Its okay now

I've gotten past the hard part

I can't count the number of nights that I stayed up, numb and hurting. My mind flooded with the thought of you talking and loving another girl who wasn't me. It killed everything about me. It killed my self esteem, my self worth, my motivation to get up every morning. You flooded my mind and thoughts and i had absolutely no idea how to tread the water, therefore for those weeks of hurt, I was drowning. 

Not once could I accept the fact that things just might get better and i would have any sort of happiness again. I forgot how to smile and i cant even begin to explain how bad that hurt me, yet that wasnt the worst part. I was no longer the happy-go-lucky person i used to be. The worst part was It began to affect that people around me. I lost friendships and family relationships because my heart was unable to show emotion. You ruined that for me. You ruined me, period. You say sorry but you don't mean it. 

You still to this day try to use me for my body and what i could physically give you but you want nothing to do with me emotionally. I let it happen for a while. I thought maybe if I gave you myself physically, you'd want me emotionally too. You didn't. You won't. I cannot be a sex toy for you. I have more respect for myself and the more physically attached you became, the more emotionally attached i became.

But I'm done. It's over. Remember how I never thought I would be okay again? Forget it. I'm so much better now. I'm so proud of how far i have come without you. I spent years of my life without you and i can do  it again. i will no longer be at your beck and call and you will no longer have control of me. That is not how i was raised. I have more respect for myself than that. I have accepted i deserve more and this is all YOUR loss, not mine. If anything this has taught me more about myself than anything else in my life.

I do not want anything from you. I cannot take back the time i wasted on you and i cannot take back the fact that you broke my heart into an absurd amount of pieces. But, I do ask from you one thing. Remember me. Remember me when you are lying in bed at night alone and remember what you let go. Remember that i would cross the world for you and you wouldnt cross a room for me. Remember what we couldve had and the love i had for you. Remember that you fucked up. Remember that I am doing so incredibly without you, better than I could do with you by my side. And the last thing? Remember that I will never ever make the mistake of loving you again. No, dont think I hate you, for i cant hate someone I dont care about. 

My last words to you? The words that I just now have come to acceptance with and it has never felt better?

boy, this is your loss. not mine.

Author's Note

ignore grammar problems

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[Greg Agee]

Do I ever cross your mind, anytime. Do you ever same up reaching out for me. Definitely had your say. But, not for a minute do I believe that they no longer love that person.