Funny-2

Jokes taken from various shows on the television.

I heard about these two evil brothers and they were very wealthy. One of them died and his brother said to the pastor “I’ll make a deal with you. I’ll make a large donation to the church only on one condition. When at the funeral you will say that my brother was a saint.” At the service the living brother made a large donation. The pastor said “This man was evil. He lied, he cheated,and he stole. Compared to his brother he was a saint.

This rich man once threw a party. He had a pool filled with snakes and crocodiles. The rich man offered to give the guest anything they wanted if they could jump in and swim to the other side. One guest jumped into the pool and swam 90 mph and made it to the other side. The rich man said “OK, what do you want?” He replied “More than anything I want the name of the person who pushed me in.”

This man was sitting in the living room watching TV when his wife came in and hit him up the side of his head with a frying pan. He asked, “what was that for?” She said “That was for the woman's name I found in your pants pocket.” He said, “Oh honey, that is the name of the horse I bet on at the horse races last week.” A week later she came in and hit him on the head again with a bigger frying pan. When he came to, he asked, “What was that for?” She replied, “Your horse just called.” 

I heard about this 85 year old man that was out fishing one day when he heard this voice saying, “Pick me up and kiss me and I will turn into a beautiful bride.” He turned around and didn’t see anything. Once again he heard, “Pick me up and kiss me and I will turn into a beautiful bride.” He looked down and saw a frog. He said, “Excuse me, are you talking to me?” Once again the frog said, “Pick me up and kiss me and I will turn into a beautiful bride.” The man reached down quickly, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog said, “You were supposed to kiss me.” The man replied, “At my age I would rather have a talking frog than a beautiful bride.”

Author's Note

These are just a collection of jokes that I get off the television on certain shows I record. I like to share them with my friends. Hope you enjoy them.

Reviews

[Lorry]

Third one wins it! Or maybe the second... I'm not usually so indecisive, or maybe I am, but I'll get back to you on that! 😊

[Temperance]

I had a friend who would send me a collection of jokes every day until he died. He called them Chuckles. They made my day. Thanks for sharing these chuckles.

[John the Baptist]

I have a cousin who sends me emails containing similar stories. They never fail to make me laugh. Liked especially the first one in this offering.

[Dave Brown]

no.4 is my winner

[Linda Stinson Wells]

Yes number four is great. I also have a Funny 1. You should check it out also. I will read some of your writing soon. Right now I have a horrible headache. Have a good one.

[supernova_thoughts]

:D these were really funny. You made my day!

[JE Falcon]

Very funny and well needed. --- Thanks!

[Linda Stinson Wells]

You are very welcome. I also have a Funny 1. You should check it out.

[Linda Stinson Wells]

It will not let me send you a friend request because it says you have sent me one and to click here to accept or deny. When I click on it, it says there is no current request. Please try to send the friend request again.

[Aura]

Haha these were funny! My favorites was the first and third one. In the first one, at least the Saint kept his end of the bargain... in the most funniest way! When you thought he was going to lie but he says the complete truth! Compared to the living brothers the dead brother was a Saint... that tells us the evil brother was really super evil lol! And the third one!!! That "horse" is so smart, it can operate a phone ;)

[Linda Stinson Wells]

Yes, the living evil brother had his bribe backfire against him. And the horse was just doing what he was trained to do. It is not his fault his owner was stupid. As far as we know it cost both of them their lives. Thanks for the review.

[Aura]

My pleasure :)

[Linda Stinson Wells]

I love a good laugh. At my age a smile is few and far between. I write them down and post them on here so I can always go back and read them. I can't remember I damn thing nowadays.