Funny-1

Jokes taken from various television shows that I record. I write them down to share with my friends.

I heard about this teenager that just got his driver's license. He

asked his father about maybe getting a car. The father said son I will make a deal with you. If you will read the Bible every day, bring your grades up and cut your hair. The son came back a month later and asked about the deal they had agreed upon. His father said well you read the Bible everyday, you brought your grades up. But you still haven't cut your hair. But dad, I've been thinking about it. Moses had long hair,Samson had long hair, Jesus had long hair. Yes son and they walked everywhere they went.

I heard about this senior citizen that was driving down the freeway doing 80 mph in his brand new corvette. He saw some flashing red lights. Behind him was a State Trooper. Not thinking about it he floored it and got up to 100 mph. When he heard the sirens he pulled over. He said to the officer, "I do not know what I was thinking." The state trooper said, "it is Friday and my shift ends in thirty minutes. If you can tell me a reason why you were speeding that I have not ever heard before I will let you go." The man thought about it and said, " years ago my wife ran off with a state trooper. I thought you were bringing her back." The officer said, " Have a great weekend."

I heard about these three men that were out in the wilderness when they came upon this violent raging river and they needed to get to the other side. One guy prayed please God give me the strength to make it across. Puff, God gave him big arms and strong legs. He was able to swim across the river in two hours. The next guy prayed to God to give me the strength and the tools to make it across. Puff, God gave him a boat. And he was able to row across in thirty minutes. The next one prayed and said God  gave me the strength, the tools and the smarts to make it across the river. Puff, God made him a woman. She looked down at the map, walked five minutes down the path and walked across the bridge.

I heard about this preacher who had been bear hunting all day long. He searched and searched with no sign of a bear. Finally he put down his rifle and went to the stream to cool off. About that time he saw this huge grizzly bear running full speed toward him. He was about 100 yards away. The preacher fell to his knees and said, "God, I need divine protection. Please convert this bear to a christian. Right then the bear froze in his tracks and he lifted his paws toward heaven. The bear said thank you Lord for the meal I am about to eat.

LSW

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[Linda Stinson Wells]

It is a whole lot of "I heard about" I have many more to add, but it will take me time. I have Parkinson's and I shake a lot. Plus I am in the process of moving.