Chapter 21.

21!

Jason entered the kitchen with Conner trailing reluctantly behind him. Ian had not yet left the house, he was simply getting a beer out of the fridge.

"What do you think you're doing?" Jason asked.

Ian cracked open the beer. He had enough fear in Jason not to run out of the house just yet, but he knew he could still get away with a little bit of rebellion with him. He took a long drink and just looked at Bobby.

Conner was uncomfortable yet stood behind Jason anyway, however awkwardly. He hated fighting, and he hated being dragged into fighting. Conner didn't understand why people yelled at each other, or at him. He preferred just not saying anything. He figured if you just didn't pay attention, sooner or later the yelling would end. When people yelled back, fights just seemed to last forever. Or got violent.

"Answer me," Jason said.

Ian held the can in his hand and leaned against the fridge. "What's up your a*s about me going to Sofie's?"

"We've gotta talk, that's why."

"I think we're done talking, Jason."

"No, we need to get done arguing. Then we can start talking."

"Well, to stop arguing you gotta stop hollering at me."

Jason just shook his head. "You wanna ignore everything? You wanna just throw back a beer and run off to your f**k buddy's? That's the way to handle it?"

"Isn't that what you do?" Ian shot back.

"Oh, f**k you, Ian. You don't know what I deal with."

"Nah, for f**k's sake. How could I? Sitting on your a*s all day mothering the little kid. Big f*****g deal, Jason. Your life's so hard now."

"Oh, you think that's what I did all day?" Jason shot back. He turned to point at Conner. "I didn't even know where he f*****g was for the whole day."


Conner swallowed, shrinking back. How had this suddenly turned on him?

"Oh yeah? Then why don't you holler at him, then?"

"I'm prioritizing. He I can deal with later. You on the other hand... You I wanna deal with now."

"You're not my father, Jason. And I thought you were my brother, but a real brother woulda helped me out, and I wouldn't look like I'd been through a meat grinder. So back off."

"Oh, is that what a real brother does? Helps you hustle? Helps you f**k over people? Conveniently loans you money to save your a*s? You're lucky I don't belt you one myself."

Ian was quickly drinking his beer. He wanted to leave. "I don't wanna be home when Ma comes home," he said.

"Well, that's a cryin' shame. 'Cause you're gonna be," Jason retorted.

"You know how it'll be. Just lemme lay low for a little," Ian persisted.

"You can't stand to see Ma disappointed in you, Ian. You just can't stand it, can you? Well if you can't listen to me, why can't you listen to her?"

They continued arguing, one snide comment or criticism after the other, voices rising. Conner didn't know why Jason had made him follow. He wanted nothing to do with this fight. Especially when Ian crushed and threw the empty beer can down on the floor and starting stalking off towards the back door.

Conner took that moment to try to dart towards the front of the house, but Jason was quick and caught his arm roughly. "Ian!" He yelled at the same time, now torn between two boys. "Ian, you know I know where Sofie f*****g lives! Don't tempt me."

But Ian didn't listen. He just kept going.

Jason cursed to himself. He would've followed, he would've grabbed Ian and forced him back, forced him to grow up and face things, face the reality of his actions. He wanted him to be the one to explain to Ma what had happened and why he was fucked up.

But then there was Conner, who he was worried would run off again, and who's arm he was hanging onto. He was then remembering he was supposed to give Ma a call when he turned up. He was still holding onto him. He wasn't letting him run.

Conner had tried to pull his arm back and without success had started to just lean back hard, slipping down to the kitchen linoleum, feeling pathetic and trapped.

"I didn't do anything," he whimpered.

"Not right now, you didn't," Jason muttered, glancing towards where Ian had run off. He really wanted to go get him. He would call Sofie's in a few minutes, maybe. Maybe that was the best way to go. He looked down at Conner. "Stop fussing. I only don't want you to run out the front door. I don't need you and Ian going different directions, you get it?"

"I won't�" Conner promised with a broken voice.

"I should tell Ma you're back. I didn't know when you'd come back. But she'll be home after too long. Where were you?"

"Let go�" Conner persisted, his eye's pleading.

Jason gave in and let go of his wrist. Conner pulled his arm back to his chest, cradling it as though Jason had really hurt him or something. Jason just shook his head. "I thought maybe you left for good."

Jason walked over to pick up the strewn beer can and toss it into the garbage. He kept his eye on the kid and then walked back over.

Conner was hungry. Now being in the kitchen, it reminded him he'd had neither breakfast or lunch. His stomach was growling. But he was afraid to say anything. He was afraid he would cause Bobby to start yelling again.

"Ma said you'd come back."

"I didn't leave�" Conner pointed out.

"Conner." Jason gave him an incredulous look. "You were gone for hours. Are you kidding? Let's talk about this."

"No."

"No?"

"I don't want to," Conner answered.

"Oh, you don't, huh?" Jason retorted.

"No." Conner stayed on the floor. He felt safer there for some reason. In his mind he still hadn't done anything wrong. He couldn't understand why Jason was annoyed with him. Shouldn't he be after Ian?

Ian and Jason had tried talking too. That hadn't worked out very well.

Jason looked at him. He was dragging his finger across the linoleum, chin pressed down against his chest, looking miserable. His shaggy hair had fallen in his eyes.

Part of Jason just wanted to pick him up, sit him on the counter, and force him to have an eye to eye conversation. But he realized that probably was not a very good idea. He wasn't sure what to do. He already regretted how he caught him coming through the front door and had nearly flipped out.

"You caught us at a really bad time," Jason admitted. "Ian coming back like that. I mean, I was f*****g pissed, man, but it wasn't at you, you know?"
Conner said nothing. He was rubbing his finger against the linoleum now for a while and it was starting to hurt.

"I mean, so sue me, I have a short fuse�"Jason persisted. He stared at the kid, who was obviously not paying attention. "Can you get off the f*****g floor? It's like I threw you there or something."

"No," Conner answered.

"Are you just trying to push me or something? I don't get it." Jason shook his head. "What am I supposed to say? Get up."

"No."

Jason wished Ma was here to explain how you don't touch somebody in this situation. Because it was beyond him.

"Are you mad at Ian?" Conner asked him.

"Yes," Jason answered brusquely. He walked over and took a seat at the table, sitting down tiredly. "Yes, I am."

"What'd he do?"

"What doesn't he do? He's all over the place."

"Did you do that to his face?"

Jason paused. He was shocked by the question. He looked at Conner speechlessly. Then he said quietly and somberly, "Come here."

The way he said it made Conner crawl to his feet and slowly walk over.

"Sit." Jason pointed to the chair next to me.

Conner wasn't sure. "Are you mad at me?"

"Sit."

Conner sat gently, staying on the edge of the chair. "Are you mad at me?" he repeated. He folded his hands in his lap and stared at them. Then he stared at the bruise on his arm. He wished he was wearing long sleeves instead of this ratty t-shirt.

"A little bit mad," Jason admitted. "Not like Ian."

"What'd I do?" Conner asked quietly.

"First," Jason started, "I did not do that to Ian. He came home like that. He didn�t pay some people back, and so he got what was coming to him. I would never, do that. Look at me."

Again, there was something in his voice that made Conner look up at his eyes.

"I would never do that," Jason repeated. "That is my brother. So what I have no patience, so what I have a short fuse. I don't do that. The people I fight aren't my family, and Ian knows I'd never do that to him. Never."

Conner just chewed on the inside of his cheek.

"Okay?" Bobby asked. "Do you believe me?"

"Then why'd he run away," Conner mumbled.

"Because... Because he doesn't want to talk about it anymore. In a way its good, I have to calm down I guess before I can talk some sense into him. I have the tendency to yell apparently. But he yells back."

Conner was silent. He leaned forward on the table, resting his crossed arms on the edge and setting his chin on this hands.

A moment of silence passed between them.

"Conner," Jason persisted, talking softer. "Ma told me what happened to you."

"Today?" Conner asked. He wasn't sure what happened to him today.

"No. Not today. Before you came here." Jason paused. Maybe he shouldn't be having this conversation. But he wasn't sure. He just wanted to try to get Conner to stop looking like he thought he'd belt him one on every turn.

"And basically," Jason continued. "I know I�m a lot bigger than you and stuff, but I'm not gonna hurt you like you were hurt, and I'm not gonna touch you or anything, and I really wish you'd stop thinking I would. Because Ma wouldn't have had me come home if that's what I was gonna do. Don't you trust Ma?"

"No," Conner answered reflexively. He didn't trust this conversation either.

"She's a saint."

"She's just an old lady," Conner answered. He thought saints had to be dead.

"So if you don't trust her, you sure as hell don't trust me. But you're gonna be here a long time, so eventually you have to trust me. And I know what happened to you, and trust me, bad stuff happened to me too, or else I wouldn't be here."

"I don't want to talk about this," Conner said monotonously. "I'm going upstairs." He pushed back his chair and stood up.

"No," Jason objected. "No. You're not. And just because I told Ian no and he ran off doesn't mean you can too. Last time you told me you were going upstairs I didn't see you for a really long time and God only knows where you really went."

Conner took another two steps away, eyeing Jason carefully.

"I said no," Jason said stiffly. "You're don't have to trust me or like me, but you're gonna respect me."

Conner stared.

"You understand me?" Jason asked.

"I didn't do anything," Conner persisted.

"This isn't about that. Sit your little a*s down."

That tone was harder. Conner sat.

"See you still look scared," Jason replied. "Why did you run off for so long today?"

Conner shrugged.

This again, Bobby thought. He's gonna go all silent again and there will be no progress by the time Ma comes home. Great. "Where did you go?"

"I just took a f*****g walk,"Conner replied edgily.

"Well, that's f*****g great,"Jason replied in the same tone. "Why?"

"Why not�" Conner answered, softer this time, like he knew he was being a little too bold. "I�m sorry."

"I don't see a reason to apologize yet. Keep talking."

Conner was silent. He didn't know what was left to say.

"Well, why didn't you tell me you wanted to go on a walk?" Jason prodded.

Conner paused. "Because." He found Jason's eyes just questioning. "Because you said� You said do whatever you want just don't burn down the house� And I didn't want to ask you again because�" Because you scare me, he wanted to say.

"I did say that," Jason admitted. "I didn't mean you to take me so f*****g literally."

Conner didn't reply right away. "Are we done?" He got up again.

"You're really something else, huh?" Jason mumbled. "No, we're not done. Sit. Where'd you go?"

Conner shrugged, sitting slowly again. He pointed in some direction and said, "Towards the stores."

"Oh, that explains a lot," Jason answered. "But that's harmless enough. I'm not gonna holler at you, or complain about not knowing where you were all day even though it drove me nuts, and I'm not even gonna drag this out and turn it into a huge lecture... I'm just telling you now, to never, ever do that again."

Conner blinked.

"I mean it. Never will you disappear again like that, or else."

"Or else what?" Conner asked carefully.

"I don't know yet," Jason answered. "Just don't do it."

"You said�"

"I know. That's why I'm not angry. It's always my fault some way or another. I've learned that over time at least�"

Conner was silent again.

"You can do anything you want, but maybe we should go back to asking about it first, okay?" Jason replied.

Conner nodded, and leaned forward onto the table again, leaning on his elbows.

"Good. See that's easy? We make our little deals. Simple."Jason reached forward and patted Conner on the back. "You can be easy after all."

"Ow!" Conner moaned sharply as soon as Jason's hand made contact. He sat up straight and pulled away.

Stunned, Jason stared at him. "What? What'd I do?"

Conner had a pained look on his face. "N-nothin'�" he mumbled.

Jason knew what it was.

He knew damn well.
Jason set his jaw and pulled Conner up to his feet gently by his arm and turned him around. Conner didn't resist, he just hunched his shoulders a little and stood stiffly, especially as Jason slowly pulled up his shirt to reveal his back.

Jason was silent for a moment, holding Conner's arm lightly with one hand and holding up his shirt with the other. Conner's back was darkened with bruises, and it made him sick to his stomach. Some of the marks, he recognized what they came from. Like a belt, for instance.

He clenched his hand around Conner's shirt. Conner just stood there, shaking a little bit.

At that moment, Jason felt a strong feeling of protectiveness rush over him. No one was ever going to touch this kid again. Never. He wanted to pull Conner into his lap but he knew that would be too much, and so he pulled his shirt back and gave him a gentle, brotherly pat on his backside to let him know he was done.

"That'll never happen again," Jason said stiffly, sickened. "I'll never let that happen to you again."

And at that moment, Conner almost believed him.

Author's Note

Aww.. isnt Jason a good brother?