Chapter 18.

the 18th chapter

Conner was miserable in the car.

Jason was driving, obviously annoyed, with one hand on the wheel and his other arm resting against the car door. Ian was in the passenger seat, still yawning, changing the radio station methodically.

Conner hated Ian's choice of music.

To make it worse, Ian would listen to a song for about one minute and then change it abruptly. Not that Conner cared for his song choice in the first place, but for God's sake if he picked that song then he could at least listen to it.

"Can you leave it?" Jason suddenly snapped, reaching over to slap Ian's hand away from the radio controls. "Jesus Christ."

Conner mentally thanked him.

"What?" Ian asked, taken aback.

"You know I hate that. Just leave it."

"Well, now it's on a commercial."

"So leave it on a commercial."

"Jason�"

"You're gonna be in the car another five minutes. I think you can deal with it, ok? You don't even get a radio on the bus so consider yourself lucky to even hear these commercials."

"You're impossible."

"That's right," Jason agreed. "I am impossible."

"You are having a bad morning�" Ian muttered.

"Yeah, I am. I already told you that. And now I have a massive headache." Jason shook his head and stopped at the upcoming light. He rubbed his forehead and glanced at the car's gauges. "And f**k. I'm almost outta gas."

"Why are you having a bad morning?"
Jason glanced at him. "It's not you. Don't worry about it."

Ian yawned again and shrugged. "Just trying to see if you wanna talk."

"Nothing to worry your pretty little black head over," Jason replied, reaching over and slapping his brother lightly on the back of the head. He turned his attention back to the road in time to see the light turning green. He brought his foot off the break. "You need a ride back from work?"

"Nah�" Ian answered. "I can take the bus I guess."

"You got money?"

"Yeah�"

"Well, call me if you need me to get you," Jason replied.

"Thanks."

"Yeah. That's if I'm home anyway," Jason said with a laugh. "If not you're on your own."

Ian rolled his eyes. "Why? Where you plannin' on being?"

"I got things to do. People to see."

"Yeah, I bet, Jason. I bet you do."

"One day I'm back and suddenly no respect," Jason teased. "I'll teach you respect. You wanna get out here and walk?"

"I'm early anyway."

"Dumbass." Jason shook his head.

Ian turned in his seat to look at Conner, who was sitting quietly in the back seat. On Conner's face was a scowl. "Conner, you oughtta have Jason here tell you about prison."

"Oh, stop it," Jason responded.

Conner just set his jaw. He wished he had another cigarette, and he wished he wasn't in the car. He wanted to ask if he could walk back from here, but knew it was stupid. He didn't really care if Jason had been to prison and didn't know why Ian had mentioned it to him. It's not like he'd never met anyone that had been in prison before.

"He doesn't talk at all, does he�" Ian turned back around.

"Sure he does. But why's he got to acknowledge the stupid things that come outta your mouth?" Jason answered.

Ian turned to look at Conner again. "You think I'm stupid?"

"Ian," Jason said with a quick glare. "Stop trying to get a rise."

"I'm not." Ian sat back in his seat. They were almost at their destination and he sighed, wishing he'd had breakfast. His stomach was already starting to growl. It was too late now. He glanced at Jason, and then something caught his eye at his waist.

"Jason." He started slowly. "Why you still carrying a gun?"

Jason didn't even look at him. "Why you care?"

"Because. You'd give me s**t for it."

"It's habit, Ian. Don't you worry about it."

"Mr. Tough Guy."

Jason glanced at him. They were there. "Corner okay?"

Ian sighed. "Yeah�"

They were stopped a moment later and Ian got out of the car, not turning back to look at them as he walked toward work.

"Wanna sit up front?" Jason asked Conner, looking at him in the rear view mirror. Conner didn't look very happy.

"No," Conner answered.

"Why not?"

Conner didn't have a very good answer. He in fact just preferred having the backseat to himself and having the space between him and Jason. But that was hard to explain.

"Put your seatbelt on," Jason said, not waiting any longer for an answer. He put the car into drive and pulled away from the curb. "You mind if I stop for gas before we go home?"

Conner shook his head. "No."

"You wanna go anywhere else while we're out?"

Conner shook his head again. "No." What was he supposed to say?

"I'm just trying to have a conversation, Conner. That's all." Jason was stopped at another light. He sighed. "I know what we should talk about. Why don't we talk about last night?"

Conner stayed silent. He slowly put his seatbelt on and tried to avoid looking in the rear view mirror where he would undoubtedly meet Jason's eye.

"I'm not mad about it or anything," Jason continued. "I just wanted to talk to you about it."

Silence.

"Why did you call Anthony? You know he called back, right?"

Conner stared at the headrest in front of him.

"He didn't know why you'd call either."

Silence.

"Nothing? No response?" Jason asked. He squeezed the steering wheel. "You realize silence isn't really a good method of dealing with s**t, right?" Jason persisted, growing frustrated. "In fact, it's really just a good way to piss people off. So congratulations, you wanted to know when I'm mad? I'm getting mad."
Conner set his jaw, brow furrowed.

Jason let out a deep breath. "Today� Today is a challenge�"

A minute of silence passed between them. It ended when Jason pulled into the gas station and up to a tank. He put the car in park and turned the key, pulling it out of the ignition. Then he turned in his seat and looked at Conner.

"Stay put, you hear?"

Conner continued to stare at the headrest.

"Hey," Jason insisted. "Look at me." When Conner didn't give any sign of acknowledgement, Jason just shook his head and started out of the car. "You'd better stay put or you'll get it�" he muttered.

Pumping gas was almost therapeutic. Watching the numbers tick up for the price and gallons was kind of soothing in a way. But he couldn't help thinking. He reminded himself to stay patient. Conner was just a kid. But more than a kid, he remembered, as Evelyn's words from that morning continued to haunt him. Who knew what was actually in Conner's head?

He just wanted to be able to get a simple answer from a question, but it wasn't that easy. And Conner wasn't like Ian or Michal and he couldn't get answers out of him the same way. Conner was harder, yet a hell of a lot softer. Scaring him wasn't going to do anything. Conner seemed to click in and out. Pushing him out certainly wasn't going to get them any further.

Jason glanced into the car. Conner was still sitting there, now chewing on his thumbnail. He wondered if he wanted to run. He thought back to finding him on the front step, and what a relief that had been. He still didn't know what he would have done if he wasn't able to find the kid.

Sitting there smoking no less. Conner was older than his eleven year old stature gave evidence to. Or he struggled to be older while still painfully a child, trying to hide and tiptoe around his actions. Ma would just be thrilled to know he smoked, and stole, and had already tried to run away.

His mother was smarter than that though. Something told Jason she already knew most of these things, or at least would not be the least bit surprised upon learning them. His mother was a special person in that respect.

Finishing up, Jason opened the car door again and leaned in to look at Conner. "Hey, kiddo. I gotta pay inside, you want anything?"

Conner shook his head.

"I'm getting coffee. You sure?"

Conner nodded.
Conner watched Jason shut the door and walk away, seeming to be calmer than when he left the car. He didn't really understand Jason yet, or how he should expect him to react to things. He wasn't sure what to make of him, or what his intent was. There were too many new things for now. He couldn't process. All he knew was that he would stay in the backseat�

Jason was back in minutes, pushing a coffee into the cupholder and shoving the key back into the ignition.

Conner decided to try to talk. He knew Jason had been at least slightly annoyed, whether at him or at the whole morning, and knew from past experience that it was better to have him in a better mood by the time they got home.

"I didn't think the number was real," he said.

"Huh?" Jason asked as he drove out of the gas station and back onto the main road. "What are you talking about?"

Conner hesitated. "The number. I didn't think it was real."

Jason paused. "Anthony's number?"

"Yeah."

"Why wouldn't it be real?"

"I don't know."

"You thought Ma would just give you a fake number?"

"I don't know."

"So four o'clock in the morning's a good time to test it out," Jason said.

"If it's not real."

"You have a point. But it was real."

"Now I know."

"Now you know. That's good." Jason rolled his eyes. "That's real good, Conner. You make a lot of sense to me."

"Why would she give me a number anyway?" Conner replied.

"Why not? She thought you might like to talk to him or something."

"No."

"Why not?"

"What do I have to talk about?"

"Apparently not much at all judging by your conversations so far�" Jason answered. "Look. Basically it was to have the option. If you wanted to call him, you could. It would just be there."

"But why?"

"Why?"

"Why would I need to call him?"

"If you thought something was wrong, maybe? I don't know."

"Is something going to be wrong?"

Jason sighed. "God, I don't know. It's up to how you feel about things I guess."

"Feel about what things?"

"Well you've only been here a day. But look at before. Like, who did that to your arm?"

Conner paused. "I don't know."

"I know you do, but that's not my point. My point is that it didn't just happen," Jason persisted. "So it's like, if something happened to you, you should've been able to tell somebody. So Ma is just showing you, I guess, that like, you can."

"What's going to happen to me?"

Jason shook his head. "Nothing, Conner. Nothing here, anyway."

"Here as in the car, or�"

"Here as in here," Jason answered. "As in, like, being with Ma." He paused. "Who did that to your arm anyway, since I brought it up?"

"What's wrong with my arm?"

Jason frowned and looked back at him in the mirror again. "Kid, I saw your arm. So you tell me."

"I� I bruise really easily," Conner answered. "And I fell, so�"

"At least I know you're a terrible liar. What happened?"

"I fell."
"Uh-huh. Did you hurt anything else?"

"Yeah."

"So what happened?"

"I don't remember. I did something."
Jason realized this probably wasn't the right way to talk about it. Conner was sounding nervous again. But he didn't really know what else to do. They were almost home. Like five minutes away maybe. He just wanted to fix the kid somehow, instead of having this awkward relationship. But a day wasn't really enough time to expect anything.

He thought about his conversation with Ma again.

"We're almost home," was all Jason could say.

"Okay," Conner responded.

They rode the rest of the way back in silence again.

Author's Note

I liked this chapter, did you?