Time for a chance

About Monica that wanted to be a cop. One thing that her first case is something that she will never forget.

                                               Monica had just become a cop when she was told to check out a old house. It was said that there had been no one there for sometime. It was where she had to check out for there was people that thought that heard voices and some of the lights were on . Monica knew the house that the people that lived there the town just left them alone. One day they just vanished all of them. No one ever went in to the house they thought that the ghosts  of the family were still there . It was something that Monica did not believe in and told her boss  that she would look over the place . Monica knew the history of the place .It was something that Monica could do to prove that she belong as a cop.

                                               The one thing that caught Monica was when she touched the door it was cold to the touch. She made her way in and it was cold in the house . It would not of been a problem if it was winter but it was summer. The place was neat for all the time that there was no one there. Monica looked around but did not find anyone in the house. There was one place that Monica went last that was the basement . There was a feeling that Monica had that if the family was killed that who ever it was that they had buried the family down there. Going down the stairs she thought that a hand would come out from under the stair case but it did not. Monica looked around there in the far wall there was a scull . There was a note told of this guy thought that he was going to get over on the family but he found out that you never mess with the Browne`s. She took a picture and sent it to her boss and he found the guys family. 

                                           It seemed that was the trick for it seemed to get warmer in the house. It could of been that the man was trapped in the house when the family left. It had that when Monica had her boss find the family that the ghost was freed . It was something that there was something that got Monica thinking. There still was the question of where did the family go? It would just have to be one of those questions that would never be answered .

Reviews

[JayG]

Minor point first: You indent a new paragraph by about five spaces, via the word processor’s top ruler’s top pip. Tabs and spaces don’t work properly online..

• Monica had just become a cop when she was told to check out a old house.

You’re thinking in terms of “story” being the progression of events—the plot. But that’s a report, and no more interesting than any other report.

The goal of a report is to inform the reader in way that’s, “This happened…then that happened…and after that…” That doesn’t work for fiction. But because it’s how we were taught to write in school, and no one mentioned that Fiction-Writing is a profession, and like all such, has its own specialized knowledge and set of tricks, we leave school thinking we know how to write.

But, you can’t design bridges without the necessary math, nor be an accountant without knowing those skills. And that applies to all forms of writing, be it poetry, tech-writing, or fiction. Journalism, screenwriting, and fiction-writing for the page each are degree programs at the universities, and you have to assume that at least some of what’s taught there is necessary.

So, since you’re writing fiction, why not read a book or two on the techniques of doing it? Personally? I’d suggest starting with Dwight Swain’s, Techniques of the Selling Writer, which recently came out of copyright protection. It's the best I've found, to date, at imparting and clarifying the "nuts-and-bolts" issues of creating a scene that will sing to the reader. The address of an archive site where you can read or download it free is just below. Copy/paste the address into the URL window of any Internet page and hit Return to get there.

https://archive.org/details/TechniquesOfTheSellingWriterCUsersvenkatmGoogleDrive4FilmMakingBsc_ChennaiFilmSchoolPractice_Others

Sorry my news isn’t better, but since we’ll not address the problem we don’t see as being one, I thought you might want to know.

Hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/