A Silent Suffocation

Basically just how I was feeling after a long day of retail work in which some of the customers seem to mistake politeness for interest.

my smile is both my armor and my downfall
my kindness, a noose around my neck,
hanging me out like so much meat
for the waiting wolves.

self preservation steals the breath from my throat
when i want to rage, when i want to scream
when i feel your eyes trail down my body
like greedy, groping fingers grabbing at what you have no right to.

stranger, i am not your sweetheart, not your baby, and my smile is not your invitation.

Reviews

[L.V. Ana]

As a service worker, this poem hits home. You did a good job of describing a well-known feeling that many women in retail work experience. What I really like is the language here. The line, "Self-preservation steals the breath from my throat," perfectly accentuates the hopeless feeling that can come in these instances. The imagery of eyes like groping fingers really gets at the invasiveness. That last line, separated out from the previous stanzas, really drives the point home. I don't necessarily agree with JayG, though as someone on the inside I might not have the best perspective, but I feel like you do explain what you're talking about well. You don't have to tell us the story of the retail position for us to understand the greedy groping eyes of the stranger, that their words of sweetheart and baby are not welcome, especially with that very poignant last line - "my smile is not your invitation."

Even if it weren't about retail work, it still has meaning. Anyone who's been female understands this feeling. Our smiles are constantly mistaken for flirtation, and we can't always retaliate or speak our minds because it could be dangerous. I do think this poem transcends, in a way, its own origin, and holds true in many circles. By leaving the inspiration vague and merely describing the feelings you had and the actions that were taken, it lets people see so much more in it.

This is beautiful.

[April Blue]

Amazing poem.... I love the way you describe your smile as a negative and a positive... The description you write concerning your the eyes that trail down your body is genius.... As it is all put together it makes perfect sense for a very powerful poem..

[Peach]

Very relatable.
Though I cannot speak from a retail perspective, as a bartender and barista I've encountered this many a time. There's this helplessness being behind a counter and someone like that approaches you. You can't escape those "groping fingers" because you're at your place of work and that's pretty terrifying; especially if that same person finds out your schedule and makes it their mission to trap you in their "conversations" on a regular basis. I'm sorry if that's something you deal with regularly.

[JayG]

• my smile is both my armor and my downfall
my kindness, a noose around my neck,
hanging me out like so much meat
for the waiting wolves.

When you read this you have perfect understanding. But as a reader, I have no idea of what the situation is. So how can a smile be both armor and downfall unless I know what "downfall means to the one speaking? In other words, from the reader's viewpoint, a good part of the story never made it to the page. And since you wrote this for that reader, shouldn't they be in on the secret?

Never forget that the reader has none of your advantages: They don't know the backstory, the character's motivation, the current situation, or who those "wolves" are. And in writing, you can't say, "You know what I mean," because the reader, who probably has a different background and interests, plus different cultural and age based understanding—and even perhaps gender based differences in viewpoint—won't know.

Perhaps, where I the one the letter is written to, it would be meaningful. But since I'm not, what can words referring to events I've not experienced, mean?

Keep in mind, as you write, that the reader isn't seeking to be informed. The fact that someone they don't know is upset with someone not introduced, is irrelevant to a reader, who came to you to be entertained.

The reader doesn't care about YOUR pain, remember. They don't know you. They want to be made to FEEL that pain for the same reason the one in the poem does.

And that's a b***h. But it is what the reader comes for.

In other words, don't tell. Make them live the situation.

Hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein

[Coyote Poetry]

Honest and strong thoughts. I liked them.
"stranger, i am not your sweetheart, not your baby, and my smile is not your invitation."
New world. Women must stand their ground. Thank you Lina for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Karen Redburn]

Nice! This is well written and makes it point quiet simply. I both enjoyed and appreciated the read!