Destroyer of Worlds

A Story by Steph Morgan

The most violent alien in the universe isn't too fond of Earth. Or it's humans.

The great ruler Varnan sat atop his throne, listening to the Sounds of his kingdom. He was the leader of the fearsome planet Varna, known for their overpowering army. The species of the planet, referred to as Varnites, did not “see” like other species. They simply listened. Every single thing on the planet, whether living or manufactured, produced a Sound, a mixture of pitches and frequencies that every Varnite recognized from the time they were born until they died. Different Sounds meant different things. And usually, the higher the Sound, the higher probability it was something bad.

As Varnan sat quietly listening, he smiled, happy with things. The various Sounds of the kingdom, when mixed together in such a happy harmony, created a beautiful song of the people. He’d probably never admit that out loud, but it was peaceful to listen to.

A low Sound reached his ears, slowly crescendoing as the person drew near. Varnan recognized the Sound of his friend and right hand man, Zarlon. Turning, Varnan raised his hand in greeting. “Hello, Zarlon! Have you brought me news?” he asked in his deep, booming voice.

He heard the slow vibrato that meant Zarlon was moving; he had lowered down to one knee, his right fist pressed against his chest. “Yes, Sir. The ship is ready and all the preparations have been made. It’s time, Sir.” Zarlon’s voice was lower than his own, a husky growl. It was almost comical with his thin build.

“Excellent!” Varnan exclaimed happily, jumping up from his throne with a loud sforzondo of royal sound. He followed Zarlon to the launch room, their Sounds mixing in harmony. Varnites’ relationships with each other were clear through how they Sounded together. Harmonies were friendships.

“Zarlon, remind me, if you would be so kind.” Varnan said. “What is the name of this new planet we are planning to destroy?”

“Earth, Sir.” Zarlon replied. “It is inhabited only by morons. We are doing the Universe a favor, I assure you.”

“I see.” Varnan rumbled as they entered the launch room. Their Sounds bounced off the walls of the room, causing them to echo and sound distant. Varnan frowned slightly, annoyed at the material of the walls. It was difficult to listen to. “Zarlon, please get someone to fix this room. It’s simply horrible.”

“As soon as we have Varnites to spare, it shall be done. Right now they are all prepared for the attack on Earth.” Zarlon said. “Now please, come this way.” He led Varnan to a small, one person ship, the door stretched open and waiting for someone to pass through. “Here is your new ship, Sir. The Destroyer III. It has been rebuilt and upgraded, so it should be perfectly safe against any attacks the humans could throw at you, especially since they’re morons. You should have no problems.” Zarlon explained, a soft, high harmonic mixing with his sound as he laughed.

“That is good news, my friend!” Varnan said, clapping him on the back with an accent of sound. “Now, I must go. There is a world that needs destroying!” And with that, he jumped into the ship and sealed the door. The ship roared into life, an awesome ensemble of Sound, and Varnan shouted one last farewell to Zarlon, which was drowned out by the fortissimo of the engine taking off.

Destroyer III was a very loud machine. There were a multitude of Sounds bouncing off each other in a confined space, and yet Varnan rather appreciated the melody. The ride to Earth, however, was not very long thanks to their advanced technology (it was a number of miles that only Zarlon would remember), and Varnan didn’t expect the Sounds to last too long.

What he didn’t expect was for a sudden, very shrill trilling Sound that signaled an emergency. Before Varnan could do anything, the Sound of the ship lost it’s beat and spiraled into a spastic, off-key staccato. Varnan gripped his seat as something with the ship went very wrong, and the next thing he knew he was crash landing into some kind of building and painfully hitting his head on the roof of his ship.

“Aw, what the heck?!”

The Sound that reached him was distant and a little hard to understand, like it had some kind of foreign dialect. All species other than Varnites held that dialect, so he hoped it meant he made it to Earth. He twisted out from the rubble of his ship and stood, proudly roaring, “It is I, Varnan, Destroyer of Worlds! Prepare yourself human, for my army awaits only for my order to unleash war upon this puny world!”

Varnan tried to gauge the reaction of the human, but something wasn’t right. He wasn’t making Sound, not even the pure, untroubled Sound of someone standing still. He lacked Sound altogether. In fact, Varnan realized, as he tried to listen to his surroundings as well, everything lacked Sound.

Every planet Sounded different, had their own unique style that separated them from the others. But the basic meanings underneath the tone never changed. There was never an issue with his lack of “normal” sight because the essential parts had always remained the same and Varnan could function properly.

Never in his 2,783 years of life had he come across a planet in which nothing made Sound.

“Holy--What?” The human’s voice floated back to him. “There’s no way this is real, I have to be imagining it... I gotta lay off that stuff, holy crap....”

“Human!” Varnan demanded, his own voice holding a distant and muffled sound. What was wrong with this place? “Where is the Sound? What have you done?!” He roared.

“First off, my name isn’t human, it’s Braden. Braden Hepper.” The voice replied, sounding almost a little annoyed. “And secondly, what sound are you talking about? I don’t get it, dude.”

Dude? “The Sound.” Varnan repeated. “The Sound! The only way Varnites are aware of their surroundings! Is Earth really full of such morons that you didn’t know this? What have you done to my precious Sound?!” Zarlon was right; this planet needed to be destroyed, and as quickly as possible. It would be catastrophic if their stupidity was contagious.

“Woah dude, just calm down.” Braden said. “I don’t know what sound you’re talking about, but apparently we don’t have it. Stop freaking and just chill out, alright?”

Varnan decided this stupid human would be the first to die. “Do not order me around. That is what I am to do!” he growled. “Now listen to me, Braden Hepper. Since this planet lacks Sound, I have become reliant on another person. That means you will take me to your leader this very instant so that I may declare war and begin the destruction of this horrible place!”

There was a moment of silence, and then Braden said, “Um, yeah... Not going to happen, dude.”

“What?” Varnan yelled. “What do you mean ‘no’?!”

“Do you have any idea how difficult it would be to get to the White House with a war-hungry alien?” Braden said. There was another pause, and then he sounded a little upset. “Oh my god, I’m actually talking to a war-hungry alien. What the heck, man...”

Varnan didn’t understand this planet, and he was hating it more and more with every Soundless second that passed. While Braden moaned miserably to himself about aliens and something called an X-Box, which was apparently broken now thanks to his ‘stupid’ alien ship, Varnan fiddled with the communicator on his wrist, trying to reach Zarlon. He needed his help here. But it was difficult to get the communicator working when he couldn’t “see” it.

Finally, after several long minutes of frustration, he heard the wonderful burst of Sound that meant he had a connection to Zarlon.

“What is that?” Braden asked.

Ignoring him, Varnan said, “Zarlon, this is an emergency! Can you hear me?”

There was a soft buzz, and then, “Yes Sir, loud and clear. What’s happened? Your ship has disappeared off our radar.”

“Something went wrong, and I had to crash land.” He replied shortly. The ship wasn’t his biggest concern at the moment. He had other ways to get back and they could always make a new one. “But the bigger problem is that this accursed planet has no Sound! We’ll be forced to resort to Plan B.”

“Plan B?” Braden asked, sounding like he couldn’t decide if he was worried or curious.

“No Sound?” Zarlon repeated, both of them ignoring the human. “That’s extremely unusual. I suppose Plan B it is, then. We’ll put the plan into action immediately.”

His last word was cut short and the communicator shorted out, leaving Varnan alone in the silence with Braden.

“So, uh... What’s Plan B?” Braden asked.

“Destruction of the planet in a much simpler way.” Varnan replied. “Normally, we like to give the species a warning first and a fighting chance. But you humans are so completely idiotic that it’s not worth the trouble.”

“Oh, so we’re not good enough for you?” Braden mumbled. “Whatever, dude. Now what? Are your alien-dude friends going to come swooping down in UFOs, blasting Destruct-O Rays at us?” His voice sounded skeptical and mocking, like he was trying to prove Varnan an idiotic liar. Varnan, in turn, didn’t appreciate that much.

“As a matter of fact, yes!” Varnan announced. He could already hear the approaching noises of his army’s ships as they entered the atmosphere and began to fire projectiles of all kinds at the humans. “That is exactly what Plan B is!”

“Holy crap! What the heck, dude?! Not cool!” Braden sounded angry, and Varnan smiled.

“I told you, Braden Hepper, that I am Varnan, Destroyer of Worlds!” Varnan said again. Hearing the sounds of destruction outside pumped that familiar feeling of adrenaline through him, and he found that even though he was considerably handicapped in this world, his confidence (and cockiness) bubbled up, and he reached for the gun strapped to his side. It was always there and he’d used it a million times, so it was simple to find it without even “seeing” it.

He pointed his weapon at the ceiling and yelled, “Consider yourself honored, Braden Hepper! Not only will your planet soon be taken over by the Varnites, but you’ve had the honor to die at the hands of their ruler, the most feared leader in all the universe!”

Braden shouted an obscene string of words that could only have been the rudest of Earth’s profanities, and Varnan pulled the trigger and started firing randomly throughout the room. He could not “see” like he was accustomed to and he could not hear the familiarity of Sound, but he could still hear. So when Braden started charging around the room like a madman, trying to get away, it was easy to hear where he was and Varnan shot several bullets in that direction.

He heard a very pained grunt and shot a few more times in that direction, just to be sure. He heard several more grunts and then a thud as Braden undoubtedly fell to the floor, dead. And even if all the bullets had missed vital areas, the poison stored within them would kill him in seconds regardless.

Grinning in satisfied triumph, Varnan was about to attempt to leave and find a fellow Varnite when he heard the Sound of one of his ships flying almost dangerously low overhead. Then Zarlon’s voice reached down to him, saying, “Varnan, grab the ladder! We must go!”

The trill of the ladder being lowered to him was the most wonderful music to his ears, and as he gripped it tightly and they soared away, Varnan grinned happily.

And so Varnan and the Varnites returned to Varna, and in the distance that little green and blue speck of a planet erupted into a mushroom cloud, leaving the universe one less planet to deal with.