INFERNO

Inspired by certain beliefs (not mine) i'm sure you may guess

Bound in cobwebs of stainless steel
In fire's of crimson hue's
I await a fate I didn't choose.

In fear and trepidation
Eyes erratic movements
How I wish That the screams of tortured souls I could not hear

Will my own torture stake be to much to carry?
For in the blood and entrails of the slaughtered
There I read my perpectual doom

What use was all my love and hate, that has lead me to this fate?
Can Angels consume the foolish deeds?
Or will Devils disect this once proud heart?

Fire's flare in consumption of so many hopeless souls
Trapped never listening no nor wishing to hear
God I thought I knew it all

Pity the poor and broken down
who had so little chance
Yet the haughty one's shall burn along side this stupid man

So my friend sing out the songs of your own inequity
Scream your innocence, though no one believes the things you say
Face the eternal fire, that fire of destruction, thats waiting

Waiting for both you and me.

Reviews

[KATHY SUE SILLS]

Double WOW! This was wrote so brilliantly about hell! Thank God there's a Heaven!

[Ladysue]

Great title and the message certainly comes shining through...nice work..

[sarah]

This has such a great message great job!

[Esoteric Strand]

The message of this poem is loud and clear: we’re all gonna burn! It’s a success in that regard. My problem is with the diction and the redundancy ( fire’s flare) and awkward lines (…That the screams of tortured souls I could not hear). In addition to these issues, there is considerable punctuation weirdness that could easily be cleaned up.

This poem is more like raw material that needs to be melted down and put through additional creative processing. It’s on the right track, but I would be interested to see how this poem would benefit if the long(er) lines were shortened and a real economy of expression was employed.

Regards,

E

[JanieB]

We all have our own and very personal beliefs. A difficult subject to write about, and you did a great job.

[OT]

nice!! I echo PJ's words below - don't believe in this but if I did!! woah! haha! well done!

[Chelsea]

I don't know how to say this--- But this was some amazing poetry :)

[.]

I don't believe in this..but if I did then I would start repenting now...24/7

[Moflo]

This definitely painted such a well defined and vivid image that draws the reader right in. It also brings up a question that a lot of us must ask ourselves eventually, where we will spend eternity. It is a very deep and valid poem, and I think it came out really great. Excellent descriptions and excellent tone, I liked it.

[Poetic Beauty]

Wow this is a deep and very vivid picture of what to me would be Hell. It is a nightmarish tale that you spin in this poem and I can almost feel the fire on my heels. The flow is smooth and each line just blends into the next one.