The things they feared

A Story by Caleigh

Just some things I've been thinking about lately.

I can remember when the hardest thing about my day was getting through math class. I remember being sad that I couldn’t go to a concert or something on the weekend because I couldn't drive yet. I remember when I worried about the little things. But all of that is blown out of perspective when one grows older. Fears and worries grow larger. I feel that when one falls in love things can sometimes get worse. It isn’t the loving that hurts, no, on the contrary, love is the best feeling, it is invigorating, inspiring and taps into a whole new way of feeling. It must then be the feeling of fear that is terrible. After falling in love, one fears losing that marvelous feeling. It makes people do crazy things. It is most often the culprit in the ending of relationships that seemed good. Sylvia Plath once said that her fear of her husband's infidelity was what made it happen. "I conjured her up" she said. I know that my fears often manifest in my dreams. I often dream about being isolated or that everyone I know hates me, and this is actually a huge fear of mine. But my fear of losing love, yes, that is the greatest fear of mine. The fear that I will wake up and no one will love me or care. I suppose that the real sad truth is that no one will ever love you as much as they love themselves. It is terrible to realize this. What a wonderful world it would be if everyone cared for each other as much as they care for themselves. I feel like all the world is a masquerade ball, and rarely does anyone take off their beautiful masks to show whether they are in fact beautiful or terribly hideous. Who is real? Who can you trust? I feel we will never know.