The Dark Victors

Wild crimsons, royal blues, and evergreens flew high as the afternoon breeze caught the banners. The heat from the sun only added to the anticipation and tension hanging thick in the air. Horns and battle drums blended and battled in a deafening cacophony over the chosen ground.

At the edge of the fray, the trees grew ever more crowded. Beady eyes, set above jet black plumage and beaks watched, and waited.

As each side rallied, their leaders orating and driving their faithful, they waited. They were secure in the knowledge that they would stand the victors on that day, without ever lifting any weapon. Today, they were the ones with the foresight for victory.

As man’s ambition and reach for power overwhelmed reason, the two sides clashed. Drums and horns were replaced with the screams of terror and pain only war and strife could motivate.

Still, they anticipated, and stood patiently, their numbers growing into an army of their own.

Today, on the day of battle, the only true victors waited on the edge of the battlefield. As the clashing of sword and spear ceased, only then did they make their move. As victory cries died down and the songs honouring the fallen faded, only then did they begin to circle. The spoils theirs, and theirs alone.

They lost precious few in number, if any. Man, in his romanticist fantasies credits the owl as the wisest of birds. Yet today, the crows were the true victors.

Author's Note

My response to a 250 word flash fiction prompt "Birds". Any feedback is appreciated

Reviews

[Tabby Mac]

The imagery is great. The flow is great too. I knew it was about crows because of your notes but still had to read it twice to really soak up all the tid bits in this piece. I wonder if the the title could be something like:
The taste of victory
I like how you had two story's going on here about man and bird in the background it's perfect really but knowing it's about crows wondering if in the second of last paragraph could mention as mans screams died down the crows began to caw. Obviously not as corny as I just said! But in your own magnificent way. And the title is just because I was yearning the entire piece to hear you say the taste of victory referring to the crows. This is my own pompous yearning and only suggestions!
We have a ton of birds in our back yard mostly crows, hawks, and turkey buzzards so your story is true to their nature I watch them all the time. The crow is the most interesting to watch because even from my mediocre observations I can gather their patterns, and pack like tendencies. From the way they communicate to the way they interact with each other. I've even watched them gang up on a hawk for stealing one of their young.
Well done I enjoyed the comparisons and unique way you chose to write this piece!
Tabby

[NeuroVersifier]

Great concept. Very creative.

[Leigh]

You have written with great impact, including the title

[S. von Glaubitz]

This is a great short piece. Crows after a battle is a theme that I come across a lot as a fantasy-lover, and it even has mythological roots in the valkyries of the Norse mythology. Here, though, you've made it the focus, which I don't think I've ever come across, and it's rather effective--the idea of the crows as the unnoticed third player in any battle. The imagery, especially in the opening paragraph or two, is quite well done. Both inspired and inspiring!

[Gábor Selényi]

Wow. This is obviously the work of a genius.

[Avinash]

Some really beautiful imagery in this work. I loved the wordplay in this short story.

[Ruth]

I enjoyed reading this.
I did get that they were birds but otherwise the imagery was hard to follow.
As I said: I enjoyed this. I didn't really get it until the last sentence, but I enjoyed it.

[Christina McFarlane]

A wonderful literary piece. The visions it conjured for me were of an epic Medieval battle fought in northern England. The men, unshaven and unkempt, lobbing their massive and heavy iron swords at their enemy, while positioning themselves behind wooden shields for protection. For such a short story, you did a great job combining two different story lines into one cohesive piece. Thank you for the great read!

[Anjali]

Thank you Anthony for the read request. I felt overwhelming reading the scenario you created in the initial part of the story. I enjoyed the way you described about the Dark Victors- the crows!

[Stanley R. Teater]

A very creative approach. I've never tried flash fiction from prompts. It looks like an interesting exercise. Limiting yourself to 250 words is tough. It should teach one to be very Hemingwayesque and use only necessary words. Nice work.

[Shannon]

The imagery here is powerful and we'll written. As far as flash fiction goes, I do have a rather large suggestion. To me, right now this feels like a beautiful poem. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. The reason is we, the reader, know the end very early. The title and second paragraph spell it out. What if the title were something like 'true Victors' and your description of the birds didn't specify they were birds? Dark figures gathering, covering so dark a black they gleam blue, 100s of perceptive eyes waiting, watching.

The writing is perceptive and lush with details.

[Anthony Wayne]

Thanks for the read, that's a really good idea. Tweaked the title, let me know what you think of the new one

[Shannon]

I think that changing the title keeps the reader in the dark a lot longer. Well done.