Innocent

 I was innocent once

but no one believed me

loved clouds and mud

the softness of a cow's nostril

the taste of fresh pulled grass stems

to feel in a can of worms trying to pick the fattest

watching the soldiers go by in their trucks and tanks

chewing the gum they tossed to me

I was innocent once

Or was it twice?

Reviews

[Solst Rapture]

Quite an enigmatic collection of words. Your biggest strength is the imagery, I always enjoy imagery. There is a myriad of images to enjoy in these lines, '...the softness of a cow's nostril/the taste of fresh pulled grass stems/to feel in a can of worms trying to pick the fattest/watching the soldiers go by in their trucks and tanks/chewing the gum they tossed to me...'

I'm not so sure if these lines are quite together with the rest of your images and thoughts; '...but no one believed me/loved clouds and mud...' I was rather wondering if you are alluding to being treated as a sinner, someone who is guilty of something...or perhaps the narrator is the one imposing these feelings on their memories...I don't feel sophisticated enough to decipher it.

'...loved clouds and mud...' I'm not sure what interrupts me here; the mud being something clouding the waters of a river but being the giver of nutrients - and clouds preventing the sun from nurturing us, but deliver the power of rain...a complex set of metaphors here but in some way, I do treasure them.

There is certainly something in it, from the pastures and natural imagery to the more unsettling presence of armed soldiers, though you still deliver it gently...

And the end, '...Or was it twice?' baffles me a little further. I wonder if you mean to say that you were innocent many times but now it is different, now you're not pure, or something along those lines. Yes, plenty to think about and definitely a powerful collection of words.

[Mark Pearce]

I like the innocence here, and the contrast, as mentioned in other comments.

I am usually a zap ending type of guy, but I feel uncomfortable with this ending on this poem. Reading this work, I'm searching for more of a key to the narrative by the end. Perhaps...

I was innocent once.
It didn't last.

Inferring that the storyline that you've laid out progressed -- bringing an end to your innocence.

Well, take it with a grain of salt. It's just how it struck me.

[W.k.kortas]

It strikes me that there's something between the lines here, the idea of trying to forget something; the general detached tone of the piece and the sudden transition from the pastoral to the presence of troops suggests that there's something traumatic and unspoken here. Kind of an anti-Child's Garden of Verses; takes the soft, pastoral rhymes and flips them on their head. Interesting and nicely-executed piece of writing.

[Touché Armada]

A beautiful write (Emily sends :) .
The innocents of childhood, innocent in their natural world and innocent in their ignorance of soldiers, after all they are all heroes and they toss gum. What child reacts to war and death in the way an adult does in any case? Sorry just where my head went, and most likely not your meaning at all.. To me though I see the child conditioned, that its all about honour, being a hero, defending one flag. (most of the time now days its not the land you would normally walk upon, so it can only be for ones flag and honour to their country, for someone else's liberation, though under any government these days I fail to see any true liberty.

[Emily B]

You pulled me in with soft, pastoral words. Memories of childhood flooded me and then you pulled the rug out from under me and I sat amazed at the power of your words. This was perfectly executed and a new favorite.

[Narnie]

I am a true believer that lost innocence can be refound. Reflections and time scab over memories and make them dulled, when you scratch the surface it can be like the first time, with the added comfort of faint recognition... maybe a kick to the shin of forgetting too... but that doesn't stop the innocence - or blind faith - seeping back in.

*Sheesh!* look where your mind takes me Donald, haha.. your poetry has always done this to me. I have been reading at poetry soup but it won't let me leave comments for now. I shall keep trying. Wrapped Reflections is incredible.

[Gandré]

Innocent ... what a topic. well done. I understood that here is the allusion on being a marine before and I liked how you are connected to the earth, your metaphors "the softness of a cow's nostril / the taste of fresh pulled grass stems" -------------this was sweet.