"Zachary!, he's here!" My stomach twists into a knot. "Zach?"I here her walk up the steps "Zach, honey, are you ok?" Thats my aunt, Sadie. Ive lived with here ever since my ma was consitered "unfit" to take care of her son. I dont really know why it took so long to come to that conclusion, but, whatever. My dad left her when I was like, 4 months old or something. I guess he didnt want to deal with my mom, or maybe he just didnt want to deal with me. But, apparently he wouldnt mind dealing with his sister, or she chewed him out to come and see me. "Zach?" The doorbell rang."oh! Im going to grab the door, come on dear." The coward in me wants to run, but, screw him, the kid in me wants to see his dad. I fallow Sadie through the hall way. the door bell rings agin."coming!" Sadie yells. She walks faster. I slow down. As She reaches the door I stop. I am about 8 feet from the door. Sadie opens the door. A man walks in. Sadie hugs him and he smiles. I get most of my looks from ma apperently. He has blond hair, I have black. He has blue eyes and i have brown. His skin is the color of the inside of an almond, mines olive. We look like polor opisates. but, I guess, I get my last name from him. Rockwell is no Italian name. He gives me a nervous smile. "Hey Zach" "Hi, Dad"
I like this character, i may do more with him. did you like it? I didnt like the ending, but, it may not be the ending, now will it? please give me some tips!
My Review
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Watch your spelling and grammer! "Apperently" = Apparently. "Consitered" = Considered. The "Here" in the second sentence should be "Hear".
You should make some twist. The way you started it could let it go anyway-- The father could be good, he could be bad. Zach, though different in looks, could turn to be the exact same as his father, or as the looks describe, the "polar opposite."
Goodness, you have so many ideas! I feel like I'm just repeating myself, but I really liked it! (hehe =p) I liked the line "The coward in me wants to run, but, screw him, the kid in me wants to see his dad." The thing I like about your ideas is that teens will understand them and be interested. So much potential here! Of course, like everything, it's not completely perfect yet. But it could be! Nice idea, I can't wait to see you continue it. (In other words, I do like this story, haha.)
Things About Me
Almost all of my writing is based off of people in my school.
My real name is Lily.
Im just a kid, teenager, whatever you want to call me.
I am one of the biggest Eminem fans EVER.
I l.. more..