Never Gone

Sometimes, letting go seems impossible.

The faint aroma of freesia flowers never smelled so good. I could taste it with every deep breath I took; it meant she was near. My eyes, to nervous to open in case her scent disappears, in case she disappears, braved it anyway. And there she was, right in front of me, in her wedding dress. I always loved the way her loose curls softened her face. She had a rose in her hair, above her ear, just as she did on our wedding night. As her eyes, looking exactly like they did 20 years ago, smiled at me, and her sweet lips moved forward to kiss me, my mind went back to our wedding night, the beginning of the rest of our lives together. To me, she looked just as she did that night. I knew she wanted me to go back there. 

“Do you remember that night?” She softly whispered with a curious smile on her face.

“How could I forget? 7th of June, 1990”

“No not the date. The night it self.”

I could barely hear her voice, but that didn’t matter. Hearing it at all has kept me going these past few days.

“It was raining outside. You know how much I loved the summer rain.” She murmured breathlessly. 

“That was the reason you chose the date. You wanted the rain. Lucky it wasn’t too cold”

She laughed, “Can you imagine? I’d have to walk down the aisle with a jacket on. The marquee only kept us from getting wet, it wouldn’t keep us warm”

“If you had it your way, there would be no marquee at all.”

“Where’s the fun in it raining if we don’t get wet?”

“I don’t think the guests would have seen it the same way. It was one of the things only I understood about you.”

It felt good to be talking with her like we did, before everything changed. She had a glow about her; almost shimmering in the soft light coming in from the outside. Looking up at her from my chair I could almost see an illuminated ring above her. The window rattled and a flurry of wind blew the freesia scent away from me. I breathed in deeper.

“It’s what got me to be this way. But there’s just something about being washed by water from the heavens that made me feel cleansed somehow, it’s a wonderful feeling. And me getting sick from it, I needed to suffer.”

“Honey…please believe me when I tell you that you are not marred. I know you regret what you did, and it took you some time to find God, but He forgives you. He does, He really does. You are a different person then you were 28 years ago. I could never handle how you thought you deserved sufferance, but no one could make you think otherwise.”

“The rain was comforting to me.” Her face was serious now.

My arms wrapped around her body. Her soft skin chilled mine to the touch, but my heart warmed. 

“I know love. I just hate thinking, maybe I could have had you for a little bit longer,” I slowly whispered in her ear “I love you”

“On our wedding night, do you remember what I said to you?” her soft voice sounded faint even right next to my ear.

“I am yours and you are mine forever.”

“Yes. I am yours forever. I will always be with you. Just close your eyes, and I will be there.” 

Someone rung the doorbell, but I barely noticed. She started to feel lighter in my arms. I quickly opened my eyes, I could hardly see her back; it was fading.

“Don’t go!” I sobbed

“I’m always right here” she patted my chest.

She was disappearing in my arms.

“No!! Don’t leave me.”

“I love you” the last words to feebly escape her mouth.

The scent of freesia still lingered, but it smelled sour now. It was coming from where she lay next to me, in her wedding dress, a rose in her hair. Her skin had creased in parts, which she always complained about, but she never stopped being beautiful to me.

A thudding noise was at the back of my head, getting louder and louder.

A bald man in a uniform tapped me on the shoulder. “Excuse me sir, my name is John. Your son let us in. We’re here to take the casket.” 

Wiping away my tears, I turned to him, “Just a little bit longer, please”

“Sure” he nodded understandingly.

I brushed my hand over hers, and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

“I will always love you.” I whispered in her ear.

“I’m ready.” I said as confidently as I could to John and his colleague.

They closed the casket, and lifted it up with little effort. They were out of the door much to quickly. As she got further away from me, I wanted to scream. I wanted to punch these sadistic undertakers for tearing us apart. I wanted to run away with her. I could see my son knew what was going through my mind as he held me back. I had to fight every urge of stopping them. I stared after the car until it disappeared; the rest of us would be going to the funeral later. But I needed her now.

I closed my eyes, and there she was, standing right in front of me in her wedding dress, as real as she was that night.

Author's Note

Please give me your thoughts and opinions, what's bad about this story? is the plot ok? is it logical? does it seem too shallow? please help me out.

Reviews

[Harry Alston]

This is a really nice idea for a piece of writing, but it lacks some real emotional depth, as you mentioned. I'd simply try and be more soppy, but go about it in a intelligent and moving way, if you can :)

[lirique]

thank you :)