Fine Print

James was never close to his Mother. How could he be? Her company was her first child, and she focused more on that than on James and his sister Angela. It was like that, up until the day she died.

“James, Angela. Thank you both for coming, I know this can’t be easy” Lawrence Fisher spoke above the drizzling pitter patter of raindrops on the window.

“It’s alright Larry. As our family’s lawyer for what, going on…thirty years now? This can’t be any easier for you.” James replied.

“Hear Hear,” said Angela. “For once, something we agree on” James smiled, that movie star smile that had brought many a young man to his knees, in spite of the developing wrinkles.

They laughed, to ease the tension more than anything. Lawrence Fisher was the only one really laughing.

“Guys? Tea? Coffee?”

“Ugh, Coffee? You know how much I love tea, Larry,” Laughed Angela

“You’ve twisted my arm, sure, why not?” James chuckled, throwing his hands up.

Larry got up and turned on the small kettle he kept behind his desk. Calling to his secretary, she brought a small pot and three cups and saucers into the office. Nice enough but nothing fancy.

“It certainly tickles the senses. I can’t wait to taste it” murmured Angela in a sultry voice as the tea brewed. She smirked across the table at her brother. That degenerate gambler who’d managed to lose a King’s ransom on poor investments and the ponies. It would be the last time she’d have to see that smug prick’s Vaseline grin.

James smiled back, his grin devoid of any humour or goodwill. He’d never have to hear that insufferable faux ‘femme fatale’ dusky accent she put on when she was trying to charm people. The huskiness in her voice she didn’t need to fake, though. Six packs a day since she was 20 seemed to be taking its toll, and 20 was a long time ago.

Now, to the boring stuff. As you both know, your mother’s estate is worth about two billion dollars…”

Nothing new. People reading off their mother’s accomplishments. James sat, as he always had, opposite his sister, her silent glare trying to burn holes as they listened to Larry. James didn’t care, he had more to worry about. Sal had sent a few of his ‘friends’ around to the house, reminding him of his debt to their employer. Like he needed any reminding. They’d only just missed the estate agent who'd been kind enough to inform him he’d be homeless by the end of the month.

 “….... divided equally among her living next of kin, that’s down to you two. In the event of either of your deaths, in the absence of a will the remaining assets will be divided equally among the last remaining next-of-kin. So, everyone clear?”

“Crystal” drawled Angela as she signed. James frowned. She seemed really smug today. Was it the promise of the money? No, something else. Probably had some new boyfriend who was richer than Mom was. James focused on the task at hand, only breaking his sister’s gaze to scrawl his signature on the dotted line.

“I think the tea’s about ready! Larry said excitedly. He gingerly picked up the gently steaming pot, leaned over and filled Angela’s cup. One..two..

“That’s enough for me, I think Larry” Angela said, abruptly.

James’ eyes flashed. Something was weird here. She couldn’t know. Surely not. He and Larry had been so careful. James smiled at Larry as he filled James’ cup and then his own.

“Chin chin,” Angela picked up her cup and raised it to them.

“Your good health” James retorted flippantly.

“Guys, what is this, a toast? Drink up already! Larry exclaimed, before putting his cup down and shuffling through the sheaf of papers he’d been reading from, “Oh wait, forgot the fine print…”

James sipped the tea. It was sublime. A slight bitterness, tasted like...almonds? More of an aftertaste than anything. He watched Angela take a sip and grinned. Yes, baby sister. Smile. You’ll look the better for it in your coffin.

Angela observed James take a sip and savour the taste. Savour it well, dear brother, that’s the last drink you’ll ever have.

“Ah! Found it!” Larry spoke up, “as an added caveat, should the Sutton estate be bereft of next of kin, then the total value of the estate, Mrs Sutton’s earnings and all of the assets entailed will revert to the attorney of record.”

James’ smile faltered for the first time. Had he heard that right? “Wait, Larry, I don’t remem…..ber anyth…about..th..” His tongue felt heavy and the room seemed hot and stuffy despite the rain. His head started to ache. His eyes widened as he felt Angela still watching him. His eyes flashed between her and his teacup. No…..NO!

James’ vision clouded and his breath became harsh and ragged as his mouth began foaming. The last sound he ever heard was Angela giggling.

 Angela couldn’t help but giggle. So easy. Oh, so easy. Her giggle grew louder, until she coughed. She breathed in to clear her throat but her lungs refused to take in the air she was so desperate to draw in. Black spots exploding across her vision, she tried again. What? How? It had only been two seconds, she counted herself! It shouldn’t have affected her! What happened?  She began to feel dizzy, and nauseous. In desperation, Angela turned, or rather, lurched towards Larry, he could help, he coul…….

Larry was sitting straight. His steaming cup on the table, untouched.

Angela’s brain struggled between staying alive and piecing together what went so catastrophically wrong. Larry, watching with an almost phlegmatic air about him, saw the moment when she put two and two together. Her mouth began to froth and she collapsed forward, knocking her head on the desk. James’ head lolled backwards. Still upright in his seat, but very much dead.

It hadn’t been difficult. The spoiled brats had clamoured to him, providing the schemes and even the weapons of their own destruction. Larry had become so used to their families’ eccentricities that he’d become desensitised to them.

“And that’s why, we always read the fine print” Larry chuckled to himself, taking utmost care to empty both cups and the teapot into his houseplant. He glanced around the room as he picked up the phone. He’d been fond of this office. Not that he’d need it anymore. It wasn’t like he needed the money. He’d just come into a retirement fund that would turn any CEO green with envy.

The Police declared it open and shut. It was the Sutton family, this wasn’t surprising.

 Evidence from the scene included; Two porcelain tea cups. One empty teapot, and a dying houseplant.

Author's Note

I would appreciate any feedback you have for this story

Reviews

[Kathrin S]

A very good story - short, but to the point. The reader is kept interested throughout and it slowly leads toward a strong and scary ending. Character development is good and I liked how you didn't describe the attorney very much. He seemed like the minor character, until we find out that actually, he's the mastermind behind the whole thing.
Here are my notes while reading:
- Pay attention to punctuation. Sometimes it's not correct. E.g.: 'easy(,)" ' or 'agree on." ' You could just proofread the whole thing once, only focusing on punctuation, and then I think you should find most of them.
- The part 'twisted my arm' - I didn't understand what exactly was meant there. Because of the tea? Does he prefer coffee? I didn't know enough about the characters to get this.
- "James didn't care ..." In this part, there are too many repetitions of 'James'. Substitute with 'he' a couple times.
- "She couldn't know about the poison ..." Why tell us here? It would be more fun for the reader if you left it unknown and just said: "She couldn't know." This would instantly make us want to read on to find out what she doesn't know.
- "It had only been two seconds, she('d) counted herself!" What does this refer to? I was confused by this sentence.

It's a very interesting story that kept my attention. You give enough information to understand the characters, without it being too much for a short story.

[Anthony Wayne]

Thanks for your review, you bring up some good points

[M. L. F.]

"Twisted my arm"... is a common reference, I think. ;)

[M. L. F.]

It means, you persuaded me, oh, I didn't want to, but you talked me into it, / aka: being tempted.read moreIt means, you persuaded me, oh, I didn't want to, but you talked me into it, / aka: being tempted.
:)

[Kathrin S]

Yes I know what it means, it was in the context that it didn't make sense to me. As in - usually people don't have to 'twist someone's arm' to maje them drink tea - unless they really don't like tea. If the latter is the case, it works well, but then that has to be clarified beforehand.

[M. L. F.]

Ah, yes. I see.

[Stan Lee]

I liked the title. "Fine Print" was an interesting choice and piqued my interest. The story was nicely paced and had some fine imagery. Thanks for sharing.

[barleygirl]

I like the overall idea of a short snippet in the lawyer's office to reveal a larger plot with many twists & finally taking us to an unexpected ending, which was kinda expected, actually, after the lawyer read the fine print (but this expectation didn't detract from the ending). Pretty imaginative to pack all this into such a short story, but it works. I felt things could've been a little clearer in a few places, however:
1. It doesn't really come across clearly that the sister was planning to kill the brother while the brother was also planning to kill the sister. We can figure this out eventually, but it doesn't jump off the page. That's why it doesn't serve the purpose of distracting the reader from the real culprit, the lawyer.
2. I had to reread paragraphs 9 & 10 a few times before I figured out that each sibling was thinking bad thoughts about the other sibling. At first, I thought the bad thoughts were directed at the lawyer & secretary. This is why the murderous intentions of the siblings was not immediately clear to me.
3. Altho you did a good job with character development by showing instead of telling, the thing that was absent for me is setting. It would've been nice to "see" more about where this all took place.

All in all, your writing is pretty well structured & not full of typos or other mistakes. Your storytelling idea is great, but the execution wasn't as clear as it could be, as I already mentioned. Your storytelling is best becuz of the way you bring in good conversation & descriptive details about the tea, & especially about the actual dying. Many writers miss the opportunity to really flesh out the gore . . . if people are going to die, then seize that drama & show us how it looks, feels, sounds, etc. You did a good job of this, altho it also could've been a little bit more dramatic.

[Lord of mad men]

Very good and if I am not mistaken the poison was cyanide? If not I would like to know what it was. This is a very good story but I love the ending the most because money was not the motive.

[dw817]

The makings of a real murder mystery. Except this one was solved and ... ??? Open and shut case ? Or is it ... Is it possible that the two poisoned each other in the hopes of gaining their share ?

[EvaThornburn]

From the very start to the end I found this to be a great write. Imagery was spot on. I really need to read more of your writes. Will look forward to it. Thanks, for sharing your words. Eva

[Pushkar Prabhat]

this is good.......
the story......procedural narration.......metaphors and stuff.......all on point.......but yes, it needs a little touch-up here and there.........just read it once.......restructure a few lines......
i very much enjoyed the suspense and reveal.......
the end, specially, was fantastic........
i really liked it!!!
:)

[M P Ramesh]

Anthony,


Narration is a craft much in challenge with any writer. The fact that theme or style whatever it may be and you may call those require the flight inside with narration. The form was first challenged always when a new genre of literature starts to live on. The anguish of post modernity was theoratised by Eco as never ending despair for new and new...................See ........... how you say to your girl/boy that you are in love with her/him when all such positions in language have been bankrupted .....even when you say you are in mad with love.......it is already applied 100 years back.Then the option left for new writers is to split it inside as above.......................the diction very much important in short story even though not acknowledged properly by readers/critics. But the writer in you has successfully overcome the stigma as above.........


excellent attempt indeed.......

I liked the new way by which you approached the item............
I backed it always in my language hence said
I don't know anything about your original language


If it is English you remember me about Henry James


M p ramesh
carry on................

[Silmara McGarry]

Well written and revealing on as we move into it. With a great finale that kept me liking that I read it.
A real well done from me! Keep up the good written ;-)

See you...
Sil :-)

[Jane D]

The story was nicely written - great job on revealing the twist bit by bit! I think your lack of descriptions for Larry actually helped the flow; it seemed as if he wasn't that important, but that all changed. The ending was wonderfully crafted as well - abrupt, but it enhances the impact on the reader. I'm looking forward to reading more of your stories.