Dear Brother..

This poem speaks for the hurt I endured as a child and having to grow up before my time.

Dear brother, blood brother. 

Aren't you tired of living this way? Aren't you tired of being an embarrassment, worthy of shameful apathy. 

Obligated to love and care for you I am however, I cannot feel but an ounce of affection for you. I am ambivalent to your significance in my life, be it ever so minute. Absent you have been for most of my life, always taking and stealing the joy, to what end?

I try not to although, all I see upon looking at you is a Pathetic, Lost soul. Out of sight, out of mind, out of my heart, the painful legacy you so adamantly continue as you pursue your debaucherous vices. Have you no shame?

My soul has aged far beyond my physical being as I have had to fill the shoes you carelessly forsaked, for our parents sake. You live so selfishly, sparing no thought for anyone beside yourselves. Tell me dear brother, do you remember the abuse you burdened me with? Used my naive innocent need of approval against me, depriving me of love. 

Do you realise the hardships I've had to endure due to the precedent you so maliciously set? The places and people I had to endure in order to fulfill the need you elicited within me. I've gone from Love to Hate from Hate to Ambivalence towards you. I had to stand on my own two feet in this world, so young, I had to be the beacon of light and hope for the broken woman you forged. Pushing myself aside I had no one to turn to for guidance and support, no sense of connection or belonging, just solemn seclusion.

So desperate for love, your love, I became fearful of losing anyone I found solace in. Alone and afraid, I prayed you'd come back, you have yet to return. More than a decade has passed and you've missed out on my life, you have not seen me hopelessly trying to mend the pieces you broke whilst, I broke myself in the process.

You have no f*****g idea what you've done, you've no idea of the irrevocable hurt you've created and yet, still you continue blissfully taking, taking, taking. I have felt everything from abandonment, hurt, rejection, contempt but worst of all, blind fraternal love, for you who has no sense of the word, 

 compassion.