Post Mortem

Pry me away from all that's alive
Offer me again that life changing high
Stop me from looking back on what was
Take it all back , give me release because
More of you is trapped here with me now
Over my skin and I don't know how
Re-living all that we had, what I feel
Trembling with thoughts of what I believed to be real
Everything is not as it seems
Maybe I've just been trapped in a dream

Author's Note

haha i tried!! :-p any suggestions on how to make it better?.. oh and no im not depressed it was for a contest.

Reviews

[patrickmaloney]

it is one of the best poems i read

[John Stussy]

Well I can see why you placed with this piece! Great job, it's a pretty good acrostic.

[Melanie Jane Boicourt S..]

"Maybe ive just been trapped in a dream "
That and all of the "i's" in your authors notes.

I am sorry if I offended you in any way. I did not mean to.
Love All, Mejasha

[Melanie Jane Boicourt S..]

I liked it. I especially liked the name that you gave it. It was fitting.
Is there a reason that "i" does not get capitalized? Is this a style that the young ones do now because of texting or something. Just curious.
Love All, Mejasha

[Travis Lawrence]

Very relatable, I love the lines: "More of you is trapped here with me now / Over my skin..."

That is strange to think about, because the rest of the poem seems so emotionally internal, yet he is trapped over your skin, an external implication. This gives powerful insight to how you really feel, an actual physical touch dreamed up by your memory. It also makes for an interesting contemplation to wrap my brain around, how can someone be trapped over skin? I love it.

Have a nice day!

[Mr Marathon]

That was wonderfully written. Had a good rhyming style rhythm.

Plus an effective ending. Those last two lines go really well together.

[Joseph - Michael]

No, I don't have any suggestions, just only to tell you this;

Just hear what the others have to say about your writings, no matter if they were good or bad, just take their words, adapt them, then on your next writing, you will improve. BUT, most importantly, always write something and stay with the writing as long as you're happy. If you're not happy with your writing, then your writings wouldn't be that good, that if you get my meanings

Other than that, it's all good here...