Life Moves on

Grasping…

Here I am stuck… wanting to move on…. wanting to stay in the norm… worried about time running out….

All these memories, circling in my brain.
What are they trying to tell me?

Reflection….

My life… so blessed I am… imperfectly blessed for the best. I want to hold on to this feeling. this warmness, this solitude of tranquility … but yet, I am so sad… what is this? This feeling of confusion….?

Peace…

What am I supposed to do now? after having a purpose for months, now I’m grasping for a new purpose… I’m finding it … I’m starting to feel it… But for today… I must be patient… I’ll find it!

Reviews

[willweb]

I believe this feeling is quite common, at least it is familiar to me. I am blessed but often I sit and worry I am missing something. I have plenty of time based on clocks but constantly feel like the days move too quickly and I can't keep up. I want to do more but I am not sure what that is. It is confusing but also fun if you allow the process to work itself through. Nice crafted, I enjoyed this.

[andrew mitchell]

They say enjoy what you have and don’t look too far out of the box or you will get lost. May be the lesson here is take a breath and be patient.

[JayG]

• Here I am stuck…

So, your car’s stuck? You sat on superglue? You can’t decide on what to watch on TV. You…

My point? You have context as you read, so this makes perfect sense. You can hear your own voice, all filled with the perfect emotion for the words. You also begin reading aware of your intent for the meaning, and, the backstory on what brought the words. So for you, every word is a pointer to emotion, images, situations, and more, all waiting in your mind. But the reader needs context as they read, if the words are to make sense. Given that there is no second, first impression, even if it clarifies a line later… For the reader? Every word is a pointer to emotion, images, situations, and more, all waiting in *YOUR* mind. And without you there to clarify...

In your poetry, for the most part, it’s you talking about you, and what matters to you, as if the reader wants to know. But readers aren’t seeking to know you, and your life, better, any more then you're thirsting to know how my day went. That's data, not poetry. Poetry is emotion, not fact-based. So instead of telling the reader what matters to you, make it matter to THEM. A reader doesn’t care if you, someone unknown, cried. They want you to make THEM weep…and laugh…and…

You have an amazing power. You can make a stranger—someone you’ll never meet—laugh, cry, feel joy and anger, all by the selection and placement of your words. And therein lies the joy of poetry.

You and I? We’re irrelevant. Our words? They're judged on how well they move the reader, emotionally.

Sure, we can tell the reader that we hate someone who was mean to us. But they don’t care. So instead, we give the reader reason to hate that person—and be entertained by our doing that.

Problem is, we can’t do that with the report-writing skills we’re given in school.

Think about it: Did a single teacher spend any time on prosody, which is the beating heart of poetry? Did they explain why we use he word “rock” in one spot but “stone” in another? Of course not, because they were readying us for employment, not the profession of Poet. So the writing methodology we were given is the fact-based and author-centric skills of nonfiction.

For poetry, we need emotion-based writing skills—an approach that wasn’t even mentioned as existing, in school. We need to hook, not inform. And since we need to acquire the necessary skills to do that there is a bit of study required. But that’s no big deal, because learning about something you want to do is no chore.

So…a great jumping in point is Mary Oliver’s, A Poetry Handbook. The lady is brilliant, and she’ll often have you saying, “But that’s so obvious. How could I not have seen it myself?” The link below will allow you to download a readable, though not great PDF copy. Check it out. And if it works for you, you may want to pick up a good copy from Amazon.
https://yes-pdf.com/book/1596

So…I know you were hoping for a better response, but since we’ll not address the problem we don’t see as being one, I thought you might want to know.

Hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/

[lildot]

Thank you, Jay for your candid review of this piece. My goal as a writer is to channel through my words. My style may not be one you enjoy, but I do appreciate your input. M.

[JayG]

• My style may not be one you enjoy

I mean no insult, but they've been refining poetic technique for centuries. It's emotion based and character-cenric, as is fiction, because the goal of poetry is to evoke emotion in the reader, not inform them.

But in your work you're talking TO the reader about what matters to you—things for which the reader has no context.

It works perfectly for you, because as you read, the narrator's voice—your voice—carries the emotion YOU want there. But the reader can't know the situation you're referring to. And they can't know what drove you to say what you did,or the emotion you feel as you read.

So, why would anyone but you react with more than, "I hope things work out for you" ?

In evidence, I offer: you've been posting since early last year. Your words are heartfelt and sincere. But because you're talking TO the reader about YOUR emotions, instead of stirring those of the reader, you're not getting the response in the form of comments that you should be.

It's not a matter of talent. And you write well. But pretty isn't enough. You need to make the reader feel and care.

Look at a single line, section by section, as a reader must, having only the context inherent to the words:

• Here I am stuck…

Where's here? We could literally be anywhen and anywhere. And what does stuck mean in this specific case?

• wanting to move on….

Move on from what? It could be a failed love, the death of a child, hatred of the one who...

• wanting to stay in the norm…

The "norm?" For what?

• worried about time running out…

For WHAT? And what happens if it does?

You're giving the response to an unknown motivating event—placing effect before cause. It's meaningful to you because you're aware of the cause. But the reader has not a clue. And the next line doesn't clarify, it refers to memories that you feel are important but never define. So, it's reaction without motivation.

The link below leads to an article meant for fiction-writers, but it illustrates what I mean about getting cause before effect.

https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/2011/10/02/the-grumpy-writing-coach-9/

[John the Baptist]

Indeed, patience is needed sometimes, when answers are not apparent. You might want to check out my poem "Stuck."