The beginning is always the most important part
of a story.
Admit it, you’re reading these first lines and as
you do are already deciding whether to bother continue reading this story; and
if it’s going to be worth your time, or to simply discard it and place it back
on the shelf. See, the beginning is most important.
My beginning however, isn’t exactly like anybody
else’s typical beginning. It never has been. Sure I’m your average guy with
looks; pale blonde hair with touches of brown that’s naturally spiky, light
brown eyes, tall and slender. But my life
has always been different from everyone else’s; I couldn’t be a normal teenage boy
even if I tried. Don’t believe me? Let’s see; well there’s the continuous
travelling, the arguments, my father once being one of the richest men in the
country and my mother...
Well my mother can’t keep herself onto one path
let’s put it that way. But none of that matters anymore.
You see, my real story began last September,
about just a week after my seventeenth birthday. Even now, writing this, I’m
waiting for someone to pinch me, to wake me up. Because the story I uncovered,
was unlike any other reality I’ve ever witnessed. More than anything else
anyone ever has.
My name is Larry Oak and this is the story of how my life got turned upside down.
This is very good, quite captivating, almost like a diary entry but overall a superb introduction. It's the little slivers of background information and the way the character is addressing the readers forthright - makes me want to keep reading. Good job.
I was literally thinking these exact thought when I opened this up... It's really enticing, really makes me want to read more. This is how you start a book, good job!
Nice- I like the whole theme about "beginnings." It's fun to have momentary abstract philosophical moments in first person.
There are a couple punctuation errors that I've spotted here and there (I'm slightly OCD when it comes to punctuation... ^^,), and there are a couple places where I personally would reword something to make the flow work a little better, but those are my own personal opinions. I can share them if you like, but I didn't want to seem like I was ragging on your story for technicalities.
good entry, depending on where you are going you may want to add some more mystery into the beggining. the narrator seems very open with the reader. watch overly reapeated words though. saying "The beginning is always the most important part of a story." is an interesting lead in ut not the best, mostly because fairy tales start with in the beggining right away most of the time.
after reading the other chapters that you have done i'm wondering why you have the first two paragraphs in this because they really just take up space. and then just switch the first line to: My begging isn't like anyone else's typical one.
It makes you kind of feel bad in the beginning because that's exactly what everyone's thinking in the beginning of a story. Then you like force the reader to read on and by the end you've captured them completely. Very good, can't wait to read the rest :)
This sounds very interesting and captivating. The plot sounds great, though I can't say much more since:
a) it's hard to judge a story by it's beginning
b) I'm too busy reading on.
I love the defiance in this prologue. Just the difference it has from other stories you typically can find on the shelf compels me to read the rest. And if it's anything like what I've read here, it will be excellent.
This is very good, quite captivating, almost like a diary entry but overall a superb introduction. It's the little slivers of background information and the way the character is addressing the readers forthright - makes me want to keep reading. Good job.
I like how you describe the character right from the beginning. Maye you can experiment and try describing the character throughout the book- but if you don't like that, this is a good start.
16 years old from Britain, wanting to improve my writing.
Some of my favourite authors are; Suzanne Collins, Charlie Higson, Derek Landy and Lemony Snicket.
:) more..