Two Weeks pass

A Story by G

my heart got broken and i needed to talk about it but not many people would listen

The worst thing is when you can feel someone slowly pulling away. One day you don’t send the same text at the same usual time and that becomes the normal. One day you don’t stay up late not caring about losing sleep because you get to spend that time talking to someone who makes you happy, and that becomes the normal. You may seem like you’re trying with all your heart but it’s not returned. They used to send you responses like each a separate feeling with a different meaning and now it’s one word. No meaning. No emotion. No feelings. No matter how much you try to bring those heart felt responses back its impossible. You know you deserve better but you cant bring yourself to end it because even though they don’t care as much anymore, you never stopped. One day you bring the courage to say something, ask what you did, ask how things changed. They say its not you its them. But you both know that’s not true. They admit things have changed but deny that they are the one pulling away. Things end and you’re broken. You spend the next days thinking about them. They run through your mind nonstop and you cant help but think you haven’t crossed their mind once. You ask yourself why you always care so much and why you cant find someone that cares just as much and wont hurt you. People notice and ask whats wrong and you throw out the same old “I’m tired” excuse. Classes seem to drag out and you find yourself missing 100% of what the teacher says due to your mind being in other places. It gets to a point where everything hurts. Not only emotionally but your heart actually aches in your chest. It hurts that one person can have so much control over you. Every day your self esteem gets lower. You replay conversations in your head just trying to look for the spot where things changed and the spot where you messed up. It kills that you cant come up with anything and you cant pin point the place where your world turned upside down. You have this constant feeling of not being good enough. Countless times your best friends tell you “he’s not worth it” or a personal favorite “you could do better” but the thing is…. He was worth it and I honestly don’t think it gets much better than that. Night is the worst. Lying in bed and having your head all over the place and it makes things worse. You don’t cry. You cant cry. You have no feelings left to cry, just numb and pain.

Days pass. Nights with less sleep . School days without learning.

One day you wake up and think its finally passing. You’ve made it through the worst. Your heart starts to give itself a break and you cant find that person occupying your mind quite as much. You begin to turn the page to that chapter in your life and move on. Move your focus to things that actually make you happy and that you know cant disappoint you. That person becomes a memory and you lose all anger towards them. You finally reach the state of acceptance and peace. It’s amazing. Relief has never felt better. You smile for the first time in weeks.

But life cant have that. That’s not how it works apparently.

Your phone buzzes. Its that ringtone that used to make you so happy. The ringtone that would make your day and the ringtone that you had become so accustomed to hearing on a daily basis but it has been missing lately. Your heart stops and you cant breath. Your hands shake as you pick up the lightened screen and read the message hoping yet terrified.

“I miss you.”

3 words. 3 words that you never thought could hurt so much but make you so happy at the same time…

Your heart drops. All those feelings of relief? Happiness? Acceptance? They’re gone. Its like they were never even apparent. You realize again why you were so sad in the first place. You had something that made you so happy that made goodbye the hardest thing you have ever had to do. You scan your mind for a response but come up with nothing other than the worst thing you could possibly ever say

“I miss you too”

At that point in time? You just proved to them that they are in control. They have you where they want you. You are at their beck and command. But it doesn’t matter, you are so extremely invested in this person that it doesn’t matter.

You’re weak but it doesn’t matter

They hurt you but it doesn’t matter

They’ll hurt you again but it doesn’t matter

They want you back and it does matter.