Positioning each word where it is happiest, your rhyme is unforced, your imagery perfectly balanced. One rhythm, rhyme, meter, fluid throughout, making your subject supremely revealing and delicate.
A classic poem. Very much like something i would imagine seeing printed on a plaque or decorative plate in someone's home. Really nice work. You don't see many poems as tight as this one in meter and rhyme anymore.
Your rapturous cloud is imbued with the spirit of a guardian angel inamorata.
"the sky-swirled face of a blushing bride/whose kisses rain from her azure throat"
"A dove on the shoulder of the sky,/she folds the world beneath peaceful wing"
And yet the emphasis on the cloud's freedom evokes a subtle bodied spiritual liberation. Protection, desire, liberation. Care, ardor, transcendence.
Your cloud is the spirit of whole Love in the sky of clear Mind, summing up free individuality, friendly warmth, compassionate embrace, erotic romance in a singular wonderment of atmospheric grace.
Delicate, recurrent, transcendent, blissful.
Your quatrains are sublime, an exquisite contemplation.
Rather a pleasant scene evoked her, this wandering cloud and its imagined journey. There are a couple of flaws in the metre which threw me - 'upon' the ocean' in the first verse, which I would be more comfortable with 'on'. The 'but does not know it' in v4 would be better with the contracted 'doesn't'. I love the imagery of the penultimate verse, 'as church bells echo and street lamps sigh, invoking a song of gathering.' I also think inserting 'the' into 'As I wait for spring and (the) shades of green' would improve the flow. Nice one.
OMG, reading this made me smile so hard. hahaha.
I loved this poem so much.
I've always had an idea... kinda like this.
But never posted it. Reading this made me happy.
And now, when I look at the sky. I'm gonna smile.
(Not that I don't, I'm just gonna smile harder.) LOL.
Poetry has been my passion since I was about fifteen years old, and I love the structure of rhyme and meter moreso than just randomly throwing words upon a page without any form whatsoever.
Whi.. more..