Stuck In My Head

everyone gets stuck in their head and when I wrote this it was just one of those days.

Stuck In My Head

I’m feeling so lost in this world

People tell me it’s going to be okay, but I don’t hear a word

My mind is just going insane

It feels like I’m stuck in a daydream

Everyone say oh, you’re so bright

Then why can’t I keep my head up and see that light

I feel like I have no more emotions

I just feel like I’m lost in time

I feel like I’m just a waste of space

In this world I can’t seem to find a place

I can rest my head on concrete if that’s the case

I just can’t seem to catch my feet

Maybe it will be better if I just admit defeat

I can’t wait and just sit

Maybe it will be better to just end it

I think I’ve had enough of this test

Please god why can’t you just put me to rest?

                       Lily Lorenzo

Author's Note

just let me know what you think. I would appreciate feedback. thank you!

Reviews

[barleygirl]

It feels like you are describing intense inner turmoil, but your writing style feels flippant, which doesn't match the message. Some of your lines seem like platitudes or generalized statements of how everyone in the world describes such things. I encourage you to drop the playful rhyming bouncy word crafting and just dive into the depths of your truth, expressing it with a raw gut-level delivery that moves people. This is a relatable message, but the way you're presenting it doesn't move people deep inside as much as it could. It feels like you are playing with words & trying to get the lines to sound good, but not so much paying attention to the raw truth of your message. Avoidance, is what I call it, when I find myself doing this. It's much more difficult to drop the playful word crafting & just pour your heart out onto the page for us, move us, carry us away with the power of your truth. Own it.

[lilylorenzo]

thank you for the tips i really appreciate it. i am going to work on it more.

[Lord of mad men]

I have felt the no place and no feeling part,alot but you have,a place might not be the best but it is here on this site and to share your self with the world to find a new place a place in the heart of some one or in the hearts of many.

[lilylorenzo]

thank you for all your reviews and constructive tips im keeping them in my mind and working on new writings