Desert plant

  In the company of those I cherished deeply, within the sanctuary of my heart, I laid bare my trust. Yet, in that vulnerability, my heart was defiled by betrayals, each memory a scar etched with the acid of treachery, birthing a profound dread of love and a seething wrath towards mankind. But then, on a day graced by fate, a kindred spirit emerged, breathing life into the smoldering embers of my heart:

  A smile that roused dormant  feelings and emotions in my cold heart, it was like warm sunlight growing a plant in an empty desert. It doesn't stop ascending; each day, it roots itself deeper within me. I fear it may cause pain, yet it's so hard to uproot the plant that has taken root within me...

Author's Note

its a just begning please i need your advice and your your opinion

Reviews

[emmajoygreen]

Beginings come from people wanting to explore their thoughts - as you have done so very carefully. You have the core of a fine piece of work that could be slowly adapted into the core of a far longer piece. You have included snatches of ideas.. please, please use them and lengthen another quarter or so to the above.
Success is on its way, be sure. Read other members' work, use a thesaurus and dream of a fine future!

[Arundass TP]

Beautifully written friend. Loved it

[JayG]

A screenplay? Seems a bit short.

That aside, this is you talking about you in terms meaningful to you. Great for you, but...what's in it for the reader, who you've given no context?

Readers expect to be entertained, not informed.

[lily lilya]

thank u for ur point of view im beginner in writing i just did the first step so if u want give more advice

[JayG]

The problem you face is that using the skills that you were given in school, you're talking TO the reader.

That's great if you're writing a report, and your goal is to inform the reader. But when YOU read for enjoyment, are you seeking to learn things or be entertained?

I ask because nonfiction is written to inform. Poetry and fiction stir the emotions. They entertain.

In this piece you say, " Yet, in that vulnerability, my heart was defiled by betrayals." What can that mean to the reader who has no idea of what you mean by betrayal, or the situations that generated that line?

Sure, for you, who have full knowledge of the situation that prompted the writing, it works. So you'll see no problem.

But pity the reader, who's learning effect without cause. They have no reason to care.

With poetry and fiction, we don't tell the reader that the protagonist is crying at the funeral of a loved one. We make the reader love that person, for the same reason, and then, let that reader experience the events, and have reason for THEM to weep.

In stories, we make the reader know the scene as the protagonist does, in all respects, and make them live the events in real-time, as-the-protagonist.

And you can't do that, for either stories or poetry with the nonfiction skills of school. You need to acquire the emotion-based skills of the profession.

But... learning those skills won't be work. If you're meant to write, you'll find the learning filled with, "But wait! That makes perfect sense. How can I not have seen it myself?"

And once you do master those skills the act of writing becomes a LOT more fun.

So... try this:

For nonmetrical poetry, grab a copy of Mary Oliver's, A Poetry Handbook.

https://www.docdroid.net/7iE8fIJ/a-poetry-handbook-pdfdrivecom-pdf

For stories, try Debra Dixon's, GMC: Goal Motivation & Conflict.

https://archive.org/details/goal.motivation.conflictdebradixon/page/n5/mode/2up

Both are warm easy reads, filled with what you need, and both are free on the sites I linked to.

[lily lilya]

Thank u so much