Alex

  " We're like fire and gasoline, I'm no good for you, you're no good for me"  these are the words you said to her so long ago... on a wind swept day in August,  the words that tore her heart in two, when she realized she could never truly hold your heart... She should have listened to you, she should have let you go, leave her behind... She should have been stronger... She should have hidden her tears from your hazel eyes... Maybe she would have healed, moved on, fell for someone else... But you entrapped her within your arms, a broken girl who looked to you as her shining knight... You were her blonde haired savior when everything seemed so dark and unforgiving... You were her only friend, the only person who could make her feel without the kiss of the blade on her skin... She knew at 14 that you were her other half, her soul mate... But you betrayed her trust, broke her will, and shattered her already fragile heart... She loved you unconditionally, even after you left her standing in the cool august air as you drove away to the arms of another woman... She vowed to wait for you, she promised herself she would never truly love another, no one could replace her Alex... She knew you would come back in the end, so she guarded her heart against the others, allowing the blade to hold the numbness at bay...

    Months passed, high school was a horrid prison as she watched all the happy couples hug in the halls, and go to prom together... She never went... It wasn't right without him... She always wanted him to go with her, to dance, and hang out with her friends, to show the others that she was good enough for a man like him, that she was loved and treasured and no one could take him from her... Even after the way he left her, her love never faded... He was never far from her twisted thoughts... He would haunt her dreams... She would find herself at the park, where they had first made love, waiting for him to show up like he used to in the night... She would wait for hours, hoping against hope that he would remember and come to her... A few times she fell asleep waiting, waking to his imagined voice on the wind... Soon, it hurt to much to go back to the park at night, she avoided it, she avoided songs that reminded her of him, she tried to wipe him from her memories, tried to really move on... Believing he had truly forgotten about her... Her Alex was long gone, in the embrace of someone that wasn't her, she owed it to herself to try to be happy... The more she tried the more the blade fed and the more her scars cried... She wanted to die... Without him her world was dull, all colors were diluted and she became numb even to the blade as her scars got deeper... Part of her died without you Alex....