Funny 4

Jokes taken from various people and places. Just want to share with my friends.

A snake went to the optometrist to get a pair of glasses. The optometrist said, “What would you do with a pair of glasses? You don’t have ears to hang them on. Your eyes are in the wrong place. Why not try some contac lenses?” So the snake said, “Ok. I will try the contac lenses.” Three weeks later the snake comes back to the optometrist. The optometrist said, “Well, how are you doing?” The snake said ``I can see perfectly well but I am all depressed.” “Why are you depressed?” The optometrist asked. I just discovered for the last three years I have been living with a water hose.

 There was this young man, he was a huge football fan. He bought two tickets to the next super bowl game not realizing it was going to be on the same day as his wedding. He paid two thousand dollars for each ticket. So he put an ad on Facebook explaining his problem asking if anyone would like to go in his place. Of course someone responded immediately. He replied to the response that it would be at 3:00 p.m. at the First Baptist Church and her name was Tiffany. 

This lady was on an airplane reading her Bible. The man sitting next to her said, “You don’t really believe all that stuff in there, do you?” She said, "Of course I do it is the Bible.” He said what about that guy who got swallowed by a whale? ''No one could possibly live that long inside a whale.” She said,  “Are you talking about Jonah?” He said, “Yes I believe that is him.” She said, “I don’t know. When I get to heaven I will have to ask him.” The man asked, “What if he is not there?” She said, “Then you will have to ask him.”

One day up in heaven satan and Jesus were having a contest to see who was better at computers. After six hours hours of making  spreadsheets and designing web pages, a thunderstorm knocked the power out. When they rebooted the computers satan started screaming and pitching a fit. All his material was lost. Jesus politely walked over and printed his out. Satan said, “This is not fair. He must have cheated. How come He didn’t lose his material?” God smiled and said, “Jesus Saves.”

Author's Note

Hope you enjoy these.

Reviews

[Robert Haigh]

Thanks for the smiles here. They are all quite funny!

[Coyote Poetry]

Dear Linda. You made me smile many times. Each tale was a gem. I didn't know you could write some tomfoolery with your poetry, and I love it. Thank you for sharing the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[Linda Stinson Wells]

Well thank you Coyote Poetry. I appreciate it. I am sorry that I have not been on for a long time but I am still having medical issue. I am suppose to get it fixed next week.

[Coyote Poetry]

I hope you are feeling better Linda. I was glad to see your name on the board. You are welcome.

[Linda Stinson Wells]

No actually I am not feeling better. I am still in pain but suppose to get it taken care of again next week. Believe me I am counting down the days. I hope all is well with you. Take care my friend.

[Linda Stinson Wells]

You are welcome Coyote. Sorry I have not been around lately but I am still in lots of pain. I am working on another funny (5) I should have it posted very soon. Plan on it anyway,

[JE Falcon]

Fun and Funny! I especially liked the Football Fan Joke. ... ❤👍

[Linda Stinson Wells]

Thank you JE Falcon for the review. I have been out of pocket lately. Got a medical problem causing me to have a lot of pain. Suppose to get taken care of next week.

[JE Falcon]

The best to you, keep positive.

[Dave Brown]

for sure no1 is the big winner
They must have gotten along OK
Better than an awful lot of couples

[Aura]

haha I enjoyed reading these :) My favourite one has to be the first one. Poor snake thought his eyes were bad but turns out the problem wasn't it at all, the problem was the water hose, which the snake probably thought was a snake like itself. Unfortunate situation. But surely, the snake had to suspect something was wrong when the water hose wasn't slithering or was pumping out water at times right??? Thanks for sharing Linda!

[Linda Stinson Wells]

Who knows what goes on in a snakes mind! I was also wondering the same thing myself. There was many things that "red flagged" when I heard this short, short story. Thanks for the review my friend.

[Chris Shaw]

Linda, all of these were a delight to read. You have a real talent for humour. The first one about the snake and contacts, was my fav. Very well done. Hope all is OK with you. Have a great day.

Chris

[Linda Stinson Wells]

Thank you for your review, Chris. I must admit that I don't make up these jokes, I get them off from various television shows that I watch. A lot of times I add to or take away to make them more humorous. Thank you for your review.
Everything is not going OK with me at all. I'm still in a lot of pain and the pain doctor won't move my up. So I have to wait to October 28, to see him again. It sucks. You have a great day also.

[Kim S.]

This is really cute, I enjoyed this write. Love the ending.

[Linda Stinson Wells]

I am glad you like the writings. I have many more to post when time permits.Thanks for taking the time to read them.