Chapter 6

March 27, 2013

Today was my birthday. I can really say I had much of a celebration today though. My mom is dying; people are keeping secrets from me, I have fathers who can care less about me, and I am getting closer and closer to falling victim to this society. Life is just a maze right now. I don’t which problem I need to settle first.

I am 16 years old now, and what do I have to show for it. Nothing. I live in San Bernardino, I’m not really expected to do much, I’m just sitting here watching as the day gets closer when I fall victim to this society. According to I will have a felony by next year. Meaning I will have a criminal record. I can’t fight this society much longer. Every time I wake up; I every time I walk I walk out the door, every second I spend in San Bernardino; I allow myself to get lured into societies trap. African Americans are losing the war in this country. I don’t care how many people marched and gave speeches; we’re losing. This government; this institution, this government in which we are living in was never made for us. We were meant to be slaves forever. Not become President of the United States.

San Bernardino is the second poorest country in America. The first one is Detroit. They always want us to pray for the kids in Africa and the people in the other third world countries. But people are out here struggling too. Never once have I heard them say Pray for San Bernardino; you would a city that is the second poorest city in the world would have sympathy for itself. But people don’t care. Everybody out here is trying to make it on their own selves and they do not care about some ghetto people living in some city called San Bernardino. The people in San Bernardino don’t even care about it’s their own selves; and when your own people don’t care about you, you’re in a world of trouble. San Bernardino is steadily falling down the hill; and before anybody realizes it, this city isn’t going to be worth nothing; and as long as I call this city home; I’m always just going to be looked at as if I was just another victim.

As for this situation with Alaina and her family; I don’t what I’m going to do. Should I just be bold and approach my mom; asking her what I want to know? Or should I just keep my mouth shut and better off not knowing what I want to know. In a weird way I need to do both. But every time I get ready to approach my mom I always feel like it’s not the right time. I need to find some way of asking her, or find another person to ask. I clod ask my dad, but he is still in jail. My mom would probably take me to go see him but I don’t feel like seeing him. He never came to see me when we were living in the same town; so why should I drive an hour away to go see him. But I need answers; and I don’t think my mom is going to tell.

But today I had an idea pop up in my head. What if I was to ask Mr. Jackson? He would have to know something about my past. His wife is the one that’s been stalking me since I was a little kid. The only two problems is; don’t know how much Mr. Jackson knows, and I don’t whether Mr. Jackson will tell me whether he knew or not.

For once I want to be the smart one in the situation; I’m going to have to use my common sense; and my common sense is telling to leave this situation alone. Just let it be. It’s better off me not knowing anything. But I have to know, I just have to. I can tell now nothing good is going to come out of this. I’m going to find something out that I never wanted to learn.

At this point right now I’m feel as if this journal is coming to an end. I told myself I was going to end this journal the day I fell victim to this society; that day is coming, what day it will be I don’t know. But I do know every day my life gets worse; and the worse my life gets, the quicker the day comes. The day that I am still not ready for.

I don’t care what today is. It’s not the day to be celebrating anything. My life is coming to an end, and unless I don’t get out of this stupid city; I’m going to end up doing what everybody else in my life has done. I’m going to fall victim to this society.