A Mirage (Serpentine Verse)

Seems we never know hunger till we see the feast. We don't know the extent of our thirst until we sense the water. We don't know passion until we see.. the dancing mirage.

 

 

Under a nectarine sky, the wheel stopped spinning under
intense pressure as the cloud turned into a woman with intense
dark eyes, hidden behind her golden veil, trimmed with dark
lace, dangling with shimmering crystals; and the lace,
tempted the eyes to look at her and lust for her, tempted
wavering winds to caress her brow and tempted wavering
men to lower themselves prostrate, becoming slave men.

Worshipping her wistful ways, they bowed, worshipping
her by caressing her feet, brushing the cobwebs off her
desert skin, the webs of many men captured in her desert.

Dreams of color danced in her eyes, the changing dreams
unrolled before them like a feast, the feast unrolled
before starving men who never knew hunger before.

Like the wind, she is like magic, dervishly dancing like
lavender dust over an amethyst oasis, her lavender
lips pouring shadows into their souls, while their lips
call her name as drops of death fall in their mouths, call
her to come to them and slake their thirst with a drink from her
well - her wholesome well - her Heaven-on-Earth well.
Wishing they could drink from her lips, they died: wishing.

 

 

 

Author's Note

Reviews

[willweb]

Now that ending was kind of unexpected but understood. So this is a serpentine...I like this. It seems very difficult to accomplish but you did it nicely. I really like the poem, it is hypnotic in a way and I can see why the men fell at her feet. I wrote a poem titled, "And I could not look away" or something like that. This brought that poem to mind but only because of that line and the theme, a beautiful temptress the men could not resist. Just like your poetry, I cannot resist it either. : ) Thank you for leading me to this one, what a wonderful treat.

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

Thank you, Will. I think the sinuous movements of a belly dancer lend themselves very well to the serpentine verse. As she undulates from side to side, so does the serpentine verse, with each line beginning and ending with the same word. Since men often die when witnessing a mirage, the ending just seemed natural to me. Now, I feel like I want to write another serpentine verse. :) Imaging your fingers on the piano keys, I think it would be good for you as well. (Challenge?)

[willweb]

Hmmm...I just might take you up on that.

[Trace]

You have quite creatively described pure unadulterated LUST.

And I like it. I felt it. I am personally endowed with it..

This was a remarkable poem to read and enjoy.

Excellent poetry my friend.

Trace

[Eagle Cruagh]

They died wishing. Most needy men die wishing perhaps.
You write well of women, of heaven and beyond unto
unknown galaxies.
An exciting and imaginative story. Having seen the feast,
I hunger for more.
---- Eagle Cruagh

[WILDERNESS]

The picture is enticing but the poem is even more. Its seduction to a level of crime ,,,,, such women do exist in real world, such emotions certainly do... well written

[MsJewel]

I have found it very difficult to write using this form - but you have made it look effortless in this beautifully descriptive poem. The images you have created are breathtaking:

Like the wind, she is like magic, dervishly dancing like
lavender dust over an amethyst oasis, her lavender
lips pouring shadows into their souls, (lovely!!!)

A gorgeous poem and a pleasure to read!

:) Julie

[emmajoy]

What a magnificently created piece of writing, Linda.. only you can make the fragilitynof a mirage seem so clear, so vivid, so dramatic. Yours words drift like desert sands, it suddenly dawns on me, and your choice of metaphors and colours just add more layer over layer.

' worshipping her by caressing her feet, brushing the cobwebs off her desert skin, the webs of many men captured in her desert. ' She's appeared alive to wanting men who need more to live, more to see and feel .. and as they attain what they want, they .. fade too. I think.

[Dean]

that nectarine sky (great color choice), the impressive alliteration at the close, and the spell of her dance, entrances all who ever claimed to be men. Memorable indeed, Linda Marie.