to be particularly difficult to make headway with. i'm even a member of a particular slam group, and i appreciate that bond that forms between kindred slammers. a good deal of slamming has to with picking apart other performers because of a slam's competitive purpose, but it never appears to take away from that mutual respect i see slammers genuinely possess for one another. they pick apart, and even shred, one another's work because their unified goal is to become a better team as a whole. like linebackers against running backs on a football team, they are trying to pulverize each other on that practice field, because they are practicing for that big show of regional and national slam competitions where they're going to be picked apart by even fiercer opponents. for me, i look at this site like it is that open mic session before those slams i've been to. at those open-mics, there are no judges scores or competitions. each artist is usually given more time to perform, and there is less stress for those artists to avoid penalties of going over in time. this allows less experienced artists, or artists that might appear to those veteran slammers to be naïve or timid, to share their work in a less hostile forum. some of those open-mic performers eventually promote themselves toward slamming, and others don't. as a matter of fact some of those most intellectually brilliant artists, at least in that slam group i belong to, have no desire to slam because they don't believe their writing style translates to slamming. often, i believe they are exactly correct when they feel that way, and for however long they feel that way they remain correct even if ad infinitum. with all of that stated, i'm also going to share that open-mic readers and slammers often influence one another even if they are coming to their events from amazingly different backgrounds. your piece reminds me that it has been some months since i made it to my group's monthly event, and it also has helped me toward this conclusion: i miss it. one final idea is what i like most about that quote i posted above from Mr. Williams. he opens with a comment that is rife with my favorite trait that a vast majority of my favorite artists, in all mediums, possess. "i'm making this up. i have no idea, but here we go." he closes with another glance at that same humility elluding to how much more vast that which is unknown is when compared to that which is known. this brilliant introspection speaks to that truth that he holds a Bachelor's Degree in philosophy, for that moment in which i think i know something, i've actually closed my mind to that vast unknown that pervades all aspects of human history. i believe that collective unknown, and so much of what that unknown causes, is also a part of what your speaker is in a crisis against in your piece. i could be wrong about that. i've been wrong hundreds of thousands of times. regardless, thank you for sharing your unflinching talent with this site. i'll state it one more time. i hope you stay.

Rating /100