Deadly Butterflies

I had a dream of butterflies

Razor winged, and black dead eyes

Telling us such sweet lies

Leading fully to our demise

The wings came and cut along

As we sang their deadly song

The cuts were deep, the cuts were long

But still we continued to sing their song

They cut on me, they cut on you

The cuts were deep, but they were few

They fed on blood that was anew

Before long blood began to spew

Too much blood, losing fast

We both knew we would not last

We watched as all the butterflies passed

For they all knew we would not last

We held hands with fading smiles

The blood was much, the pain was mild

Watched the blood drip on the tile

We watched it run like it was wild

You said to me your dying breath

"You know we now are waiting for death"

I said " I know I love you Seth"

And I let out my final breath.

Author's Note

i wrote this for a contest on another site and decided to put it on here. Enjoy :)

Reviews

[Serenity Faith]

This was a truly wicked piece. And I loved it! The only thing that threw me off was the second to last stanza. In order to keep the rhyme you had, it seemed force there. "We held hands as we smiles" maybe word it, We held hands with fading smiles....just a suggestion. Great none-the-less ^_~

[Kasey Nichole]

Props to you, not many people can successfully write a dark piece. But you did! (: great job!

[Andii Moseley]

Absolutely love it! :3 Amazing work and very dark yet lingering tone to me. amazing (:

[Nikki Richardson]

Some of your phrasing rubbed me the wrong way, but overall I enjoyed your writing. The imagery is good in some places and lacking in others.

[Myra]

Wow this was wicked awesome! I like how its different =)

[Hope]

Wow this was very dark and twisted I love it!!

[T. Logan]

I love the first four lines! It's almost like the butterflies are talking, which is creepy and awesome at the same time! This is really good, even though it's kinda sad.

[Forever Hidden]

Really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, ( 10 decades later )
really, GOOD!

[Fighter/Lover]

Love ya and all but tha is kinda scary. but i like it.

[Dark Tower]

A beautiful piece, amazing imagery