This image speaks with a whisper. Your words are soft and do well to breath life into the image without having to shout. It's a fresh and soft piece that I very much enjoyed.
Posted 7 Years Ago
7 Years Ago
Thank you. I was not happy with this when finished and ended up writing Driftwood II. I would appr.. read moreThank you. I was not happy with this when finished and ended up writing Driftwood II. I would appreciate your thoughts between the two. While this one left me feeling unhappy, I was really happy with the second.
7 Years Ago
It would be my pleasure to have a read of the revision and share my thoughts.
Hello, Linda! :)
This is beautiful. I realize I'm screwing things up here, but for me it reads better like this:
"The wind whispers, and the words are rain.
The moon is brushing her silver hair;
and I am cleaved by the joy and pain
that shape my world, my spirit, my air.
I am a gypsy, a mystery,
the moon is brushing her silver hair;
and all the things that are meant to be
will ever be as they will or do.
I am a gypsy, a mystery,
a breath that dissolves into the blue;
and dreams will drift and be on their way,
will ever be as they will or do
until shadows stain and sorrows sway
until sweet promises fade for good,
and dreams will drift and be on their way
forever floating like drift to wood.
The wind whispers, and the words are rain
until sweet promises fade for good
and I am cleaved by the joy and pain."
Posted 7 Years Ago
1 of 2 people found this review constructive.
7 Years Ago
Thank you.
The Terzanelle is a combination of the Villanelle and Terza Rima. It cons.. read moreThank you.
The Terzanelle is a combination of the Villanelle and Terza Rima. It consists of five interlocking triplets/tercets plus a concluding quatrain.
With visually I agree with you, I am keeping true to the form of the poem itself by writing it in the way that I did.
Love your avatar. It's cute.
7 Years Ago
That looks like a fun write. The Terza Rima is new to me as well. Thanks for the introduction! :)
Perfect marriage of art, words, and music. Love the eloquence, musicality, repetition and ethereal imagery-"The moon is brushing her silver hair."-memorable line. " I am cleaved by the joy and pain."-yes! Love hurts. Great.
the pic caught my eye instantly and then the music started ... so i listened ... not to be distracted when reading ... but then the music kind of blended into the background and i read your poem ..wonderful first verse .. very dramatic, romantic personifications and so fit the pic ...i enjoy the mysteries you wrap around and into your poem through "gypsies' ... the music also weaving a spell ... such a complete package .. and the wisdom of our life in pain and sorrow ..bitter sweet as we learn so much from it ..gaining empathy and depth of character .. so glad i stopped to read this poem ..just beautiful says i!
E.
This is an amazing terzanelle, Linda.
The rhymes flow with ease and the descriptions are vivid and evocative. I love the repeated lines (characteristic of the form) and how they complement the poem's haunting atmosphere. I also like how you used enjambment between lines and stanzas to add your special touch of uniqueness ... it made the words read less predictably, almost like free verse.
I enjoyed every stanza, but the profound simplicity of "and all the things that are meant to be / will ever be as they will or do" stood out as my favorite lines.
Brilliant poem.
Wonderful, Linda Marie!
As in so many of your pieces, there isn't a whiff of anything in this that does not envelop the senses, taking much of one along into your moment, enthralling word choices and arrangements flowing with every vivid picture painted, as though on a film strip, frame by frame, thought by thought, feeling by feeling, your living, breathing words sweep us up into them, until we end sifted in a puddle of poignant emotion, our hearts left rent!
Every rhyme scheme and chaining refrain dances seamlessly down the page; thus, creating an effectively beautiful Terzanelle.
How can we help loving your poetry, your picture choice, the perfect touch of Gypsy-esque Eastern music, your manner of poetic voice simply soars … stunning!
Thank you ever-so warmly and gratefully, Linda Marie! ⁓ Richard
Poetry has been my passion since I was about fifteen years old, and I love the structure of rhyme and meter moreso than just randomly throwing words upon a page without any form whatsoever.
Whi.. more..