A Cloud Is Free and So Flies Away

A cloud is free and so flies away

as a white sail upon the ocean,

bright with the light of a sunny ray

with its gossamer wings in motion.

 

It is like a kiss blown to the wind

between two lovers that must depart

or the quiet presence of a friend

whose smile brings happiness to your heart.

 

It is like a veil that drifts afloat

the sky-swirled face of a blushing bride

whose kisses rain from her azure throat

to Smith Mountain Lake and ocean tide.

 

It glides along a wingspan of light

like the pen of a dreaming poet

whose shower of smiles imbibes delight

when the world cries but does not know it.

 

A metamorphosing sight unfurled -

a sea-washed spirit when wild winds blow -

it transmigrates the top of the world -

a freelance flyer with miles to go.

 

A dove on the shoulder of the sky,

she folds the world beneath peaceful wing

as church bells echo and street lamps sigh

invoking a song of gathering.

 

I smile to myself at thought and scene.

Afternoon tea is a sweet bouquet.

As I wait for spring and shades of green,

a cloud is free and so flies away.

Reviews

[Lucia]

Hi, thanks for the read request and here's what I think...
I really like the similie in the first stanza (my fav) and I think I detect an extended metaphor. The tone also seems to me to be content and hopeful and that same time (sorry if I'm totally off) and I also like how you started and ended with the same line. And for some reason, throughout my reading experience I felt like this beautiful cloud is slipping away from me.
Really enjoyed this...thanks for the request ^_^
~Lucia~

[Taylor H.]

i was amazed by your story great job!

[Dave "Doc" Rogers]

There are a lot of metaphors in this piece. To me they seem disjointed and do not carry the reader through the event the poem is trying to describe. Even in capturing a moment noticed during afternoon tea, the reader should be carried through the event. For me, the poem doesn't capture the freedom of the cloud as entitled for this piece. The reference to the lake doesn't aid in description. It is context limited. Perhaps if you noted reflections of white cumulus on a canvas of blue; something along those lines accentuating the beauty of Smith Mountain Lake.

I do like the work in meter and rhyme. It is a welcome change from beat or spoken styled poetry; even if it is my own. ;)

[Kaelyn Shea]

awww this makes me sad

[Coyote Poetry]

A beautiful poem. Nothing better to be able to relax and watch the cloud and be able to think. I like the story in the poem. A pleasure to be able to read your poetry.
Coyote

[Cassandra D.]

I'm pretty amazed at the beauty of these words.
This was simply a wonderful poem.

[Krazy On The Outside]

Wow, I really really love this piece. The imagery is so amazing in here.
Wonderful job!!

[LisetteCanWrite!]

Tranquil moments consist of writings like this.. just gazing at the sky doing whatever it may be.. but it's a classy dreamscape you portray here.. brilliant feeling with the rhyme and flow.. I really liked this one!

[Charles]

I agree with S.W. - the rhyme and meter is very well done. What I like is that the meter does vary here and there (I don't like monotony in meter) and that an occasional rhyme is not perfect (wind/friend) or unexpected (poet/know it). To me, this represents a certain comfort as a poet - a bit of sophistication. If there is a weakness in the poem, it is that 6 stanzas say pretty much the same thing (describe clouds) and the poem doesn't move forward until the last stanza. I guess this isn't so bad (each description is very nice), but poetry that weaves a tapestry often gets stronger response from readers. The metaphors in the first and third stanza are predictable, but those of the second and fourth stanzas are more innovative (a kiss betwen lovers, pen of a dreaming poet). The introduction of afternoon tea is quite abrupt and I'm not sure it serves your purpose well - maybe you could do something with this line... the follow-up line (wait for spring and shades of green) is also a sharp contrast to everything else. The good thing about these two lines is that they anchor the poem to a time and place. All in all, I'd say this is very well done and a feather in your cap.

[Tina Kline]

Creates a very pretty, peaceful picture. Enjoyed your poem a lot.