Chapter 19.

19!!~

Jason was happy once they reached home so that he could finally get out of the car and end the ridiculous silence that existed between him and Conner. He realized he was equally at fault for the silence considering he kept trying to ask Conner questions, but what else was he supposed to do?

So after five more minutes in the car with Conner sulking in the back seat and Jason driving, feeling like a chauffeur alone in the front, he was more than happy to pull up to the house.

"Home," he announced, as though it wasn't obvious. He turned in time to see Conner's big yawn. "Tired?"

"No."

"Well, I am. Today already feels too long." Jason got out of the car, and slammed the door behind him. A moment later, Conner followed suit and walked up to the door a few steps behind him. He yawned again.

"You sleep okay?" Jason asked. He was just walking over the discarded cigarette from before. He kicked it aside.

"Yeah."

"You sleep in your bed?"

"Where else would I sleep?"

Pushing open the front door, Jason smirked and replied, "Well, I woulda laughed if you slept in the closet. That can't be comfortable."

"Why would I sleep in a f*****g closet�" Conner mumbled. He followed Jason into the house, hands stuck into his pockets glumly.

"If you were scared of something."

"I'm not scared of something," he answered defensively. "And I don't sleep in closets."

"Well, then why were you in a closet to begin with?" Jason turned and gave him a look. "Answer me that."

Conner felt flushed. He shrugged.

"Dunno? Most people don't hang out in closets. Least not where I'm familiar."

Conner just shrugged again and gave Jason a frown. He hated these conversations. They were still standing in front of the door and he began to feel a bit uncomfortable. He felt a lot of scrutiny from Jason since the moment he met him, understandably when at that moment Conner had been trying to steal money out of Judy's purse.

Silence was always a better option. He immediately regretted talking so much.

He'd decided that he wanted Jason to like him, but wasn't feeling like there was much he could do, since Jason mostly just seemed frustrated with him or preoccupied with something else. He didn't really understand how to act.

There was the awkward silence again. Conner suddenly felt like he was under a microscope in this increasingly small room.

"Stop looking at me�" Conner mumbled.

"Huh?" Jason gave him a look. "Seriously, I can't hear you. I swear you either are completely silent or mumbling so much it's like you're silent anyway."

"Stop looking at me," Conner insisted, slightly louder.

Jason studied him. Conner went in and out of moments of either pure submissiveness or attempts to speak up. He wasn't sure how to respond. Conner's eyes had gone to the floor now, and he was starting to inch backwards.

Jason sensed the meek side of Conner coming back now that they were standing in front of each other. He'd gotten a few minutes of Conner with a little bit of courage to speak up, but it was fading.

What did Ma expect him to do with the kid?

Well this request was just fine. He would 'stop looking' at him. No problem. He simply walked away and started inside. "Did you eat breakfast?" he asked.

Conner shook his head. "No." He stayed by the front door.

"You want me to make you something?"

Conner shook his head again. "No."

Jason turned and sighed. "What do you want to do then?"

"I'm going to go upstairs," Conner said. But he didn't move anywhere. It was like he was asking for permission. He looked up at Jason uncertainly. "Can I?"

"Kid, you can do whatever the hell you want as long as it's not setting the house on fire,"Jason answered. "Going upstairs is not a special privilege. Want to make sure Michal is up if you go up there?"

Conner made a face and hesitated.

"What, you scared of Michal too?" Jason insisted.

Conner shifted uncomfortably. "No. I�"

"Look� Life is not nearly as stressful as you are making it out to be," Jason began. "I'll wake him up then, don't worry about it. Go on. Have fun in your closet�" He continued inside.

Conner told himself that Jason was teasing, but it didn't help him feel any better. He felt like Jason was exasperated more than good-naturedly joking. He stood there for a moment just thinking before turning to walk up the stairs. But a few steps up he hesitated, because he had nothing in his room, and he really didn't want to sit there by himself.

It was still so early in the day. He always woke up early when he was nervous. This morning was no different. So he'd spent his morning just sitting on the front step, watching cars drive by, and wishing he could sleep more.

Most of his thoughts then consisted of worrying about the phone call from the night before and what the consequences would be. He couldn't conclude anything, and within an hour Judy came out to leave for work and talked to him for a few minutes.

Judy seemed to be a really nice lady. There was something about her that he wanted to trust, but that almost trusting kind of scared him. Because he'd mistakenly trusted people before, and he realized it was usually better to hold off until you were really sure or else it could come back to hurt you.

So far all she did was try to talk to him. He didn't know if Jason had ever told her about when he went through her stuff looking for money, but it didn't seem like it. He didn't know how things would change if she found out. She obviously knew about the late night phone call, and that was bad enough, really.

The stealing thing would probably be the end though. But maybe Jason wouldn't tell.

He had around eight dollars now. It was from when he bought Jason that Gatorade before hockey. Jason had never asked for the change back. So Conner kept it. It made him a little nervous� Thinking it might be like a test or a trick or something. Even if Jason didn't remember, he might remember and then get mad.

Conner could always pretend he'd forgotten about the change. Except if he spent it that would be hard to explain. To spend something you had to realize you had it�

But eight dollars was eight dollars. He could do a lot with eight dollars. In general it was hard for an eleven year old to come by money. Especially since where he was used to being, money was extremely tight. In fact, he suddenly remembered one time when he was eight and was supposed to bring back change from the store down the street after buying some food for dinner.

The change probably would have been around ten dollars and along the way he somehow misplaced it. Which wasn't surprising considering he always misplaced things. But being eight he didn't really have any means to give back another ten dollars. Ten dollars, though, as he learned the hard way, that could be a six pack, or a bottle of wine. To make it worse, he was always asked for the change back, so there'd been no way to avoid getting a good thrashing when he got home without it.

But since Conner now had this money a day it was almost long enough in his head to consider it his. It was in his pocket now.

He wanted to go for a walk and check out what was around where they were. He was only slightly familiar with the neighborhood he was in, and it was an excuse to get out of this house and away from people staring at him.

He could hear Jason in the other room turning on the TV. He thought for a minute that maybe he should ask to go, but then hesitated. First, what if he said no? Then Conner would be stuck just sitting here trying to figure things out and possibly getting asked more questions. And secondly, five minutes ago Jason told him exasperatedly that he could just do whatever he wanted if he didn't burn down the house. Which he had no intention of doing.

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Jason hated TV early in the day. He could never find anything on except infomercials and soap operas, neither of which he was fond of. He didn't know what it would be like to be a housewife and have nothing to watch on TV. Then again, they probably would have other things to do than to watch TV.

Comparing himself to a housewife made Jason roll his eyes, a little frustrated. He wasn't sure what to do with himself. He'd come home because Ma had wanted him to. He'd been gone for three weeks this time and with the new kid Ma wanted him to start to be more reliable and present.

It wasn't that he minded being home. It was just that his restlessness usually got him into trouble. In fact, if he wanted something to do, he knew there was plenty of unfinished business he could stir up, but that probably was not the best of ideas.

Home was frustrating now though. He always felt this extreme responsibility when he was home, like he should be taking care of things, but at the same time didn't find himself focused or productive enough to be the type of person he wanted to be. Ian and Michal weren't just kids anymore, they had plenty going on themselves, and it made Jason start to realize he should do something with his life. He was getting to that age�

And then there was the lack of focus, lack of patience, lack of all the things Judy scolded him for. 'You've got just as much brains as brawn,' she would tell him. 'Use your brains first.'

And now there was Conner, and Jason had no idea how Judy was up for this one. She was a saint, taking on kids like they were stray puppies that needed homes. Jason knew that they had all been complicated; if they hadn't been, they wouldn't be here. But Conner was a whole new ballgame.

Jason rubbed his eyes and convinced himself not to worry about it for now. Besides, Conner was Judy's job. That was what she did. She'd turned him, Michal, and Ian around for the most part by now and who said she couldn't do it for another if she was up for the challenge? If Jason knew how to handle it, then he would be the one taking in impossible cases, but he wasn't.

The Wheel of Fortune caught his attention for a few minutes. Then when it hit commercials he sighed, leaning his head back against the couch and looking up at the ceiling. He wished it wasn't so early so that he could have a beer and not feel like he was crazy.

He figured that he should wake up Michal soon. That was something to do at least. One thing he at least enjoyed while at home was being the older brother. He thought Conner would be fun too but it seemed like there was a way to go before that.

He left the TV on and started upstairs to Michal's room. Michal's door was already open and he looked in to find it empty. He could hear the shower running and assumed it was Michal, but looking into Conner's room to find it empty as well, he wasn't sure. He knocked on the bathroom door.

"Michal?" he called loudly.

"Yeah," came the response.

Jason opened the door and stood in the doorway, as the bathroom was quite muggy and fogged up from the apparently very hot shower Michal was taking. "I was just making sure you were up. God, it's a sauna in here."

"I'm up," Michal answered from the shower. "Ian get to work?"

"Yeah, I drove him." Jason leaned against the door frame.

"I was wondering. His shift was early today and he was up forever last night."

"No one was up as late as me," Jason answered.

"Huh? Why?"

"Nothing."

"You not sleeping well?"

"So so. It was more than that though, but forget about it."

"If you say so."

"Okay, it's too hot in here for me. I will talk to you later," Jason replied. He left the bathroom and shut the door again. Then he walked back to Conner's room and checked the closet and under the bed again.

Was this serious? Was this really a repeat of this morning?

This time Jason wasn't going to get concerned immediately. Sure the kid said he was going upstairs but maybe not. Maybe he was sitting outside again. Before checking that, Jason looked in the other empty bedrooms, as he already had a slight indication that the kid wasn't shy about looking through things, but came up without Conner.

Jason scratched his head and started downstairs. He hadn't seen Conner come anywhere near him downstairs, but it was possible that the tiptoer had gotten by him.

It wasn't a big house. It only took Jason a few minutes to go through downstairs and come up empty. Unless the kid was really hiding, then he wasn't in the house.

Front step was the next check.

No one was sitting there.

Jason frowned. Just like before except he wasn't outside. This was interesting. Fifteen minutes ago they were just coming back in from dropping off Ian and now he'd disappeared.

Jason then decided that he did want a beer. So he got one from the fridge and sat back down on the couch inside to resume watching the Wheel of Fortune. There wasn't much he could do at the moment.

Michal came downstairs just several minutes later. He first went to the kitchen and rummaged around for food. Then he joined Bobby on the couch with a big bowl of cereal.

He gave Jason a critical look. "Jason."

"What?" Jason looked at him. "What's that look for?"

"Ain't it a little bit early?"

Jason held up his beer. "This? Nah, I've been up."

"Regardless�"

"Don't judge me, little bro. I'll kick your a*s."

"Beer in the morning just usually isn't a good sign."

"Well�" Jason shrugged. "Sometimes you just gotta relax."

"I guess." Michal shrugged. He started to eat his cereal slowly.

Jason let a moment of silence pass and then spoke up again. "So� I can't find Conner."

Michal swallowed some cereal and replied, "What do you mean?"

"I mean, I don't think he's in the house."

"Ma take him to work?"

"Nope."

"He outside?" Michal asked.

"Didn't see him."

Michal raised his eyebrows. "I don't know where he would be. I really don't know him that well yet, and when I've talked to him� Well� He doesn't say much."

"Yeah, I know� I'm just not sure what to do yet."

"Were you supposed to be watching him or something?" Michal asked.

Jason took a long sip of beer. "I'm not sure what the f**k I'm supposed to do with him. I mean, I wasn't not watching him, I guess. But it's like� I don't know. I don't know why the hell I'm even home. If Mom wanted a babysitter�"

"Why do you sound pissed off?" Michal interrupted.

Jason shook his head. "I'm not pissed off. I've just already had a really intense morning. Got up really early. Had a stressful talk with Ma before she left for work. Then I thought Conner was gone then too, but he was actually just sitting outside, which I eventually realized. Then I had to drive Ian to work because he can't drag his a*s out of bed in time� Now the kid's gone again."

"That is a pretty busy morning," Michal agreed. "I don't really know what to tell you."

"Nothing. You're not supposed to tell me anything. I figured you're at least the most rational of us. That you might be able to think of where he'd be."

Michal shrugged. "I don't know. Like I said, he's kind of a mystery to me."

Jason sighed. "Should I call Ma?"

"I don't know. Maybe."

"I don't know if it would worry her, you know?" Jason replied. "And I don't want her to start in on me. That I can't even watch a f*****g ten year old."

"Isn't he eleven?"

"Big difference. He disappears, and I don't like it." Jason set his jaw.

"Mom said to go easy on him," Michal reminded.

Jason was silent and just nodded. Michal was saying that without even knowing the truth behind it. Jason wondered if Ma would explain to Michal or Ian what was really up with Conner and where he'd come from. It wasn't his place to explain things to them about what might account for Conner's behavior.

"I hate babysitting," Jason muttered. "Am I babysitting? I don't even know."

"You're a terrible babysitter. Every time you 'watched' us, something happened."

"Please. You're all still in one piece and not any worse from me."

Michal just rolled his eyes. "Okay."

"I didn't get any of you taken away at least," Jason laughed.

Michal smirked. "True."

"So let's think this out. Should I worry that I don't know where he is? Because it's been only like a half hour since we got back from dropping off Ian, and Conner came with me then."

"I don�t know. How do you feel?"

"Maybe if in a while I still don't know where he is, then I should start to worry."

"What's a while?"

"That I haven't figured out yet. An hour? Two hours?" Jason paused. "I probably should just call Ma. She's the one that knows more about him, and like, whether it's better to let him have his space wherever he is or figure out where he is."

"Honestly, I have no clue."

"Why do I just feel like today is going to be a terrible day?" Jason should his head. "You know how you just get that feeling? And then it's like all f*****g downhill from there."

"Well drinking beer at this hour and watching Wheel of Fortune� Usually a recipe for disaster�"

Jason rolled his eyes. "Smartass. What are you up to today?"

"Camille and I are supposed to have lunch together."

"How are you two doing?"

"Fine I guess� Her grandma's sick so I haven't seen too much of her lately. She's been all with her family and stuff�"

"Oh, that sucks. Hopefully she's doing okay."

"Yeah�"

They both watched the TV for a few minutes. Another episode of Wheel of Fortune had started. Then Jason sighed and said, "I don't remember being eleven. How self-sufficient are you? Like should I be more concerned about this?"

Michal gave him a quizzical look. "You're really worried about him, aren't you?"

"It's just that the first night he was here I caught him almost leaving to go get on a bus to God knows where. So I�m just wondering, you know?"

"I don't know. Judy is� I mean, you can't do much at eleven. If he gets in trouble, he'll get picked up by someone and Ma will get contacted."

"That's not exactly the best thing."

"Yeah, how many times did that happen to you," Michal teased.

"And you."

"Not as much as you."

"Well, s**t happens." Jason thought about it. "Maybe he's outside, and I just didn't see him. I'll wait a little while and then call Ma."

"Maybe when he gets hungry for lunch he'll come back." Michal shrugged. "I would. I mean, maybe he's just got something to do."

"He's eleven. And he's been here how long? I mean, what's he gotta do?"

"I don't know, Jason. I was just trying to think things out. But I think you're better off like you said to just give it a little while and not jump to conclusions or anything like that."

"I was gonna go to Danny's today, too," Jason said. "But I can't if you're out with Camille, and Ian's at work. I mean, that's kinda s****y, to leave him here by himself, if he is hiding somewhere, or to have him come back to an empty house."

"Have Danny come over here. He should come out of his basement anyway."

"Yeah�" Jason finished his beer. "I'm just going to give it a little time. Like you said."

Author's Note

Review please!