Prolouge

As I slowly let the water drip from face I look into the mirror. My image is blurry but I can still see part of a part of my face.

While I’m doing this sometimes I wonder, Who am I? What do I represent? Why the heck am I here on this earth? I look around myself and I feel so empty. I just feel so lost.

As more of the water begins to dry up I can see my face a little better now. But that’s when parts of my life starts to reflect back into my head a little bit.

I haven’t really had the best life. I haven’t had the worst ethier. I’m not the most known or the most popular. I feel as if I’m on the outside looking in. I don’t know what is prepared for me in life but I don’t think I’m ready for it. They said everybody has a purpose in life, well I don’t think my purpose is going to be so great.

I keep having this terrible nightmare. It always starts off in blackness. It feels as if I’m in a small little room or something. I can hear screams come from outside the room. I try to scream for help but my scream just blends in with everybody else. For some reason I’m stuck in this place. I’m not able to leave or even get up. I began to become scared and wonder where everybody is. It’s so dark and alone. Where is everybody? Where was my mom? Where was God? I thought he was never going to leave you nor forsake you. I was in a place where I had no friends, no family; everybody and everything I had ever known was gone. But then out of nowhere,  I begin to see a little light, and my face starts to build up hope to build up hope. As the light becomes bigger I begin to smile. Finally the light comes to my face I realize that’s it’s just my mom turning on the light; waking me up from my horrible nightmare.

I have this dream almost every day. I always try to wonder what it means. I asked my mom and she said all dreams come from God. If that’s the case, what is God trying to tell me? Is it something that happened in the past? Or is he trying to foretell my future? I was under the assumption that God had forgotten about me. I don’t know. I’m just trying to make sense out of this crazy life of mine. What does that dream mean?

I began to grab a towel and rub the rest of the water off my face, my face is completely dry. I can see my whole reflection in the mirror.

It’s at this point everyday who I am and where I come from. My name is Ladanian Frenchman. I’m 15 years old. I’m from San Bernardino, California. This is my journal. I’m writing this because I need to start keeping track of my life. I guess you can say that my life is story itself. It just doesn’t have an ending. But I have to warn you, my life hasn’t been a Cinderella story. I’ve cried, I’ve been hurt, I’ve been abandoned. There has come moments when I have felt like nothing, where I have been told I was nothing. But I have to keep going. I have to move on. This is the life that God has given to me. Now I have to deal with it. It might not have been the best life ever but it’s mine. But I need to start keeping track of my life.That’s why I’m writing this journal. I’m trying to find an end to my story. I feel like it’s coming soon I just don’t know when or how. So might as well keep track of it till the end does come.

We now live in a society where it seems like everything is okay. It’s okay to be gay. It’s okay to lie. It’s okay to rob and steal and kill. Politicians lie on the daily basis now. But now, it’s looked upon as okay. I heard a quote on TV the other day where they said that Politicians have to lie. Since when has it been okay in our society to lie to one another. They said our country was built on Christian grounds. I don’t see how. We have lost every form of God possible. They’re actually debating on taking God out of the Pledge of Allegiance. That’s what our society has come to. This is the society that I live in. We have turned our back on God and we live on our knowledge. That’s why we are in the mess we are in.

Everyday people fall victim to this society. It’s not up to us whether we fall victim to this society or not. Life chooses for us. We no longer have any choice in this world. Life is now how society makes it.

 I now look back at realize that this society is also shaping me. This world is making decisions for me, I have no control over what I do and say. I’m running a race that I was never expected to win. Im not expected to do anything. In my opinion, all the government wants me to do is stay black, stay where I am, and die at the earliest age possible. But that’s the expectation for me and any other black boy in San Bernardino, California. Will I fall victim to this society? It’s more than likely. What else do people expect from little black boys like me? I just feel as if I’m in the last chapter of my story. I actually don’t know whether I will fall victim to this society or not, but I do know one thing. My time is coming, and I fear that it’s going to come sooner than I think.

My name is Ladanian Frenchman, and this is the beginning of the end to my story.