A Mother's Reflection

A reflective poem written for anyone who struggles with depression, suicide, codependency, addiction... I was pregnant and 22 when my mom left me by her own hand, but she still walks with me everyday.

A Mother’s Reflection

 

I look in the mirror

I see myself, but I look younger

 

I reflect on the image in front of me

I see courage, I see love, I see sadness

I wonder how I can be a better person on this new day reflecting on days past

 

Or is it that I need to be a better person than I was yesterday? 

Why the sadness?

 

The mirror is trying to tell me

I am who I am

My reflection is of a woman much younger than me

It’s saying something to me

I’m so confused

 

Now I see hopelessness, the desire to just give it all up 

But I can’t 

I am needed 

My heart needs to keep beating to keep us all alive

I can’t quit, all I can do is keep trying

My best

 

If I am all grown up now

Why do people keep telling me what to do?

Now I see myself as a child in the mirror 

Trying to do the best that I can

But learning along the way

Taking risks

Learning how to share

Learning how to trust

Growing, testing, failing

Best of all becoming myself 

Watching everything and everyone every minute

 

Oh my innocence

How can I learn from the little girl I once was?

Learn from those days of innocence

Remember what it was like

When stress was just a word that I didn’t understand

 

Look at the eyes of that little girl looking back at me

Eyes of trust

Eyes of love

Eyes of hope

 

That is me! 

That little girl who would try anything 

Learn from doing my best

Learn from my mistakes

Learn from winning and losing

Learn from trying and watching

 

The image in the mirror begins to age,

Adolescence ….

I remember that young girl

I want to hug her youthful innocence

Tell her to keep doing her best

Love herself

Be kind to herself 

Never doubt herself despite all the confusing physical 

and emotional changes she is experiencing…

I want to tell her to trust herself

Trust one another

Learn each day

Make mistakes

Never give up

Remember to ask for help

Remember to breath

 

The years are passing so quickly in front of my eyes

I see tears of happiness, sadness, frustration, helplessness

I see stress aging my beauty

I am becoming a young woman, a mother, a professional

A young woman who would try anything

Learn from doing my best

Learn from my mistakes

Learn from winning and losing

Learn from trying and watching

 

But something has changed

My youth and innocence is fading

My world is challenging and stress is overwhelming

I see hopelessness

I have the desire to just give up 

But I can’t 

I am needed 

My heart needs to keep beating to keep us all alive

I can’t quit, all I can do is keep trying

I am the warrior of the family

I will do whatever I have to do no matter what

My call to protect is deafening

I keep my head down

I forge through the floods

Oftentimes the result is good

Oftentimes the consequences result in more stress

More work

I’m doing the best I can

 

What’s missing?

I want to hug that young woman and tell her to keep doing her best

To always love herself

To trust herself 

To trust others

Learn each day

Make mistakes

Never give up

Remember to ask for help

Remember to breath

 

What’s happening?

I see so many years have passed by me

I stare at my reality in the mirror

Stress has not been kind to me

Yet there is still innocence in those eyes

I’m still that little girl who will try anything 

Learn from doing my best

Learn from my mistakes

Learn from winning and losing

Learn from trying and watching

Try to never give up

Try to remember to ask for help

Try to trust others

Remember to breath

 

My world is still challenging and stress is overwhelming

I still see hopelessness

Sometimes I have the desire to give up

But I can’t 

I am needed 

My heart needs to keep beating to keep us all alive

I can’t quit, all I can do is keep trying

I am the warrior of the family

I will do whatever I have to do no matter what

My call to protect is deafening

I keep my head down

I forge through the floods

Oftentimes the result is good

Oftentimes the consequences result in more stress

 

But something has changed

Through the years I’ve had to learn patience

Did I forget something?

 

Life has been so tough at times I’ve

Fallen down

Wanted to give up

Been humbled

Had to ask for others for help

Not judge others

Swallow my pride

Trust

 

The image in the mirror changes again

I see my mother before me saying

“Patience is a virtue”

I am her little girl again

 

“Thank you, Mom” …

Even though you are just a reflection in my mirror

I feel you

I feel your love

I’m going to try and remember your “words” more each day

We’ve got this!

 

‘lil dot

a.k.a. Marcina Ann Brown-Strang 

February 11, 2021

Author's Note

This is my first poem. Please be candid. Thank you.