Chapter 16.

A Chapter by lilfeather

Conner's past...The 16th chapter.

Judy awoke at eight. She assumed she would be the first one up, even after she took the time to shower and dress before going downstairs. She was slightly surprised to find Jason in the kitchen, sitting at the table with a bowl of cereal and the paper.

He looked up when she walked into the kitchen. "Morning."

"Morning, Jason. You've been getting up early."

"Eh. Can't sleep."

"Just last night, or is this a recent thing?"

He shrugged. "Kinda a recent thing, I guess." He scratched his head. "You sleep okay?"

"You mean after I got back to sleep?" She raised an eyebrow at him before turning towards the coffee maker, which was already brewing. "Well, one benefit to having you up is my coffee is already made."

He smiled. "Least I can do."

"So." She moved to the cabinet to take out a loaf of bread to make some toast. "Did you want to explain to me why Anthony was calling here at four in the morning?"

"You make it sound like I had something to do with it."

"I'm not making it sound like anything. All I know is that you were up. And you knew who'd called."

Jason watched her put two slices of bread into the toaster. "Simple, short end of my story. Like I said before, I haven't been sleeping the greatest. So I got up to get myself a drink and I find your project up�"

Jason."

He rolled his eyes, knowing exactly what her interjection meant. "Sorry. Find Conner up, standing over there with the phone in his hand. So I ask him what he's doing or whatever, and he freaks out and runs away."

Judy was leaning against the counter, arms crossed. She just nodded, not seeming to be surprised, and he continued.

"So then," he said, "I was just gonna ignore it, so like I just hang up the phone and am like f**k it, you know? But then the phone rang like a minute later."

"And it was Anthony."

"Yeah, he just did a return call thing, however you do that," Jason replied. "And he asked who it was on the line. So I was like, who's this, you know because I wasn't sure. And he told me his name and I had no clue who it was�" Jason shrugged. "It was kinda awkward actually. So then I told him O'Riley and he immediately knew."

"What'd he say?"

"He said he was Conner's social worker. So I said that made sense because I'd just found Conner on the phone before he dropped it. And neither of us could figure out what the situation was, like why Conner would call, but he told me to call if there was any problem and that he was going to go back to sleep."

"Four in the morning�" Judy shook her head.

"Yeah, I know, I'd've been pissed if I was him."

"That's why you're not a social worker, Jason."

Jason rolled his eyes. "Oh, yeah, Ma, and you think all social workers have the patience of saints and don't mind being woken up at four in the morning?"

"I should call him today. Did he sound angry?"

"I don't know. Just really tired, I guess," Jason replied. "Or confused. Both. Why would Conner be calling him anyway?"

"I really don't know, Jason."

"Are you going to ask him?"

"We'll see. Why don't you finish the story?"

Jason ate a spoonful of cereal. "That's kinda it. I mean then I got off the phone with him."

"And then?" Judy prodded. "Upstairs?"

"Oh, yeah. Well, I just wanted to figure out what was with Conner. Like, I don't like that he just ran away from me. Dropped the phone and just ran away. So I wanted to see what was up, and I knew he'd run upstairs. So his room seemed empty so I looked in the closet."

"And scared him to death."

"I didn't do anything to him, Ma. I just wanted him to get out of the freaking closet."

"There are ways to do that. But you can't just pick him up, Jason." The toast popped up in the toaster behind her, slightly darker than she wanted, and she moved to get a plate. "You can't just assume you can touch him. In fact that's the worst assumption you could make." With her toast on a plate she went for butter in the refrigerator and a knife.

"Well, maybe if you ever decided to tell me what was wrong with him then I could figure out what I can and can't do. But until then how can I not treat him like I treat Ian or Michal."

"It's not that easy, Jason, and you know it." She moved to the table and sat down across from him. "First of all, there's nothing wrong with him. Is there something wrong with you?"

"Yeah, lots wrong with me. Can't sleep, bad record, loose teeth from hockey," he teased.

"Jason, you best keep your teeth if you know what's good for you. And the correct answer is no, there is nothing wrong with you. My point is there's nothing wrong with any of you."

"Sure."

"Jason, I mean it."

"What happened to him then, that's what I mean."

Judy began to butter her toast, and Jason simply watched. She was glad to have the distraction so that she didn't have to make eye contact during this particular part of the conversation, which was hardest for her to start.

"A lot," she began. "It's hard to really go into detail, Jason, as you'd probably imagine, and I guarantee if you ever saw his file you would be completely disgusted. It really� surprised me� I guess, I'm not sure what words to use to describe it. But he's been through a lot for his age, I can assure that�"

Jason managed another mouthful of cereal before he put down the spoon and simply listened to Judy. She described what she knew, about how Conner's mother had apparently been suffering from some kind of undiagnosed schizophrenia or anxiety disorder and killed herself when Conner was seven, by hanging herself in their backyard. She was unwed, and Conner's biological father had been missing since he was quiet young.

His mother had a boyfriend for several months just before her death, and Conner then stayed with him. Conner did not have any family to take him in, and so he stayed with this man before he was seen unfit to take care of him anymore. It was a few years before he was removed from the home, however, and during that time it was clear that this individual was not suited for nor desired to be a parent.

Conner's mother's state of mind seemed to have attracted a similarly unhealthy individual, one prone to not simply anger and abuse, but perversity, and it was possible that his mother may have been a victim of this man as well before she committed suicide.

There was evidence of a range of both physical and sexual abuse in the home. There was a history of a few child welfare checks on the home after questionable doctor's visits, but it wasn't until Conner was ten years old that he was permanently removed from the home. Convincing family members of this man's threat as well as Conner's apparent fear to admit to anything prolonged the time it took to rule this man as an unfit parent.

The abuse was substantial in the home and the effects evident in Conner's interaction with adults. The sexual abuse was the most alarming, as Conner had apparently been both subjected to and forced to participate in inappropriate acts. Again, the true extent of the situation was not completely certain. Some of the worry was also that despite Conner's fear of and dislike of the actions, there was question over his understanding of what was actually right and wrong, and what was unacceptable.

Judy kept her voice soft as she continued to explain to Jason. Conner had moved through a few foster homes since being removed from his home. A couple were very short term and seemed to end because of their inability to deal with Conner's mannerisms and interactions. His coldness, lack of concentration, his tendency to disappear, his fear of proximity and contact� These homes "gave up" in a way, unable to "reach him" and feeling too frustrated to continue.

A couple of the other foster homes were found frustrated as well, but unable to deal with their frustration in another way. These two homes in particular were physically abusive and resulted in his placement back in a group home for a while in between homes, and then for a few days until he was placed with Judy.

"I don't know if you've noticed the bruises he has on his arms," Judy continued. "Those are fairly recent."

"Yeah, I noticed," Jason answered. "He tries to hide them."

"I know."

"I asked him about them," Jason admitted.

"What'd he say?"

"Nothing�"

"He doesn't interact well with men," Judy explained. "You have to understand that before anything. He fears men. He expects the worst. The sexual part�"

"You can stop," Jason objected, "with that part. I don't want to hear about that part."

She paused. "Jason. You have to understand him. What he was used to. You can't be disgusted by him."

"Not by him. Not by him," he said. "I just don't want to hear about that part."

Judy could observe Jason clenching his fists and just nodded. "Okay."

"Why was he there so long? I don't understand."

"People don't report things, Jason. People aren't educated�" she replied. "You know this."

"I know."

"I mean, I gave you the real summarized version of this," Judy said. "I mean, really summarized. His file is quite extensive and� well, challenging� But it should make you understand why he reacts the way he does to some things."

"I guess."

"For instance, cornering him in the closet is probably not the best thing you could do," Judy reminded. "Trapping him might make you feel like you can reach him, but it's only going to slow down any relationship you want to build with him."

"Yeah�"

"You're a very strong boy, Jason, just remember that. And Ian and Michal are used to you being physical, and your short fuse, and you just being you, but they have different ways of dealing with things too, right?"

"Yeah. I didn't want to scare him."

"Jason, I know that. I do know that. But Conner doesn't know anything about you yet except you're much bigger than he is."

"Then why did you want me to come home now if he's just gonna be scared of me and I do all the things that I'm not supposed to do?"

Judy smiled. "Jason, you underestimate yourself. I think you and him are going to be much closer than you think. You're both exactly what each other need."

"What I need?" Jason gave her an incredulous look. "Yeah, oh that's all I need. An eleven year old to f**k up more than he's already fucked up. Bingo, Ma." He pushed his chair back. "And the last thing I need is a kid following me around."

"You don't understand at all. Where are you going?" she asked.

"Coffee's ready," he explained. "Want some?"

"Please," she responded. She finally took a bite of her toast as Jason tended to the coffee. She felt she hadn't done an adequate job of explaining Conner to Jason. There was no real way to explain, though. All she could do was give him some details, some information. She hadn't told Ian and Michal much, not yet. She'd just explained to them before he came that Conner was much more of a sensitive boy and to include him but be gentle with him.

Judy knew she was right, however. She knew Conner needed a big brother like Jason, someone who could teach him something, and someone whose instinct, whether he knew it or not, was to protect and teach. She didn't expect it not to be rocky, but she predicted good things to come.

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