Funny 5

Jokes taken from various television shows.

This old country farmer had taken his nephew camping for the first time. His nephew had five degrees and he was known to be one of the smartest men alive. They set up their tent late that evening and quickly fell asleep. In the middle of the night the farmer woke his nephew up and said, ``Look up at the sky and tell me, what do you see”. He replied, “I see millions of stars.” The farmer said, “I know that, but what does that tell me?” The nephew said, “Astronomology tells me that there are millions of galaxies. Meteorology tells me that it is going to be a beautiful day. It tells me God is a great creator. The nephew then asks the farmer, “What does it tell you?” The farmer said, “It tells me someone stole our tent.

This middle-aged woman had a heart attack. On the operating table she asked God if this was it. God said, “No, you have forty more years.” Upon recovery she decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, a tummy tuck, liposuction, an extreme makeover. Two months later as she was leaving the hospital she was hit by a car and killed. She got to heaven and said, “God, I thought you said I had forty more years.” God replied, “I am sorry I didn’t recognize you.”

This eighty-five year old lady, she went on a blind date with a ninety-five year old man. When she returned home to her daughter's house later that evening, she seemed upset. Her daughter said, “ Mom, what is wrong?” She said I had to slap him three times. Her daughter said, “You mean he tried to get fresh with you.” The mother said, “I thought he was dead.”

This mom was cooking breakfast for her two young sons. Brain was five and Kevin was three. They began to argue over who should get the first pancake. She saw this as an opportunity to teach them a lesson. She said, “Boys, boys, if Jesus was her He would say let my brother have the first pancake.” Brain turned to his little brother and said, “Ok, Kevin you be Jesus.”

There was this man named Bubba. He lived way out in the country. This stray dog kept showing up at his house. His wife said. “Bubba, you got to put him into your truck and take his way off into the woods and drop him off.” When he got home the dog was walking up the driveway. His wife said. “Bubba, you have to take him way out in the country, drive around in circles. Get the dog all mixed up.”  Bubba put the dog in the truck again. This time he drove an hour away, criss-crossing county roads he had never seen before. Two hours later Bubba called home and asked his wife, “Did the dog happen to show up?” His wife said, “Yes, he is walking up the driveway now.” Bubba said. “Do me a favor and put him on the line, I need directions.

Author's Note

Be gentle.

Reviews

[emmajoygreen]

Dear goodness, this collection will help me find such grinning and gurgling dreams; all super fantastic, written so well, neither too long nor short.

'Choice: first is witty, the second funny, the others are more than memorable too!.

Full-ish marks for the happiness.. thank you. :

( Is said that a person's character is found by his or her sense oi humour.. are you doing research!)

[Linda Stinson Wells]

No. Not doing any research but I surely need to.

[Arundass TP]

No, you have forty more years.. The soul of events. Beautiful writing.

[Lorry]

That was kind of the kid to let his brother be Jesus. 😊
And maybe the woman should keep the dog and let Bubba roam free! 😊
Glad I found these, on a cold and wet Tuesday morn. 😊

[Dave Brown]

God not recognizing the heart attack victim gets my vote

[Aura]

These are all so funny! I especially liked the first one concerning the "smart" man and the tent. He can't be so smart if he didn't even realize his tent which he slept in was missing!!! Thank you for the wonderful jokes!

[JayG]

Umm...these are transcriptions of jokes. Have you been looking through old Reader's Digests? 😁

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you dear Linda for making me smile. The mini-stories were amazing. Thank you dear friend for sharing the outstanding and fun poetry to read.
Coyote