In The Black (Terzanelle)

Somnolent stars are suspended in space.
This is the night, the dark flower of day,
an endless darkness of ceaseless embrace.

My eyes are like stars that have drowned at bay,
and there is a gray rain within my heart.
This is the night, the dark flower of day.

The moon rides high, her gentle light impart.
Though there are no tears, I ache with the pain;
and there is a gray rain within my heart.

Blacker than ink, the night drips down the drain,
and dead dreams live in melancholic ire.
Though there are no tears, I ache with the pain.

Silent and dark, I burn with the desire.
I dream the dreams of desperate despair,
and dead dreams live in melancholic ire.

In the black, his name is etched in prayer.
Somnolent stars are suspended in space.
I dream the dreams of desperate despair,
an endless darkness of ceaseless embrace.

Reviews

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

Truly beautiful
I love this
Well done

[William Michael Reeves]

I was looking for 'Naked Pearls of Lust', and the name of the form caught my eye so I stopped here. Beautiful poem Linda. Solemn, but beautiful. I see the difference between this and a Villanelle. Advance the second line in each tercet instead of leap frogging the first and last like a Villanelle. Excellent poem! Fine form.

[emipoemi]

This form is very new to me, and quite intriguing in structure, seemingly combining Terza Rima with Villanelle, and you've pulled it off very nicely! Well done!

[FlawedByDesign]

As Dinesh said, the experimentation with the form is nice, but it did not leave a good impression me. The imagery and the descriptive nature of stanzas is magnificent, but the repeating lines created a redundancy in my mind. Made the sound re-play in my mind like a deja-vu.

Good effort :)

[Dinesh Sairam]

"My eyes are like stars that have drowned at bay"

One grand-time vivid imagery. Made me feel at ease.. :)

'Gray rain' is a nice phrase :)

The last stanza -- I felt it was incomplete.. Maybe because I wish this poem could go on forever :)

PS. I see that you're starting to experiment with forms.. :) But take it slow, lol. :D :)

Keep writing.

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

a gorgeous literary sequencing on a palpable note of pensive suspension cloying beautifully around the reader's perceptions~sensate poetic~ aural engagement between words ~ creator~ reader~

Blacker than ink, the night drips down the drain,

this particular line brought itself off the page as one of the most cleverly restrained movements of sensuality barely hinted at and yet so richly ripened through with it just beneath the surface perceptions~ exotic and enchanting~